Someone please tell me the best way to deal with teenagers!?

easy

I often say " If anyone could convince you of how difficult it is to be a parent, none of us would have children, and the human race would die out"

It's definitely harder than any job I did in my life before before I had him - and I'm an older mum, I was 38 when my darling boy was born !!

(the phrase Darling Boy uttered thru clenched teeth )

WantToBeSE

Has anyone else learnt how to tell from 10 paces, what mood their teen is in, just from the look on their face?
I must admit, its come in handy. I can tell whether to say "Hello, did you have a nice day at school" or to say "Hello, would you like arsenic with your tea?"

loracan1

I was in town the other week and walked past my eldest, he was with a large group of college mates and I didn't recognise him as being one of mine til I'd drawn level with him. He blanked me completely, not so much as a quick grin...and then had the nerve to text me a moment later asking for some lunch money!

He's not really been that bad actually, never been much of a drama queen but sometimes I despair at having to teach him the basics; brushing teeth/showering more than once a month/ offering to make a brew if someone is sat 3 feet away from you when you're making yourself one/if the bus has been 5 minutes early for the first four days of the week the chances are it will also be early on friday etc etc

I also find he's at his chattiest when in the car. I can have more conversation in a 10 minute journey than the rest of the week sometimes.


And I'm dreading the youngest hitting puberty, he's a different character altogether, far more loving and affectionate, I suspect I'm going to really miss that...

CH27

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Has anyone else learnt how to tell from 10 paces, what mood their teen is in, just from the look on their face?
I must admit, its come in handy. I can tell whether to say "Hello, did you have a nice day at school" or to say "Hello, would you like arsenic with your tea?"

Oh yes! :rotfl:

easy

loracan1 wrote: »

I also find he's at his chattiest when in the car. I can have more conversation in a 10 minute journey than the rest of the week sometimes.

That was true until mine got his smartphone at christmas. Now we get in the car, his earphones go in and he starts either surfing or texting. I'm anticipating that long journeys might bring on car-sickness mind you.

kwmlondon

I have no kids, nor will I ever have so I can only speak from the point of view of someone who has occasionally worked with teenagers and was once a teenage boy and doubtless caused much misery and despair!

All those points on page 1 are excellent. I'd just add one more - don't expect to be friends with your kid any more. When he was a child he looked up to you, wanted your approval and love and protection.

He's not a kid now, nor is he an adult. He NEEDS your support but resents it. He is desperate to be an adult but has none of the skills or experience to handle the responsibility and advantages being an adult brings.

If you can, make him feel like an adult as much as possible, but he won't understand enough about responsibilities and consequences to fulfil the role which will make you responsible for framing all this for him.

While he's learning the boundaries of how the world of adults works he can't vent on teachers, on the law, on shop-assistants or other teenagers - you are the only one who will love him unconditionally and will, in years to come, put his behaviour behind you and see him as an equal.

I'm actually a bit emotional when I try to write how much I love my mother and my father and how I felt when, I was an adult, my dad said to me "if you were not my son I'd still be proud to know you as a person."

If I can offer some tips:
1. Try to keep your cool at all times - show him how he should be behaving as an adult.
2. Try, where you can, to discuss options and what choices you have and explain why you've made the decisions you have.
3. If you can involve him in these discussions then do, but make it clear it's your responsibility so at the end of the day the final decision on matters is yours.
4. If a discussion is becoming and argument, stop it. Walk away. Discuss it another day. Don't tell him anything other than "we can't discuss this now, let's deal with it tomorrow," and come back to it with "now we're can talk more reasonably..."

Instead of mourning the loss of the child you brought into the world, look forward to getting to know the adult who will emerge, uncomfortably and difficultly from all the hormones, sexuality, shame, relationships, responsibility and all the other things that make being a teenager utter, utter hell!

Spendless

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Has anyone else learnt how to tell from 10 paces, what mood their teen is in, just from the look on their face?
I must admit, its come in handy. I can tell whether to say "Hello, did you have a nice day at school" or to say "Hello, would you like arsenic with your tea?"

Not even by seeing his face. I can tell by hisbody language. It was something we covered on a course I was on last year. If I see DS standing or walking in a particular way it means 'I am in a mood about something'.

WantToBeSE

kwmlondon wrote: »

I have no kids, nor will I ever have so I can only speak from the point of view of someone who has occasionally worked with teenagers and was once a teenage boy and doubtless caused much misery and despair!

All those points on page 1 are excellent. I'd just add one more - don't expect to be friends with your kid any more. When he was a child he looked up to you, wanted your approval and love and protection.

He's not a kid now, nor is he an adult. He NEEDS your support but resents it. He is desperate to be an adult but has none of the skills or experience to handle the responsibility and advantages being an adult brings.

If you can, make him feel like an adult as much as possible, but he won't understand enough about responsibilities and consequences to fulfil the role which will make you responsible for framing all this for him.

While he's learning the boundaries of how the world of adults works he can't vent on teachers, on the law, on shop-assistants or other teenagers - you are the only one who will love him unconditionally and will, in years to come, put his behaviour behind you and see him as an equal.

I'm actually a bit emotional when I try to write how much I love my mother and my father and how I felt when, I was an adult, my dad said to me "if you were not my son I'd still be proud to know you as a person."

If I can offer some tips:
1. Try to keep your cool at all times - show him how he should be behaving as an adult.
2. Try, where you can, to discuss options and what choices you have and explain why you've made the decisions you have.
3. If you can involve him in these discussions then do, but make it clear it's your responsibility so at the end of the day the final decision on matters is yours.
4. If a discussion is becoming and argument, stop it. Walk away. Discuss it another day. Don't tell him anything other than "we can't discuss this now, let's deal with it tomorrow," and come back to it with "now we're can talk more reasonably..."

Instead of mourning the loss of the child you brought into the world, look forward to getting to know the adult who will emerge, uncomfortably and difficultly from all the hormones, sexuality, shame, relationships, responsibility and all the other things that make being a teenager utter, utter hell!

Thanks kwmlondon- i really appreciated your post, and the bit i highlighted in particular. I always to TRY to bear this in mind, but to be reminded by you in such a lovely post, really has reinforced it

WantToBeSE

Spendless wrote: »

Not even by seeing his face. I can tell by hisbody language. It was something we covered on a course I was on last year. If I see DS standing or walking in a particular way it means 'I am in a mood about something'.

:rotfl:It's so funny, i was going to write 'body language' not face, but thought you'd all think i was mental if i explained that even with his back to me, i cantell what mood he is in, by the way he stands Glad its not just me

WantToBeSE

easy wrote: »

I often say " If anyone could convince you of how difficult it is to be a parent, none of us would have children, and the human race would die out"

It's definitely harder than any job I did in my life before before I had him - and I'm an older mum, I was 38 when my darling boy was born !!

(the phrase Darling Boy uttered thru clenched teeth )

Gosh, how true is that!
When you are planning to become a parent, they tell you about toilet training, weaning, but funnily enough they never mention that this cute little bundle grows up and goes throug the "Kevin and Perry" stage!
The person who reminded me of the "Yes Mrs Patterson, Thank you Mrs Patterson" earlier on in the thread really made me laugh, as everyone always says how lovely my son is, how well mannered and a delight etc etc....