My Tattoo will say mug !

balletshoes

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

maybe i should feel sorry for them, they obviously don't feel good enough about themselves to get a bloke who is available so fall for the c*** that mine tells them.

this is all still to "new" to think about the future, at the moment i don't even feel i want a future

I've seen other friends go through similar things and then bounce from one bloke to another, i don't want that, i don't think i can do that

you don't have to do that - you're you, you're not your friends.

NAR

Sounds like the penny has finally dropped. :idea: He preys on vulnerable women who feel "worthless."

Let this be your "lightbulb moment" so you now need to sit and think what YOU want for YOUR future.

You don't have to bounce from one bloke to the next, just try and find your Mr Right.

londonsurrey

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

I've seen other friends go through similar things and then bounce from one bloke to another, i don't want that, i don't think i can do that

Then don't. It shows that you have standards and self respect.

Use their behaviour in a positive way. Rather than using them as an example of how to behave, use them as an example of how not to behave.

sulkisu

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

this morning i feel so close to the edge that i have no clue what to do, i wonder what will push me over.

i just want to crawl under the duvet and hide for the next 3 or 4 months and hope that this will all resolve itself without the need for any input from me


i also need to face the fact that i will probably never have children now which is so painful but my own fault, i have left it too late.

Possibly, but not necessarily. I had my first child aged 44 and twins 10 weeks ago (I was 46 last week) - all conceived naturally, years after being told I was infertile after suffering cervical then ovarian cancer. However if you spend more years waiting around while he treats you like crap, it will be too late.

Come out from under the duvet, drop your phone in the bin and go out and get a new one. He can text away to the old one until he's blue in the face.

I feel sad reading this thread because despite everything that he has done and everything that you are saying, he still has you exactly where he wants. As long as you are prepared to dance to his tune, no advice from anyone will make a blind bit of difference. I hope that you get strong enough to kick his sorry backside to the kerb, but sadly I don't think that you will. I hope you prove me wrong. There has been some good advice on here so far, please take it.

valk_scot

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

this morning i feel so close to the edge that i have no clue what to do, i wonder what will push me over.

i just want to crawl under the duvet and hide for the next 3 or 4 months and hope that this will all resolve itself without the need for any input from me


i also need to face the fact that i will probably never have children now which is so painful but my own fault, i have left it too late.

You need to stop wallowing around being the victim here. Yes, you're not the person that's making all this happen but you don't have to be the victim, you don't need to let him ruin the rest of your life to add to the last 15 years. There's a huge plus to not having a child with this !!!!!!, it means you can walk away and (once you've got the finances sorted) you never have to speak to him ever again.

So stop wallowing, take some action. Start getting the paperwork sorted out re tenancy agreements, debts, assets, bank accounts. Make sure he can't strip out any money or assets that you own jointly and make sure you've got duplicate copies of every single last bit of relevant paperwork in a safe place at your dad's. Can you move in with your dad for a bit while you get yourself together? If so start thinking about getting your name taken off the tenancy agreement. Open a seperate bank account. Pack. See a solicitor if you think you need to re seperation of assets, debts etc. Tell your ex to F-off out your life. See if you can get some extra hours at work to cover any extra expenses or towards the debts, get a new haircut, see some of your own friends, start thinking about what you're going to do with your new, free, single life.

And as to babies 41 isn't too late, I'm living proof of that (Had a child at 43.) If you do want a child then make it happen but get your life sorted out first so you can support one. Give yourself a time frame of six months or a year to do this and you'll see you can't afford to be hiding under a duvet for four months while your biological clock ticks away. Don't wallow, take the anger and use it. You can't stop him being an !!!! but you can take control of what you're going to do with your own life from now on.

jemb

You're greiving for the relationship, but it will get better I PROMISE! You're at the hurt and crying stage, next you'll get angry and/ or get drunk. THEN you'll dust yourself down, see what a see you next tuesday he is and then start to piece things back together. It takes time. X

LannieDuck

First of all you need to work out what you want, and then you need to work out how to get there.

1. To be in a loving relationship
2. To have a baby

To get there...

1. Get finances organised and form a plan of where you're going to live. Give appropriate notice on flat. Dump loser boyfriend. Start to socialise more with friends. Take up some new hobbies. Become generally happier within yourself and meet new friends. Hopefully find someone new

2. Forties isn't too old, although I can appreciate your concern. Would it be worth looking at alternatives in case you don't find 'Mr Right' rather than just assuming you can't have children? Would you be willing to try being a single Mum? (I don't know anything about spermbanks other than that they exist!). Would your age disqualify you from adopting/fostering?

*Louise*

sadandbetrayed wrote: »

maybe i should feel sorry for them, they obviously don't feel good enough about themselves to get a bloke who is available so fall for the c*** that mine tells them.

I'm sorry...but isn't that what you have been doing? Falling for his rubbish and forgiving him?

Like someone said, hopefully this is a lightbulb moment and you can stop wasting any more of your precious time on this idiot

Let him go. He doesn't appreciate you anyway.

xx

sadandbetrayed

i just spoke to him, i phoned him at work, i know i probably shouldn't have but i needed to know why ?

he says hes been staying with a bloke, his old boss, but i don't believe him.
he says he has missed me, but i don't believe him
why does he need space, he wont tell me


i know i'm grieving but i hate this , all i can see is the bad points about being alone, i never ever considered myself a person who needed to be around people but now i wonder, i hate the silence, the not knowing, most of my friends are joint friends and they know nothing at the moment


i have one friend who has been great but i am even !!!!ing him off at the moment by my being how i am but i cant get out of it


all the advice you guys have given has been brilliant and i know you are right that i have to stop being a victim but HOW?


when i'm angry or have had a drink i get brave but i cant be like that all the time and i am so angry at myself for that


i feel so pathetic and i hate it that i do

Errata

It seems you are being a masochist to his game of sadism. That doesn't make you a victim, it makes you a collaborator.