Whats your opinion?

motherofstudents

I don't really understand your reasoning. They are adults and I don't see any disrespect to you. It is better in my opinion to let her make her own decisions now she is grown up. Really, it's not worth alienating her over this.

GingerBiscuit_3

Hi Mrsma,

I am of a similar age to your daughter- I have just turned 21. I suppose my situation is somewhat different in that my fiance and I own our own home! However, whilst I was still living with my parents at age 18 we did share a bed.

Now, my parents don't have a spare room, but do have a sofa bed in the open plan office. I have no doubt that if my OH had been asked to stay on the sofa bed he wouldn't have had a problem with that, and if you have asked you daughter and her partner to sleep in separate rooms whilst you are in the house, I think that they need to respect that rather than sneaking around behind your back!

My Mum has always been fairly open when talking to me about relationships and I suspect that she likely had a conversation with my stricter Dad to enable me and my OH to stay in the same room. I do understand this from your daughter's perspective- when my OH and I had been together for a year, it would have felt very strange to sleep in separate rooms as we were so use to cuddling up when sleeping in the same house. I wouldn't worry too much about what they are getting up to in the bedroom- my partner and I were much too embarrassed to even think about doing anything more than cuddling in bed when staying in my parent's house!

If you do suspect something more is going on and it makes you uncomfortable, I'd suggest having a frank discussion with your daughter to let her know this. Something along the lines of you knowing that she's an adult now, but to you and her Dad she will always be your little girl and this makes you uncomfortable in your house. Be sure to encourage her to come to you if she's worried about anything though! Walking into her bedroom with morning cups of tea for them both is a surefire way to discourage any naughtiness as well!

Please talk to your daughter about this. It might get to the stage where you begin to resent her partner if this goes on for too long- and he could be your future son-in-law!!

Alikay

Well, it's your house, so your rules. Personally I don't have a problem with my adult children sharing a bed with a long-term partner (casual liaisons would be another matter!), and if there has been any bedroom activity whilst we're in the house, they've had the good manners to be discreet!

meritaten

she is 20 and you think if her BF stays over they should be in separate beds? naive comes to mind, so does 'victorian' and old fashioned.
but, its your house, your rules. Though I do think you are totally unrealistic.

Mojisola

If parents feel awkward that their adult children might be having sex in the house, their kids probably feel the same when Mum and Dad are at it!

ognum

I like others who have written here would have no objection to my 20 year old daughter sleeping with her partner in my home.

You are of course entitled to you rules in your house, it is your house and your daughter should be respectful, how would you feel if she moved out and got a rented flat with her partner because that iIs the other option.

It may be worth reflecting on what you were doing when you were 20, I was not living at home but was sleeping with my partner.

Gillyx

It seems strange to me that they are probably indulging in sexual activities under your roof, but come bedtime they have to "separate" so to speak.

That being said, it's your roof, your rules, and if that's what you want to happen, then that's the way it should be. I'm fairly young too, but I too knew the rules when I lived with my parents. It's only since moving in with my partner and having a baby that my Dad hasn't mentioned the spare room

elsien

Kind of reminds me of when my boyfriend and I who were living together at the time were put in separate rooms by my father who was shacked up with his girlfriend at the time.
I abided by his decision at the time as it was his house, his rules, but it didn't do a great deal for our relationship as I found the hypocrisy difficult to deal with.

So to answer the question, it's your house so it's up to you what happens in it. But I'd suggest an adult conversation with your dd about why you don't like the idea to help you to see each other's viewpoints and discuss whether there's any room for manouevre. As it were.

Lilith1980

I guess it is your house and your rules but I don't understand why you aren't allowing your 20 year old daughter to share a bed with her long term partner.

When I was 25 and my mum still insisted that my boyfriend (at the time) and I sleep separately when we stayed over. I personally felt she needed to get a grip and accept that I was sexually active. But I did it to keep the peace.

I think you'll get more respect from your daughter if you trust her and allow them to sleep in the same bed. As others have said, it's not like he is a 'one night stand'.

busiscoming2

I can't see what your problem is or why it is disrespectful. She is 20 and it is a long term relationship.

I could understand your position if she bought one night stands home!