Whats your opinion?

System

I think i'm in the your house, your rules camp. I think some people just aren't comfortable with it.

Even when i was 24 and had been with my bf 3 years and lived with him we still weren't allowed to share a room if i stayed at home. I'm 26 now and i think that rule is still in force.

January20

74jax wrote: »

Not worth the cost. It was our choice to stay there or not. She wasn't nasty with it, just her rules. We did have the option obviously to go elsewhere but like I say, didn't bother us.

But what was the reason for her rules? That's what I really want to know! You were married after all.

Nicki, I would like to ask you the same question.

Perhaps it's what Person_one said: treating you like a perpetual child. It's very weird to me, I must say.

Skintchick, I think as a landlady you have a perfect right to have that rule in your house. You don't want to end up having a string of strangers for breakfast.

Sambucus_Nigra

skintchick wrote: »

I used to have lodgers (one at a time) and before they moved in I made it clear that as a Christian household I expected no sex in my house.

No sex in the house is a completely different thing.

The OP is ok for them to have sex in the house, just not sleep together.

KxMx

I do think you are being unreasonable, but I guess you have a right in your own home to say how things go.

If she is paying rent though, you can't treat her as an adult with one hand "you must pay rent" and a child on the other "your bf must sleep in the spare room when we are home".

Your daughters points about being 20 and having been with her partner for a year are valid and sound arguments. I can't say the same about yours, sorry!

As long as both couples in the house are discreet and consider the others when having sex I don't see the issue.

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

No sex in the house is a completely different thing.

The OP is ok for them to have sex in the house, just not sleep together.

This is the bit I can't understand.

thunderbird

If you don't want them to sleep together in your house, then fair enough - but saying that sometimes they can and sometimes they can't is a bit odd/confusing.
OP - can you please come back and explain this part to us all!!

I don't think whether she pays rent is relevant. Just because you pay rent doesn't mean you can do what you want - you still have to abide by any house rules.

evilbunnyhahaha

I'm 26, and have two children, yet if i stayed at my mums with my other half i KNOW without a doubt we would not be allowed to share a room, let alone bed! I can't see how what you both are asking is unreasonable. its your house, so its your rules. if she wants her bf to stay over then they both need to respect your rules. if they keep playing you a fool then maybe his over night stays need to stop. she's 20, she's more than old enough to have gotten over the 'stroppy teenager' stage and therefore should be more than old enough to respect your rules.

its your house, they either stick to your rules, or he doesnt stay. Simple. don't let her back you into a corner where you feel uncomfortable in your own home. your her mum, she needs to respect you, and as the mother of his gf he really ort to respect you more than he currently does! When i first stayed at my other half's parents house, i fully expected to be roomed sepratly to the point i actually took my bag into the 2nd spare room, my mother in law politely told me that as we have 2 children together she cant see why we should be sleeping apart...still wouldnt do anything more than a cuddle with him there!!

stick to your ground!

Nicki

January20 wrote: »

But what was the reason for her rules? That's what I really want to know! You were married after all.

Nicki, I would like to ask you the same question.

No idea! We weren't married and were put in separate rooms. We got married and were put in the same room but with twin beds (which was what they had in that room at the time) then when my grandmother died and her room which had a double bed in it became another spare room, the double bed was replaced with twins and that was where we slept from that day to this. We thought it weird too but have never questioned them on it as they are not very open about sex at the best of times. Other than the awful conception question!

mountainofdebt

Before OH and I got married, we lived together but on the rare occasions we stayed at his parents, we always had separate rooms.

As far as we were concerned it wasn't so much their house their rules but their house their wishes.

daisiegg

I agree with your house, your rules or as mountainofdebt says, your house, your wishes.

My parents are catholic and don't believe in sex outside marriage. I know for a fact that they didn't do it and they believe it is wrong, so why should they allow it under their roof?

I also think some parents may be wary about encouraging lots of 'serious' relationships at a young age. 20 is still quite young and although a year feels like forever at that age, it is not THAT long to be together. I know people in their early to mid twenties who have already racked up 5 or 6 'serious' relationships. If I were their parent I would feel uncomfortable having had 5 or 6 different young people coming into my family, staying in my home and sleeping with my child under my roof. A lot of people even if they are not religious still feel sex is special and shouldn't be done with loads of different people....and a young person can actually mount up quite a lot of sexual partners without 'sleeping around', just through a series of medium length monogamous relationships. That would worry me as a parent.

When I was in my teens/early twenties I was with a boy for 5 years. Not only did we sleep separately at our parents' houses, but we kept up the illusion if having separate rooms in the house we shared, too. My parents are catholic, as I have said, and his were also religious (though not a Christian religion). His sister was in her late twenties, had been with her partner 10 years and lived together for 5, and yet when they visited her parents they still had separate rooms! No one complained or minded. It was about respecting your parents and their beliefs and wishes.