Whats your opinion?

mrsma

I am not sure if I am being unreasonable about this and so would really value some input from all you sensible people out there.
My dd is 20 and her b/f, who lives in another town, often stays at our house. Some of the time hubby and I are away and I am quite aware that they share her bed. However, I have asked that when we are home, he sleeps in the spare room, I just feel it is respectful to us. However, this week they have disregarded this request. I spoke about it to her and she feels that hubby and I are being unreasonable as they " have been together a year and she is after all 20."
I am particularly annoyed about the fact that they think if they ruffle the cover on the spare bed, we will not notice what they are doing. I'm not sure if I should just let this go, or if I should make an issue of it, and would value your opinions.

Seanymph

I don't see how it respects you somehow to enforce seperate beds on a 20 year old.

it's not like you are deluded into believing they aren't sexually active together, or a couple - you acknowledge they ARE sleeping together.

So, make it open, have a frank acceptance between you,a nd become a parent she can be open with.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd make sure they were taking precautions.

fashionlover10

I agree with the above.

I lived with my grandparents at your DDs age and they had the same rule about separate beds until the one and only time my current OH spent the night. We were moving in together the next day so they thought it pointless asking us to sleep apart when we were quite obviously in a committed relationship.

Your DD may not be at the moving in together stage but after a year together it's probably safe to say he's not just her current fling!

London50

Hi

I do not think you or your husband are being unreasonable at all, it is your home and your rules. The fact that your dd lives under your roo she should respect your feelings towards what is rght and what is not.
As I read your post I do not see a person that is trying to stop anything happening between your dd and her bf it is just that you do not want "your nose rubbed in it". The only suggestion I have is to say that if it carries on happening you will have to think if his visits can carry on when you are athome, ok there will be sulks ect but rules are made for a reason and our children need to learn that basic fact
Good liuck :0)

barbarawright

Why do you not want them to sleep together? Do you have a moral objection to sex before marriage that you've discussed with them (and stuck to yourself)? If so, then I think you are being reasonable by your standards and they should respect your beliefs. But if it's just squeamishness about your little girl growing up, then I think you need to accept she's now an adult.

nearlyrich

At 20 with a year long relationship it seems a bit petty to insist on seperate rooms when you know they share other times however your house your rules but don't let it drive a wedge between you and DD.

Mojisola

I'm curious why you think it's disrespectful?

Does your daughter think she's being forced to be hypocritical by not sleeping with her BF when you are in the house even though you know they are intimate?

Person_one

She's 20 not 15! She's an adult for crying out loud.

What are your real reasons? Is it squeamishness at the thought of your little girl having a sexual relationship? Well she is, and you making it harder and more awkward for her won't change that.

I take it she lives with you? If you don't want her to have sex in her own bed in her own home where do you expect her to do it? Its not dirty, its not wrong, just relax a bit.

Sommer43

I have adult children and my eldest lives with his girlfriend. I would not expect them to have separate beds if they came to stay with me.

The British have a strange relationship with sex. I do think it is bizarre that you would impose this on a young couple.

Is it the thought of hearing them together? My kids have told me, that it is a psychological issue for them not to bonk while parents are in the house. Apparently, it has been widely discussed.

kitschkitty

My parents would never let my partner stay over either, we had no spare room (I was 21/22) I hated it, but even adult children have to accept their parents rules when they still live at home, no matter how odd, silly or petty the rules may be.

I don't think it's unreasonable I just think it's a funny judgement that so many parents make about adult children's perfectly normal behaviour.