is this interfereing to much?

missindecisive

Mt son and his gf are regularly having sex under my roof. they are both 16 and still at school. I know that they are using condoms but I am terrified that she will fall pregnant by accident.
I have suggested to my son that it might perhaps be a good idea if she considered going on the pill. He talked to her and she asked some questions via him about where to get it from etc. I suggested that she should think about it and perhaps talk to her own mum for advice....however, my son says her mother will stop them seeing eachother if she finds out. Now my DH has said I have overstepped the mark and says it was none of my business in the first place, and that I should not have said anything! Have I done wrong? My son recognizes that an unplanned pregnancy at his age would be a disaster for both of them..he wants to use condoms aswell as her being on the pill and I think he is being really mature about it. What do I do now, if anything? Ive told them where to go for it, I think now the decision is hers, but I am a bit alarmed that she won't go to her own parent and if that parent finds out and is upset that I suggested it to their daughter then they will be upset with me...have I done wrong?

krlyr

At 16 I doubt she doesn't know of the pill's existence and could probably track it down easily enough on her own if she wanted to.
I imagine her parents may go more nuts at you at "allowing" them to have sex in your house than of mentioning the pill to her if they're that overprotective!
IMO you've done nothing wrong - had you driven her to a family planning clinic or pretended to be her mum to get her a prescription for the pill, I think that would be overstepping the line, but talking to your son about safe sex is your responsibility and all you did was suggest that he suggests the pill as a backup.

Macca83_2

Yes, Id imagine that her mum would be pretty annoyed if she found out. But taking it that they're both 16? Theres not alot she can do. In fact, her down right refusal to talk to her daughter about protection is far more damaging than you making the suggestion that they look into other forms of protection to use as well.

Well done to your son and his girlfriend taking a mature approach to the situation. You've raised him well.

oopsadaisydoddle

missindecisive wrote: »

Mt son and his gf are regularly having sex under my roof. they are both 16 and still at school. I know that they are using condoms but I am terrified that she will fall pregnant by accident.
I have suggested to my son that it might perhaps be a good idea if she considered going on the pill. He talked to her and she asked some questions via him about where to get it from etc. I suggested that she should think about it and perhaps talk to her own mum for advice....however, my son says her mother will stop them seeing eachother if she finds out. Now my DH has said I have overstepped the mark and says it was none of my business in the first place, and that I should not have said anything! Have I done wrong? My son recognizes that an unplanned pregnancy at his age would be a disaster for both of them..he wants to use condoms aswell as her being on the pill and I think he is being really mature about it. What do I do now, if anything? Ive told them where to go for it, I think now the decision is hers, but I am a bit alarmed that she won't go to her own parent and if that parent finds out and is upset that I suggested it to their daughter then they will be upset with me...have I done wrong?

No I don't think you've done wrong at all. I'm in a similar position myself. My DS is 17 and his GF 16. I know they are using condoms but I worry about pregnancy too.

I think it's great you're able to talk to him about these things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It also means that hopefully he will open up to you if he has any concerns.

It is always going to be his GF's choice and there's nothing you can do if she is not willing. Just as long as you make sure our son knows he can talk to you, i think things will be fine. You could also maybe mention that she would be able to get the pill without seeing her GP, in case she's worried about confidentiality. I know it wouldn't be ideal having to keep it from her parents but better them finding out she was on the pill than that they're going to be Grandparents!

I got pregnant at 19 and even that was too early looking back so I am terrified my DS will do the same...I feel your fear!

Re: your DH, just take what he says with a pinch of salt and tell him your son is OK talking to you.

Good luck!

Mojisola

missindecisive wrote: »

I suggested that she should think about it and perhaps talk to her own mum for advice....however, my son says her mother will stop them seeing eachother if she finds out.

Now my DH has said I have overstepped the mark and says it was none of my business in the first place, and that I should not have said anything!

My son recognizes that an unplanned pregnancy at his age would be a disaster for both of them..he wants to use condoms aswell as her being on the pill and I think he is being really mature about it.

Unless your son is going to be financially independent and care for any grandchild of yours who arrives on the scene, I think it is your business.

If you're worried about the effect a pregnancy might have on his life, think of the girl!

I disagree that your son is being mature. If he was he probably wouldn't be having sex with his gf knowing that her mother would be unhappy about it and he would have made an appointment for them both to be seen at a family planning clinic. It sounds more like he's just being a 16 year old boy.

skintchick

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve.

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.

At the moment they may believe that you don't allow it, and think their daughter is 'safe' coming over to your house(inverted commas because obviously she is physically safe but they may see her as not being safe with your son in terms of sex) , when in fact you are letting them have sex.

If I were her parent I would expect you to let me know, so that I could talk to my daughter about sex and contraception. After all, if she does get pregnant it will be them dealing with the pregnancy and baby. They deserve to know what's going on.

justmel

I don't think you have done wrong OP,the girl is 16,legally old enough to have sex and legally old enough to see her gp or visit a sexual health clinic for contraception without the knowledge or consent of her mother.

The mum may well get angry that you allowed them to have sex in your house,it an be very hard to accept teenagers growing up and different people have different rules but if they did not have sex in your house they would find somewhere else to do it and at least you have confronted the issue.

I myself have a daughter who will be 16 soon,has a boyfriend but assures me she is not yet sexually active,i do believe her at the moment too as most of their time is spent at his house and his parents don't allow them too much alone tie or to go upstairs together etc.

Despite this i have already spoken with my daughter and said that when the time comes it is sensible to think about going on the pill and using condoms with it and i most certainly would not be offended if her bf's mum suggested it too,i would be thankful for the sense of responsibility on her part.

Parenting teenagers is not an easy task,you an only do what you believe to be best and far better for this girl to be on the pill if she wants to be than to go home to her mum and have to tell her she is pregnant.

oopsadaisydoddle

skintchick wrote: »

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve.

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.

At the moment they may believe that you don't allow it, and think their daughter is 'safe' coming over to your house(inverted commas because obviously she is physically safe but they may see her as not being safe with your son in terms of sex) , when in fact you are letting them have sex.

If I were her parent I would expect you to let me know, so that I could talk to my daughter about sex and contraception. After all, if she does get pregnant it will be them dealing with the pregnancy and baby. They deserve to know what's going on.

I disagree with this. OP may not be 'allowing' this. My DS must do it when I'm not in because he certainly doesn't do it when I am!! I wouldn't stop him being alone in the house with his GF every time we're not there too.

I also don't believe OP has any need to tell the girl's parents either. That's up to the girl herself. The only time i think it would be is if the girl was under age and even then I'd be reluctant.

It's not the nicest situation and I dislike it too but if OP is OK with what is happening and she obviously feels that it is best to be open with her son rather than him secretive. We all have different ideas about this and OP's question was whether she was interfering too much - I don't believe she is.

gingin_2

Skintchick, where is the morality in going against the wishes of two legally consenting people having intercourse? If they were underage I could understand but the best thing the OP has is their trust. Why upset that?

OP, is the daughter won't talk to her mother I would suggest she talks to her GP, or family planning clinic.

Macca83_2

skintchick wrote: »

If I were her parent I would expect you to let me know, so that I could talk to my daughter about sex and contraception.

Im sorry but the girlfriends parents should have had this conversation with her long before now regardless of whether they think she's sexually active. I actually find it a disgrace that they could be so closed minded about the whole situation.

choccybuttons

Hi

You could give your son a leaflet for the local family planning service with dates, times ect. There is a special youth family planning clinic where I live too. Your providing him with information as to where to get condoms ect, if he shares this with his gf then its up to him.