Whats your opinion?

marisco_2

My parents felt exactly the same as you do when I lived at home with them. To be completely honest they came up against the same problems as you are now. I tried to argue the point with them but it was made very clear to me that whilst under their roof I abided by their rules and respected their views.

I think this had alot to do with me moving out and getting my own place at 23, probably much earlier than I would have done otherwise. It is natural that your daughter wants to have a full relationship with her boyfriend. It will dawn on her sooner or later that to do that, she needs to become independant and self sufficient by standing on her own two feet and getting her own place.

Now I am a parent myself I cant imagine anything worse than doing the deed whilst your parents are in the same house and possibly the next room. Freedom and independance has spoiled me somewhat I think

Nicki

74jax wrote: »

Not worth the cost. It was our choice to stay there or not. She wasn't nasty with it, just her rules. We did have the option obviously to go elsewhere but like I say, didn't bother us.

Same here. My parents live in another country so it already costs us over £1k to visit them. Added to which I now have kids who are too young to sleep alone in a hotel room, so we would be on a no-sex ban wherever we stayed.

Jinx

Person_one wrote: »

Its not really about sex, since I've left home I've never felt any need to have sex in my parents home, even though I could have.

Its about standing up to parents who are treating you like a perpetual child. I bet they'd have re-assessed after a couple of trips where they didn't see their daughter as much.

I completely agree with this.....100%.

When my daughter was away for uni she had a long term boyfriend - when they visited I asked her if they would be sharing as they are adults ( she was 18 at the time but had lived and worked away from home for nearly 2 years). We are close and therefore I knew they stayed over together so why would I expect otherwise when she was here - this is her home too?

And the average age to lose virginity in the UK is 16 according to the BBC.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/virginity

Torry_Quine

PurplePow wrote: »

But this really confuses me! So a couple are together 7 years, not married, so they'd have to sleep in separate rooms. Yet if they were that'd be fine? May I ask why?

These days younger couples are opting to save for deposits first, then weddings later.

If someone thinks that sex outside marriage is wrong then the length of the relationship doesn't change that.

If they want to prioritise buying a house before making the commitment of marriage that's up to them but have to accept that others may not agree.

j.e.j.

mrsma wrote: »

I am not sure if I am being unreasonable about this and so would really value some input from all you sensible people out there.
My dd is 20 and her b/f, who lives in another town, often stays at our house. Some of the time hubby and I are away and I am quite aware that they share her bed. However, I have asked that when we are home, he sleeps in the spare room, I just feel it is respectful to us. However, this week they have disregarded this request. I spoke about it to her and she feels that hubby and I are being unreasonable as they " have been together a year and she is after all 20."
I am particularly annoyed about the fact that they think if they ruffle the cover on the spare bed, we will not notice what they are doing. I'm not sure if I should just let this go, or if I should make an issue of it, and would value your opinions.

Please, stop treating them like naughty children! Your daughter is a 20 year old woman. I could understand it if she was 15!! My parents also had strange views like this, so maybe it's a generational thing. Funnily enough they were fine when my brothers had their girlfriends over to stay the night though.

katie1812

I'd have been quite annoyed if my mum had made me and my boyfriend (now husband) sleep separately. Obviously she only has my best interests at heart, but I think you have to have a certain level of trust. It would imply to me that mum didn't trust me. Just because you share a bed, it doesnt mean theres funny business happening! Maybe encourage being careful instead, or just try one way and see how it goes

SuzieSue

kitschkitty wrote: »

So you think I don't know what I'm talking about - interesting.

Where did I say that? I had actually forgotten that I had quoted you by the time I had finished writing so I wasn't referring to you at all.

Bluemeanie_2

Although I feel that making them sleep separately is pointless, OTT and neither here nor there, at the end of the day it is your house and your rules. If she doesn't like it at 20 years old she could choose to move out.

skintchick

I used to have lodgers (one at a time) and before they moved in I made it clear that as a Christian household I expected no sex in my house.

No-one ever minded, they just found other places to do it.

If people don't want to live in a house with those rules they are welcome to live somewhere else, surely.

The OP's daughter is 20 and therefore presumably has a job and can pay her own rent somewhere else if the house rules bother her.

ska_lover

OP sounds like you have issues and hang-ups. Take a chill pill.

I'm confused reading others replies on this, as people keep saying to show some trust in your daughter, - trust her to do what? I assume that means take precautions?

She's an adult. If you have hang ups over s3x, they are your hang ups, not your daughters.

PS) My son has been having his (same age) long term girlfriend stay over since he was 18 (they are both 21 now). My only request was/is - keep any noise down! His girlfriends parents have allowed the same at her house since the same age as well