My Tattoo will say mug !

sadandbetrayed

It appears that 2013 will not be a happy new year for many and i am one of them.

to cut a long story short my husband has left me -again-

3 and a half years ago i discovered he was having an affair, he left for 3 months then came back, yes i took him back !
he then proceeded to sleep with someone else ! i ignored it !!
9 months ish ago i discovered there were several numbers he had been texting alot so looked at his phone, they were women obviously, i then saw some texts saying that she missed him, was always thinking about him and loved him lots xxxx.

so i asked him about it and got the standard she is just a friend (one that i knew nothing about)
so I told him i was going away for a couple of days to get my head together, i then came back willing to try again ! but he threw me out
so i have been staying with my dad for about 2 months now but i went back home over christmas to try and see if we could repair the damage. On new years eve he left me and i havent seen him since, he wont tell me where he is but i know he is with this woman as a friend saw his car parked outside her flat.

I dont really know if i have any questions, this is probably more of a vent but how can he do this to me, we have been together for 15 years and married for nearly 7, we were supposed to be trying for a baby when all along he has been screwing me over -again-

why am i so stupid ?

tea_lover

Big hugs, what a horrible start to the year.

I know it's easier said than done (much easier!) but try to see the positives here.... you now really do know what he's like. It's perfectly reasonable to give your husband another chance, it's not reaonable for him to behave like such a d**k.

All you've done is try to save your marriage, don't beat yourself up about that. No one can tell you what to do next, but read what you've written again as if someone else had written it... what would you tell them?

This is the year you get your life back. New year, new start... without some loser holding you back.

Best of luck xx.

sadandbetrayed

I just feel so lost at the moment though, it feels like something is missing and the thought of being "alone" fills me with dread

marmitepotato

You tried, he didn't. Best you know that he is a waste of space now than find out when you have children. You have your dad for support and this is a blessing. If you had a friend in this position what would you say to her?

Big big hugs OP, but I think you have had a very very, lucky escape. It's just going to take time for you to realise this.

ostrichnomore_2

oh sweetheart, that was me a few months ago. Read my threads if you want to hear another story - and also read all of the fab advice and support I got here.

You are saying exactly what I was saying and was tormented by. Still am, sometimes. Why? Why? why? How could he!?

Because he is a nob, that's why. It's not you. How did we not realise our OHs were nobs? Because when you love someone you want to see the best in them despite all the evidence to the contrary, and that's a nice, kind positive trait to have. It doesn't make you stupid (I said the same thing at the time). Someone replied to me when I asked that and said it was because I am not a devious sort of person, so I simply couldn't imagine someone close to me being devious against me. Treasure not being like him, which is why he was able to manipulate you for a while. Be proud of yourself for being loving and faithful. Believe me, you are NOT stupid, you were just a proper partner to your OH. And he didn't return this for whatever reason.

A little bit of time and perspective helps you see things more clearly and start to move on. It takes a while after such a long relationship, I'm still not there, but the initial panic and 'lost' feeling you are going through now has finished.
It's a natural reaction to what has happened. Look after yourself, think it all through, cry, rage, mope, but also get out of the house, see friends and family and start finding your way out of the blackest time by looking to your future. It is scary to have to reinvent everything, but once you start making your own plans, or even just thinking about ambitions and maybes and what you want in the smallest way, you'll rediscover your feeling of control over your own life. That helps a LOT.
I'm pleased to see the back of 2012 but don't go writing off the whole of 2013. In the 6 months since it all happened I have come so far. My life is not a misery (it was, for a while). I feel still hurt and angry about what happened, but I've come to an acceptance of what has happened, and I'm feeling good about my future. Honestly. You will feel so different in a few months time. Not saying totally recovered, no of course not, but much more positive and will know you will be ok. for all you know, 2013 might be your best year yet? You never know what will happen in life - and that goes for good things as well as bad.

I've done a lot of thinking, about me, about him, about us. I've learned some lessons about what I will and won't accept, and that I shouldn't just stick my head in the sand over problems (my user name is just right for me in the past). I know what I will expect in any future relationships. And I won't be afraid to pull the plug if it seriously isn't right. I stay too long in bad relationships flogging that dead horse. Those are my lessons. You have your own to find in all this. And they will make you a happier and stronger person.

NAR

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

I just feel so lost at the moment though, it feels like something is missing and the thought of being "alone" fills me with dread

Yes an adulterer, a liar, a cheater . . . . . . .
Feel free to add and complete the above. Why do you women think that guys like this will ever change? (I'm male btw)
Be grateful that you have had a lucky escape. Rats like that don't deserve decent women. Now catch yourself on, you deserve far better and hopefully (after a bit of space) you will find a decent bloke who will treat you properly.

Errata

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

I just feel so lost at the moment though, it feels like something is missing and the thought of being "alone" fills me with dread

Isn't it better to be alone than hitched up to someone who deliberately and continuously trashes your life?

sadandbetrayed

thank you for all the kind words.
i know all of this but feel like i am looking in on it from a distance rather than living it.
i am not a stupid woman i just fell in love with an !!!! and let him treat me like a doormat
15 years is a lot to suddenly let go, he has been everything to me for that space of time but i now realise that i was nothing to him.
he tells me that he is not treating me badly ? and that he just needs a breather ?

sassyblue

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

thank you for all the kind words.
i know all of this but feel like i am looking in on it from a distance rather than living it.
i am not a stupid woman i just fell in love with an !!!! and let him treat me like a doormat
15 years is a lot to suddenly let go, he has been everything to me for that space of time but i now realise that i was nothing to him.
he tells me that he is not treating me badly ? and that he just needs a breather ?

Honey he can say anything he likes, you don't have to believe him.

He's an ar5e and he's trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

You've been far too kind to him, now's the time to shape up and ship out. I've no doubt it will be hard, l've been following ostrichnomores thread but you have to get out for your own respect. You deserve better.

May you look back Christmas 2013 and know your life is better, l hope you have a drop dead gorgeous, kind and considerate man on your arm too xxx

Ihatethemoneypit

Big hugs. He sounds like a complete beeping beep!!

15 years is a long time and it is going to hurt like hell for a while but time is a great healer and things will get better even if it doesn't feel like at the moment.

Surround yourself with people you love and people who make you happy. be kind to yourself. It doesn't have to cost a lot but give yourself face masks, bubble baths, watch funny movies, go out and dance all night with friends, eat foods you love, discover what you enjoy, take a free classes. There is a whole world out their that is waiting for you

If you need to chat drop me a line

take care x

Lilith1980

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

so I told him i was going away for a couple of days to get my head together, i then came back willing to try again ! but he threw me out

Words fail me that you went away to get some space because of HIS behaviour and HE threw YOU out. What an idiot he is.

I'm not saying it's easy to let go as you've been with him a long time and feel a lot for him, but you will have a much better, more contented, life once you are rid of him.

He has not treated you with any respect, so why give him the chance to do further damage.

So he needs a breather? Aww poor little man, just needs some space so he can go off and be with other women more like. Some people love to turn it round onto themselves. While he has a breather, you get yourself another life and be happy!

xx