is this interfereing to much?

Mojisola

I think if someone isn't old enough to deal with the consequences of their actions - in this case, having sex - they're not old enough to be doing it.

And I know youngsters will have sex anyway but don't the people who will have to deal with the problems deserve to know that the risky behaviour is being indulged in?

candjsmum

I can't believe at 16 her mum hasn't at least talked to her. My 17 year old DD has been in a steady relationship for 4 months now and I have openly talked to her about protection, and her 13 year old brother come to that, for many years. I told her that before she entered into a sexual relationship she should go on the pill as well as making him use condoms. This she done although she has since moved onto to the implant which I went with her to have done. I hope you can persuade her to talk to her mum about this to try to sort out some kind of protection. Condoms are fine but I think its better to have 2 methods in place.

thunderbird

Looking at it from the non-parent view - it's just normal and natural and hiding things from your parents is what teenagers do, isn't it?

Maybe her parents are happy in the knowledge that if they don't know about it they can pretend it isn't happening.

I think it is great that you are able to talk to your son like this.

Macca83_2

Mojisola wrote: »

I think if someone isn't old enough to deal with the consequences of their actions - in this case, having sex - they're not old enough to be doing it.

And I know youngsters will have sex anyway but don't the people who will have to deal with the problems deserve to know that the risky behaviour is being indulged in?

At 16 should the parent not have an expectation that their child may be having sex and make sure that they properly inform, help and guide that child?

thunderbird

candjsmum wrote: »

I can't believe at 16 her mum hasn't at least talked to her. My 17 year old DD has been in a steady relationship for 4 months now and I have openly talked to her about protection, and her 13 year old brother come to that, for many years. I told her that before she entered into a sexual relationship she should go on the pill as well as making him use condoms. This she done although she has since moved onto to the implant which I went with her to have done. I hope you can persuade her to talk to her mum about this to try to sort out some kind of protection. Condoms are fine but I think its better to have 2 methods in place.

I don't think it says they have spoken to her - just that they would go mad if they found out. Maybe they have strong views on sex before marriage? - maybe they don't like the boyfriend?

Mojisola

Macca83 wrote: »

At 16 should the parent not have an expectation that their child may be having sex and make sure that they properly inform, help and guide that child?

They may have done. missindecisive only has her son's word that the gf's Mum will stop them seeing each other.

The gf's parents may have given her information. She will also have had lessons at school. The fact that she's still so uncertain about things points to her being rather immature.

If it was one of my sons, I would be asking him to get an urgent appointment for both of them.

thunderbird

Mojisola wrote: »

The fact that she's still so uncertain about things points to her being rather immature.

.

Good point and maybe her parents don't feel she is ready to cope with a sexual relationship

Incidentally - OP, have you met her parents?

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

I think if someone isn't old enough to deal with the consequences of their actions - in this case, having sex - they're not old enough to be doing it.

And I know youngsters will have sex anyway but don't the people who will have to deal with the problems deserve to know that the risky behaviour is being indulged in?

What makes you think they can't deal with the consequences?

rumncoke

To the OP I think you have done the right thing and definitly not overstepped the mark. You have their confidence and have provided information. It is a difficult situation, but a normal, natural part of growing up. At 16 they are both old enough legally. To tell the GF's mom would probably cause them not to confide in you.

We have always been open with our children and only a few months ago I went with DD to sort out the pill. This was just before her 16th birthday. Yes underage but she had been with her BF (16) for nearly 12 months at that time and admitted they started having sex a month before, using condoms. We did speak to both of them and so did BF,s mom but I would rather they be safe than them have do face a pregnancy at such a young age.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

What makes you think they can't deal with the consequences?

Two 16 year olds who can't even get themselves sorted out with good contraception don't sound like people ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.