Facing Other Halfs

I_was_a_fool

I hid it from my hubby too, he always let me handle the finances completely, so it wasnt difficult.

When I told him he was great, and pointed out since he had left it all to me, it was his fault too. I didnt spend the money on myself, mostly on him & the kids and living above our means for too long.

We have never had separate finances, all money (and now all debt!) was in a single pot.

He still doesnt really get it though, I tell him there is £20 left to last the week, he spends it on petrol, then asks for more for cigs or whatever, then I have to say, no, really there was only £20 left, now there is nowt!

hannahsmummy1

Its my husbands name on everything in our house- all the bills and the mortage- that was my decision- i wanted everything to be in his name- because i knew even before i got in debt this much that my credit record was shot to bits! I will probably be telling him soon, but like someone else said i wanted to show him that i can do this & am doing something about my problems before i face him, then he can see that i am doing something and hopefully (although wont hold my breath) he wont go mental.

Janusian

danielleindebt wrote: »

i here this all the time from older people (im 24)

Thanks for that (feels old at 34 )

In my case, my wife and I got together at 24, and we didn't have two cents to rub together, and I had a chunk of debt, but earned more. We had no choice but to pool resources, we would have been in real trouble otherwise, but in 11 years of having shared finances, we have no debt and very few arguments (well about money anyway). We undoubtedly have been more frugal because of this approach as well. I think we all need to let of steam occasionally so when I get my bonus we spend a chunk on the things we need to, and then get a few hundred quid each to go mad with. (Gadgets!)

As I said it is not for everyone, but I think if you can work together on your money you are less likely to get into Debt.

danielleindebt

im sorry if i made you feel old.

i agree it makes sense but oh see's it as me spending his money.

im the one who sorts all the d.d's out make sure we have enough in each in the joint account etc. i hate this and wish he would take controll but ..... i dont think he is like that. iykwim

ZTD

Janusian wrote: »

I know this isn't strictly relevant, but I am surprised by the number of people who maintain separate financial identities to their partner. Not that I am criticising people as it is up to them, but what I would say is that I have found it far easier to stay out of debt by sharing all my finances with my wife.

It is horses for courses. Sharing financial affairs is only possible if the both of you have reasonably similar ideas about the value of money. If one of you spends drastically more than the other, then it is (eventually) a recipe for disaster.

Of course in such a situation, it is easier for the one who is over spending to stay out of debt - they have 2 wages to go at.

The situation I was in was that we had our seperate accounts, and a joint account for mortgage/joint bills and food shopping. £1700 went in, £900 went out for the mortgage, so "we" would spend £800 pcm on food shopping and utilities - because it did not rise over the months.

Now that we have parted, she's in over £6000 of debt in 6 months.

clovis_2

We've had a joint account for years, but I think the best way forward willl be seperate accounts, mine for all the fixed bills, mortgage etc and the rest pushed over to my wifes.

That way she can see what she has got for the month for spending on the food etc. At the moment she just spends spends spends, we are in debt over our eyeballs but she still won't accept it, all the debts are in my name at present.

I've just been paid today and there is nothing left for the rest of the month (being May not April) that's how bad it's got. I'm in contact with payplan and we are trying to sort something (it's in another thread) but it's still why can't I get more money i.e. get a better paid job. She has money in savings accounts and is now working part time, but of course that money goes into her seperate account, it's for extras NOT the food bill.

sorry , been ranting a bit, just can't talk to each other about it, she just always gets in a huff and storms off.

Skint_Catt

My OH runs his account in overdraft (at least £3k) - a habit he picked up from his Dad - no idea why! However, now we're making plans for different things he wants to pay it off to be in credit every month.

Therefore he doesn't understand how my 0% credit card debt stresses me out and how much I struggle to pay it off (he earns twice what I do).

He knows but doesn't feel.

Catt xx

southwester_2

Well my wife is still distant with me although we have sat down and sorted out a plan. I sometimes wonder if we can get through this but just have t keep plugging away i guess. I suppose it is only natural to act liek this as it has only been a month

ilovegreatdanes

trust me, however long you try to keep the secret, it will come out.believe me, i know.i tried to hide all my debt from oh but the stress was unbelieveable.it got so bad at one time i seriously considered ending it all.i redirected my mail to mums for 3 months and hoped for no bad fone calls,even felt guilty everytime a loan ad came on tv incase he asked how much i was in debt.
anyway a week after the redirection,our friendly postie(who had been off sick for yonks)came back on our round and told oh.i had, like other posters, intended to tell him when i had a plan,which luckily i had made a dmp with cccs.oh thought i had done it cos i was leaving him so, inbetween sobs i told him everything and showed him the cccs statement which had all the itemised debts on(£21000 in total)and i explained all about the dmp, which will take 26 years to pay,but he was ok, which really surprised me.
i cant tell you how much of a weight had been lifted from me.
actually, life doesnt seem much different to before.i know theres no credit and we watch what we spend but i have learnt so much through this exprience.
i know its hard but it will come out in the end, so my advice is -
have a plan and have faith.
i have always found the unknown is far worse than the reality.
regards.xx

southwester_2

I agree ilovegreatdanes