Someone please tell me the best way to deal with teenagers!?

Seanymph

Allowance:

We had five teens at home at one point (truly!) - we hit christmas and by the time I'd given them all money to buy each other presents, and money for them to buy us presents - and their friends at school, and their relatives..... I worked out it was nearly £1,000!

So, we decided what we would pay for: School uniform and school shoes, one coat a year, clubs and hobbies (football boots, membership fees, horses and stabling etc...) school trips, family outings if one of us was present, bathroom goods (shampoo, deodarant etc), a mobile phone each and £10 a month on either contract or PAYG, a laptop each for school, any school books...

We then gave them an allowance each - £10 a week - they didnt' lose this if they worked, they didn't have to do anything to 'earn' it, and they got it into their hand every friday. I also took them to the bank (Natwest) who did a card account for kids from age 11 and opened an account.

They had to pay for any presents to each other (yay!) - all casual clothing, social events etc....

SS was 'fined' £5.00 a week forever once because he missed a school trip for fighting in class and I lost my deposit. But generally that was 'their' money.

For christmas then it really was a present to get pj's and socks and slippers etc....

So, that's how I did an 'allowance' - I provided the first phone and sim card, but next time it landed in the fishing lake he bought his replacement - he lost it.

It really is a case of be honest with yourself - can you live with shutting his bedroom door? I can. So I don't tidy bedrooms.

I dont' bring down washing - they bring it to me, or it doesn't get washed, unless it's sunny and I've run out of washing in the kitche, but with two teen sisters he's learnt now to work the washing machine.

You have to have balance (which is why I watched American Pie!) you have to keep being nice to them............ but all of mine have me on facebook - I too send messages and can see what they are up to.

Until they left school they weren't allowed phones, computers, or tv's in their rooms.

If they wanted to do that, they did it with us (although we put a tv in OUR room!)........... we did however get sky+, so that we could tape things that they (or we) wanted to watch, to save conflict.

it's all about saving conflict. Only offer a punishment (removal of xbox) if you can see it through, and it serves a purpose. It's not something I'd target - but I took a bedroom door off a teenage daughters room once and put it in the shed because she slammed it Having to take your clothes to the bathroom to get dressed every day gets mighty tiring....

So, stay calm, keep talking to him - say 'you can't be talking to me' when he's rude. Explain how it works. 'I was going to stay with you and help muck out your horse, but as you were so bloomin' grumpy on the way here in the car I don't want to be around you, I'm going to go home and you can do it yourself, I'll be back in an hour'. The next night he'll remember to be nice.

But they are learning, their brains are scrambled, it's a scarey old world they are trying to find acceptance in, everythings new, and let's face it, old people are a pain............

Listen to radio 1 when they aren't around, and name drop new bands to them (discover ones they don't k now!) - go to the cinema with him, drag him if you need to (SS is my Twilight buddy) - I am a 'legend' according to my teens mates. I'm not, I work at it, but it doesn't do me any harm when their mates like you.

Seanymph

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I was on Facebook in the early hours of the morning on a school day when I noticed that my 14 year old had posted a message on his wall. I sent him a private message which read "Get off Facebook and go to SLEEP - love mum". He saw the message straight away and got the shock of his life. He came down the next morning looking very sheepish :rotfl:

Just read this - my SS was off school sick upstairs and not allowed his computer in his room - I suddenly saw a post on his wall where he'd 'liked' redtube pornsite.

I went up the stairs like I had rockets on my feet!

:rotfl:

They really are stupid teenagers. It's not so hard to stay one step ahead of them as long as you don't let them make you cross and you keep thinking.

RAS

Seanymph, thanks. Wish you had been my mum!

OP - Read Steve Biddulph and Camille Batmanghelidjh for basic facts on the development of the body and brain in teenage years; Kid's Company find they can re-wired very disturbed 14 year olds because of the massive changes in the brains at that time.

ciderwithrosie_2

A sense of humour and alcohol will get you through it!

Seriously, don't get hung up on the small stuff.
Ignore grumps and hissy fits.
If they don't wash - tell them they soon won't have any friends!
Same with clothes/bedding/uniform, if they don't put it out you can't wash it, so they'll have to go round dirty.
If they're hungry enough, they'll eat it.
yes they do seem to need twice as much sleep as anyone else.
All teenagers think their own parents are hideously unfair and embarrassing and everyone else's parents are uber cool.

thunderbird

Thank you for this thread, it has really make me laugh at a subject which generally makes me feel like crying!

I have a 13 yr old DS who is just like this and has been for sometime - it is a myth that it is not until they are teenagers that they behave like this!

I do try to remind myself that, however stressful it is, the behaviour is completely normal and healthy - if they go though adolescence without doing this, then you should worry

WantToBeSE

Thanks everybody-i guess its just a case of staying consistant, enjoying (or trying to) something together (xbox in this case-although it'll be a struggle!), firm but fair boundaries and just riding it out.

When did i turn into this awfully embarassing mum? I never saw myself as this, but he wont even walk beside me when we walk down the street!

busiscoming2

Agree with what's been said already. My youngest has definitely been the worst (nearly 16), but he has improved greatly in the last six months, which could be the influence of his current girlfriend. Her parents are quite restrictive and I think this has helped him to see we aren't that bad really!

You do need to set boundaries and rules and stick to them. They say they hate them but I believe it keeps them safe and although they think you are hateful, deep down they understand. (Maybe I am delusional!)

scooby088

Only advice I can give is don't get them a headset or online account for the x box as this will cause even more rows over swearing to strangers shouting at mates who dont do what you want them to do.

Spendless

I have a nearly 13 yo son too. 2 other things I've found help, one is to give warning to finish what they are doing in order to do whatever you are wanting them to do. The other thing is to give human contact. I find I get a more co-operative response from DS if I place my hand on his arm and ask him to do something, rather than just standing there saying it.

Treevo

building_with_lego wrote: »

Will that be their decision or yours? :cool:

:rotfl::rotfl:

Mine. Adderall in their breakfast and Night Nurse on a drip. I'm already stockpiling.