My Tattoo will say mug !

Lilith1980

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

i just spoke to him, i phoned him at work, i know i probably shouldn't have but i needed to know why ?

he says hes been staying with a bloke, his old boss, but i don't believe him.
he says he has missed me, but i don't believe him
why does he need space, he wont tell me

Did you really expect an explanation.....from HIM? You don't believe anything he says, the trust is gone, so the relationship can never work. You know he is lying so why keep torturing yourself? You may never know the answers to the questions you have, but the best you can do at the moment is break away from this lowlife, get yourself into another house/flat/wherever, and then give yourself time to grieve.

He is playing you for a fool

If you really want to make a clean break I really feel you have to cut contact. It's almost like you are begging him to come back - why would you want HIM? If one of your friends was going through something similar, what would you say to them?

So you are renting, this is easier I guess. Is it both your names on the tenancy? I'd get it changed to just his name, get yourself out, if you have somewhere else to stay or can find somewhere else to rent, and then send him a message saying the house is his and he needs to sort it all out if he no longer wants to live there.

marmitepotato

Stop ringing him! Stop texting him! Stop giving him the power he needs. Stop being a mug! This bloke is a !!!! without a brain!

OP, time to man up, and get this twit out of your life!

londonsurrey

You need to talk. Tell a friend. It doesn't matter if they know - why would you help him keep his behaviour a secret?

Just tell the friend that you need a friend, and someone to talk to, and someone to believe you, because the !!!!!! is happily playing head games with you even now.

Welshwoofs

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

oh i am so angry, just had a text from him, he is still denying that he is with another woman, he was the one who let it slip where she lived, his is the car parked outside that place, he doesn't know i know where he is but even so, how long can he just blatantly lie.i haven't text him back because if i do and he is now going to her then he wont text back and i will be waiting all night for a reply i wont get which will stress me out even more.


why is he doing this to me ?

Sweetheart - do yourself a favour. Pack his clothes into a suitcase, go round to her flat, ring on the doorbell and hand over the case with a sweet smile and "You won't be needing clothes at my house anymore." Then go home and get the locks changed.

The guy is a complete and utter a-hole and he's doing this to you because you've let him do it several times before. He has no respect for you so it befalls you to have respect for yourself and put him in his place.

trevor_john

Oh dear!

I can tell you now that this man will never change, if you get back with him, you and he will drive you/yourself mad, there will be no trust.

He knows that you panic about being alone, I bet he knows that you will take him back if he comes running and hey-ho, you will and it will just happen again and again.

He is using you as a plan B, a back up plan if things don't work out with the new woman. He doesn't give a stuff about the children they've got, it just so happens that the latest bit of stuff happens to have children so don't think that's got anything to do with you not having children.

He'll most likely get fed up with his " breathing space" if it doesn't meet his expectations and the grass isn't greener on the other side, he'll possibly try to come grovelling back to you, give you some !!!! and bull sob story, settle himself back with you and do the bloody same all over again.

If you value yourself and your sanity, DO NOT ever think about trying to make it work. It never will. He is a serial liar and cheat, a nasty insecure child who needs to grow up and take some responsibility for life and how it should work.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh but I'm really trying to save you from him.

Unfortunately ( and I'm not proud of this ) I have been the other woman in the past ( this is my hubbys user name I'm using in case you think I'm a man!!! ) and I had 2 relationships with married men. I've tried to analyse why I did this and I was basically very insecure about myself, I didn't want a normal relationship with a normal man because I was scared he would get to know me warts "n " all and I thought I wasn't any good for anybody and they would leave me anyway so the way around this was married men who I wouldn't ever have to live with as such. I did not go out of my way to go with married men, I had contact with them through my job and boy did they just love the opportunity to go with me!! I knew deep down I did want a normal boyfriend but I was just too scared. I was very young then and reasonably attractive and I guess those married ones took full advantage of this.

