is this interfereing to much?

Treevo

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless your son is going to be financially independent and care for any grandchild of yours who arrives on the scene, I think it is your business.

If you're worried about the effect a pregnancy might have on his life, think of the girl!

I disagree that your son is being mature. If he was he probably wouldn't be having sex with his gf knowing that her mother would be unhappy about it and he would have made an appointment for them both to be seen at a family planning clinic. It sounds more like he's just being a 16 year old boy.

They're above the age of consent. To suggest that he should need her mother's permission is outrageous. More outrageous than the idea that the girl herself needs anyone's permission other than her own.

busiscoming2

I believe the OP did the right thing. I have had the same conversation with my soon to be 16yo DS.

Skintchick - I don't believe the OP is responsible for telling the other parent. Allowing them to do it in her home is better than them hiding in the park or some other such place.

Treevo

skintchick wrote: »

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve.

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.

At the moment they may believe that you don't allow it, and think their daughter is 'safe' coming over to your house(inverted commas because obviously she is physically safe but they may see her as not being safe with your son in terms of sex) , when in fact you are letting them have sex.

If I were her parent I would expect you to let me know, so that I could talk to my daughter about sex and contraception. After all, if she does get pregnant it will be them dealing with the pregnancy and baby. They deserve to know what's going on.

Why do you think a person's (above the age of consent) sex life is anyone else's business other than their own?

Person_one

As she's 16, its not up to the girl's mum if she has a sexual relationship or not.

I think its good that you're trying to help, and would suggest that you actually go further.

Condoms alone, especially at their age when they aren't experiences at using them, are not the best way to prevent a pregnancy. If the girl's mum would go ballistic if she found a packet of pills then there are still other options for her such as an implant or the depo jab.

I would go to your local Brook or family planning centre and ask for a few leaflets about various contraception options and how to access the services confidentially and give them to your son.

Its not your place to make these decisions for them, but helping teenagers get hold of good information and empowering them to make good choices is what caring parents do. Its great that they know they can come to you for support.

FBaby

I think you are showing to be a very responsible and realistic parent. However, what I think should be the next step, considering your son agrees with you, would be to encourage him to go with her either to her GP or to the local sexual health clinic to provide her with support if indeed the prospect of going to ask for the pill is a bit frightening to her.

I think you are very right that at their age, it is very likely they could get away and forget to put a condom once, or that they run out, and therefore to insure no pregnancy she should go on the pill.

They are doing nothing wrong as long as they are responsible, and being responsible is learning to face difficult/embarassing situations such as going to a doctor and asking to be prescribe the pill.

RAS

I would encourage both these young people to attend the nearest family planning clinic together; so they understand the joint responsibility for contraception.

Person_one

skintchick wrote: »

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.

What if her parents are so extreme that they hurt her, or punish her excessively when they find out? Parents like that do exist.

These parents should have done a better job so that their daughter felt able to come to them in the first place. Its not the OP's job to be their informant.

Far from having a moral duty I actually think it would be entirely unethical to break the young woman's confidence in this way.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

As she's 16, its not up to the girl's mum if she has a sexual relationship or not.

It's difficult at that inbetween age - yes, it's legal but who is going to pick up the pieces if she gets pregnant?

Most people would expect her parents to help her even though she was having sex against their wishes and was too young to cope with the consequences.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

It's difficult at that inbetween age - yes, it's legal but who is going to pick up the pieces if she gets pregnant?

Most people would expect her parents to help her even though she was having sex against their wishes and was too young to cope with the consequences.

It doesn't really matter, you have to cross that bridge when you come to it, and most teenagers who have sexual relationships never actually come to it.

Macca83_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Most people would expect her parents to help her even though she was having sex against their wishes and was too young to cope with the consequences.

They're more likely to have to deal with the consequences if they can't sit down and have an adult conversation with their daughter regarding contraception.