Someone please tell me the best way to deal with teenagers!?

suzeesu2000

Teenagers make you understand why some animals eat their young......

skivenov

I could be totally out of line here as I've not got my own kids, if you think I am, you're entitled to do that.

I used to work with 14-17 year olds a lot, my standpoint with them is, "I'm not going to talk to you like a kid, because as I see it, you're an intelligent adult, so I will respect you as one and treat you like one. If you want treating like a little kid, act like one.".

If they do something you don't agree with, tell them, but tell them your reasoning why, and be prepared to discuss your and their standpoints.

EG - "Clean your room" turns into "I'm worried about your room (abridged) because of pests/disease/breathing stuffy air isn't good for you/damp damages the house, you're old enough to sort it out yourself, but can I help you?". However, make sure there's a positive with the negative.

Basically, you've raised a child, that's done, now it's time to form an adult. If someone told you what they thought you should do, you'd probably be inclined to resist, the same applies here. The best course is to steer them to the right answer and make them tink it's their idea.

pulpfictionlover

Im glad i came across this,I thought i was the only 1 with a 13yr old son acting up it started at the age of 12 for my son hard to control as a single parent very moody anything i done was never ever right.
My son actually punched out hes front bedroom window as a return in punishment i took hes DS of him that he just got for Xmas.(i gave it away)
I didnt know what to do luckily hes father has taken him and i have noticed a big change in hes behaviour.
I have him school holidays and boy do i go nuts (i do love him though)
Im at a loss for what u can do its hard i know that much and it is hormones.

Tiglath

Spendless wrote: »

I have a nearly 13 yo son too. 2 other things I've found help, one is to give warning to finish what they are doing in order to do whatever you are wanting them to do. The other thing is to give human contact. I find I get a more co-operative response from DS if I place my hand on his arm and ask him to do something, rather than just standing there saying it.

This works on middle-aged husbands too

SingleSue

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

Some good advise there from the other posters. My eldest DS is 14,nearly 15 and I feel your pain rofl.

My sister teaches this age group and she reckons the staff talk about "lazy boy" syndrome at this age.

When out with a bunch of mums from school recently we were chatting about this and from mums with older boys and others simular ages it seems boys have always been this way.

Has yours developed a "lynx" habit yet. Mine and his mates go through loads of the stuff, although he has started to be a bit less liberal with it and has started to pinch the odd squirt of his Dads "proper" aftershave.

You can always tell if the lads are meeting girls as they go from covered in scent to totally drenched lol.

I have found in the last few months though he swings from grumpy non comunicator to having quiet little discussions. I can remember thinking suddenly one time, wow its like having a conversation with another adult-as opposed to a child. It was a bit odd really, but nice. I just hope as he gets older we get less of the grumpy, lazy, cheeky git and more of the thoughtful adult(ish) young man.

Ali x

I'm still waiting for youngest to go through it, he may be nearly 15 but his emotional and body age is a lot younger (he went through terrible twos at nearly 6!). Mind you, it's not a bad thing, middle son (16) is still going through the hormones bit and eldest (19) is just coming out of the other end!

Think youngest would like the hormones to kick in soon, he is still the size of a 10 year old, it will be a mighty relief to him when he no longers looks like a young year 6 or 7 (he has a growth problem which we have known about since he was 18 months old, his bone age back then was 9 months old and we were warned he would go through a very late puberty and be small all through high school)

Seanymph

I'll share one of my favourite stories - I was complaining with another mum about our sons, they were in the same class - and mine's laziness.

She topped it.

Apparently she phoned her house from work a few days before, and her son, who she knew was in the house, answered the phone but didn't speak. Apparently he 'couldn't be bothered'. So he picked it up, but said nothing! And they DON'T have call recognition so it could have been anyone.

She was trying to be pleased he bothered to answer it rather than focus on him taking non-communication to such levels.

They really do drop out of the species for a while there...

I'm lovign the thread though, because let's face it, shared misery is a good thing

WantToBeSE

Morning everyone.
Well, he has come downstairs this morning all cheery and like nothing has happened, so we both live to tell another tale.

I definitely know that tiredness triggers it, but he will never admit he is tired, and stays up as late as he can get away with (in bed at 9.30pm school nights, lights off at 10pm).

I think i am going to have a look at my budget and try to work out an allowance, and see if that generates some responsibility.

Its so nice to hear that i am not the only one struggling with a teen boy.
His Dad and I are not together (i am a single parent) but i am very lucky in that his Dad pretty much backs me up and demands that our children respect me

Seanymph

Well done you. When we gave an allowance it saved us money - I no longer bought any clothes, got hit up for outings, paid for presents to family........ on balance I think it saved a fortune.

Mine learnt really quickly to say 'will you pay for this or will I have to'.

Hang in there, I have to confess i took mine to the college bus at 7.15am and he barely spoke to me. So there was me all thrilled yesterday because we'd had a great day and he cooked us all dinner, and this morning was like going back three years!

I just kept smiling and talking, it drives him nuts

Spendless

I told mine this week that I would provide daily for him dinner money (or a packed lunch), a drink and his bus fayre, but other than that anything he wanted was to come out of the £20 a month I will give him. This is to stop the just about daily asks for extra cash. This morning he turned his nose up at the toast I offered him for breakfast and then asked for money to get something (his school sells breakfast items), I told him to use his own money. He wasn't best pleased and tried to turn it into that 'I was whining'. I told him I was just stating not whining and ignored. Let's see if he eats breakfast at home tomorrow.:D

For me, for the rest I am happy to keep providing clothes. Mine isn't into brands though- I might have a different view if he was. He currently does no clubs and as he needs to develop friendships and doesn't go out often, am happy to pay for socialising too.

Re- smellies. On Christmas day my son opened a toiletry set from his Great grandmother (David Beckham one). He looked baffled and then gave it his Dad saying he'd opened one of his by accident and had to hunt thru the discarded wrapping paper for confirmation it really was for him.:rotfl:

victory

Seanymph wrote: »

Well done you. When we gave an allowance it saved us money - I no longer bought any clothes, got hit up for outings, paid for presents to family........ on balance I think it saved a fortune.

Mine learnt really quickly to say 'will you pay for this or will I have to'.

Hang in there, I have to confess i took mine to the college bus at 7.15am and he barely spoke to me. So there was me all thrilled yesterday because we'd had a great day and he cooked us all dinner, and this morning was like going back three years!

I just kept smiling and talking, it drives him nuts

I agree with the keep talking to him, it drives them nuts:rotfl::rotfl: I used to do it with my nearly 20 year old who has come out of it the other side and it did drive him nuts:rotfl::rotfl: loads of smiles, loads of chit chat, just keep chatting as if they are actually listening and do care about what you are saying (as if!!) excellent way to send them crazy.:rotfl:

I was looking for the John Bishop comedy show where he tells the story of ' a little bit of loveliness falls off them as they grown up, a little bit of loveliness until they grow up into a teenager and look at you as if they are doing you a favour by staying in your house and getting everything for free':rotfl::rotfl: it is spot on, the look they give you:D

If you don't mind saying how much was the allowance? Did you give it to him monthly? I give my soon to be teenager weekly pocket money which he squirrels away for the larger purchases like an xbox game or a visit to the cinema with his friends but I am thinking we do add more to it as we pay for other things so maybe a set monthly allowance would be better?