To be honest, I didn't even think about the wives, they didn't seem real to me it was like they never existed and I feel thoroughly ashamed of myself now.

I've been in the position of having men leave me and yes I have panicked and grieved, when you've been in a long relationship it's like losing a part of you but when that part is so destructive like your partner, it can only be a good thing that you've now got the opportunity to get on without him constantly dragging you down and undermining you. He's a drain on your energy. You will never feel good about yourself if you keep constantly trying to keep this hold on him by phoning/texting him etc.

You do not need him, please don't keep punishing yourself. You will get over this if you allow yourself to. Get yourself all the help you need financially. Even talk to the Samaritans, they're not just there for people who feel suicidal, they will listen to anyone who is feeling desperate and don't know which way to turn.

We can give you all the advice under the sun but you have to be the one in control.

I do hope that you come out of this a much happier person.

Take care xx

ktb

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

...... but i cant get out of it

100% incorrect!! You WON'T get out of it. Whether you like it or not you are making a choice to act the way are.

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

all the advice you guys have given has been brilliant and i know you are right that i have to stop being a victim but HOW?

... therefore the 'HOW' is easy... just decide to STOP! Take real responsibility for your actions and choose not to be driven by pain, anger, resentment etc & choose a different path. The sooner you start the sooner you will feel better.

When my ex broke my heart I felt every bit as devastated & grief stricken as you describe & certainly had my share of pained emails/calls before realising that the only way to get beyond it all was to TOTALLY cut off all contact. Tricky at first of course, but I honestly think my recovery was so much easier without him in my life at all. That was 3.5years ago and I am now ridiculously happy with a new fiance & a baby on the way. Do yourself the same favour.... You deserve more.

sassyblue

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

they have all known he is married ! i do not understand women who think this is acceptable just because he probably spins them a line about the "wife" not understanding him probably

i am 40, 41 in a few months

That's not too old! You've got a good few years yet, don't stress yourself worrying about it.

Now, give yourself 5 minutes without thinking about him and think only positive thoughts,. Do some sorting or packing. After the 5 mins is up you can go back to being miserable if you want, but you might decide that's the way to go.

You will be hurt and upset but dont wallow in it, make yourself laugh everyday and work towards staying positive. If you don't this will be your life from now on, is that what you want?

zzzLazyDaisy

Lilith1980 wrote: »

So you are renting, this is easier I guess. Is it both your names on the tenancy? I'd get it changed to just his name, get yourself out, if you have somewhere else to stay or can find somewhere else to rent, and then send him a message saying the house is his and he needs to sort it all out if he no longer wants to live there.

OP you can't do this. It is not possible for one joint tenant to remove themselves (or the other) from a joint tenancy, without the other's written consent and that of the LL.

BUT - provided you are no longer in a fixed term rental agreement, one joiny=t tenant can END the tenancy without the other's permission (and even without their consent!). This means that he could end the tenancy while you are still living there.

So you really need to give notice, move out, and find somewhere to live where he is unlikely to follow you. Even couch surfing with a friend pf family member will give you some support and time to get yourself back on your feet.

As for the debts - if any are in his name, don't pay another penny, they are not your concern. Debts in your name are your responsibility, and unfortunately debts in joint names means both of you are jointly and severally liable - so if he is !!!!less and doesn't mind his credit record being trashed, that could put you in line for paying those off too.

I suggest you head on over to the DFW Board, they will help you with the debt issue.

And yes - save the numbers on your sim (except his!) then take it out and cut it up, and put a new sim in. If you are on a contract, ask your provider for a change of number - O2 will do this for free if it is only the once - I dont know about other providers.

Dx

will.i.amnt

Don't get a tattoo. Horrible things. You'll regret it!

ness_w

It's tough but you are in a good place because you are not tied to him through property or children. You can be strong, sort this out and move on. Trust me, there are people out there who are trapped on loveless relationships, who find out their lives are not what they thought and who have no way out. Please, please don't waste yourself on this man, be glad that you can be free and make a new life.