is this interfereing to much?

Person_one

skintchick wrote: »

Because a) she is not an adult and b) she is living in her parents' home which means she needs to live by their house rules.

And if children stop being their parents' business at any age I think that's sad. Parents should always care about their children and want the best for them.

Gradually making the transition from adult/child to adult/adult relationship is a hugely important part of being a parent. Its a slow process involving little changes and adaptations, they don't suddenly 'stop being their business' but the nature of how they relate has to change in order to stay healthy and functional.

coinxoperated

skintchick wrote: »

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve. OK - So they have already started having sex. By taking away a warm bed and clean surroundings, they'll end up doing it in some shed or something. I'm sorry, but just because you wish to disapprove, doesn't mean it won't happen.

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.
Big mistake. Growing up my Mother was under the impression that as long as I was home before dark, I wouldn't get up to anything naughty! Turns out you can hump all day. The LAST thing this LEGAL 16 year old girl needs is even more lack of support from her parents.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.
Why? She is 16 and legal to have sex. It's upto the 16 year old to protect herself. Her parents are by the sound of it, just saying no to contraception. Take contraception away... she isn't going to just stop having sex!

At the moment they may believe that you don't allow it, and think their daughter is 'safe' coming over to your house(inverted commas because obviously she is physically safe but they may see her as not being safe with your son in terms of sex) , when in fact you are letting them have sex. The girl is 16 years old and able to legally consent to have sex. The OP is doing nothing wrong. The parents didnt contact the OP and ask. Why stir things?

If I were her parent I would expect you to let me know, so that I could talk to my daughter about sex and contraception. I think your very nieve if you think that another parent should tell you. Maybe the 'talk' should of been had when puberty had started. The OP has discussed a few different options, leave them be. The OP can only explain to her son the importance of using condoms and use of the morning after pill for any accidents. The son and girlfriend are able to go to any GUM clinic and get all sorts of different contraception. Give them a leaflet!!!

After all, if she does get pregnant it will be them dealing with the pregnancy and baby. She's 16. She's old enough to legally consent to sex, therefore is old enough to know about contraception. If her parents were more open and discussed contraception more, the worry wouldn't be there. It's just ensuring each person involved is educated.

They deserve to know what's going on. No they don't. They don't want to educate their daughter about contraception and think that will stop her having sex? Its ridiculous.

Well done OP. I suggest you give them some leaflets about the contraceptive Implant, Pill, Coil, Condoms and Morning After Pill.

Well done for supporting this poor girl and your son. Please do not tell her parents, nor kick them out or 'ban' them. It's important that trust is kept and at 16, legally, nobody is doing anything wrong.

mountainofdebt

skintchick wrote: »

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

How on earth would you start that conversation???

imo that's one sure way of the OP's son never telling her anything ever again

coinxoperated

skintchick wrote: »

Because a) she is not an adult But is legal to have sex in the eyes of the law. At 16 I was living in my own house, with a long term boyfriend and a full time job. Age is not everything. and b) she is living in her parents' home Well maybe they should of taught her how to NOT get pregnant rather to just NOT have sex! which means she needs to live by their house rules. <--- What teenager sticks with their parents rules!?

And if children stop being their parents' business at any age I think that's sad. They only stop listening to parents when they are controlling, unsupportive, unhelpful and no longer somebody they can talk to. Parents should always care about their children and want the best for them. I totally agree with this. Banning sex is not the way forward though!

I have to ask - Are you a particular religion? Your extremely Anti-sex. My mother was very controlling and nieve about everything sexually related. I used to go to my 'friends house' at 10am, come back at 6pm, and as long as I didn't sleep over anywhere apparently I wouldn't have sex!! I started having sex at the age of 13. I'm not proud of it, but it was more being intrigued about this 'we don't talk about this' about the whole thing. I also don't look back and feel taken advantage of or feel I was too immature to have sex. Illigal as it was, and I wouldn't want me own child to do it that young, I would support them and would hope they could discuss this with me!

I remember having to hide the pill in a stuffed toy!!!!

mummybearx

I'm almost 29 and I've never discussed sex with my dad! My god the thought alone makes me feel :eek:

Op, it's really good that you and your son have a close enough relationship that you can talk about this.

And it's not up to you to talk to her parents, she is a consenting participant of a legal age, it's nothing to do with anyone but the two of them. Don't listen to your husband either, he should feel comfortable talking to your son too.

Google for your local family planning clinic and pass their number to your son. The girl just needs to call and make an appointment. If she wants to do that.

X

missindecisive

Coinxoperated- I hid mine in a teddy too..!!

duchy

skintchick wrote: »

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve.

The very least you should do is call them and let them know that their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your son, and that you have talked to your son about contraception, so they are aware of the situation.

They deserve to know their daughter is having sex at such a young age, and now that you know that they would not approve I think you have a moral duty to them to let them know.

?

If the girl was under sixteen I might agree with you but the young woman is legally of the age of consent -and legally it is no-one's business but her own. Her doctor would not be permitted to discuss anything with her mother and MORALLY neither should anyone else.

Now you may not agree with a law that allows young people to be sexually active and have medical confidentiality at sixteen -but that is currently the law and if it should be changed is an entirely different discussion.

Do you actually have children Skintchick ?

Person_one

missindecisive wrote: »

Coinxoperated- I hid mine in a teddy too..!!

I kept mine in the bathroom cabinet.

I don't think I realised how lucky I was at the time, might go and thank my mum and dad 13 years after the fact!

krlyr

skintchick wrote: »

I think that you are doing wrong by allowing them to have sex when you now know that her parents would not approve.

Where do you draw the line? Is it up to OP to enforce another parent's rules in their own home?
To give an example, my brother's girlfriend comes from a strict family. Overly strict, in my view, one of the recent issues being that the father banned her (a 20 year old, with a job, paying her way) from getting a mobile phone on a contract that she could afford. He actually refused to sign for the phone when she ordered it and banned her from having it delivered elsewhere.
Now, my mum wouldn't disrespect her father's wishes by ordering the phone for her or taking delivery of it, but should my brother's girlfriend arrive at my mum's house with said new phone - should my mum ban her from coming into the house with it? Phone up her dad and report it?
It's a parent's business to enforce the rules they want to enforce. My brother's girlfriend decided the rules weren't for her and moved out before Christmas. If OP's son's girlfriend's parents want to enforce a no-sex rule, they enforce it in their home/as widely as they can, but if OP doesn't share the same view on it, they shouldn't be forced to have the same rules in their own house.

SmallL

Person_one wrote: »

I kept mine in the bathroom cabinet.

I don't think I realised how lucky I was at the time, might go and thank my mum and dad 13 years after the fact!

Iv been on the mini-pill since i was 11 (due to my periods causing so much pain i would faint!) So i never had the problem of hiding them