Facing Other Halfs

southwester_2

I tried to get my OH to increase our mortgage and put the debts onto it, our house is worth £200000 and are mortgage is £70000 so loads of equity but she wants me to pay these off myself and teach me a kind of lesson I suppose, which I can understand.

She wont put gambling debts onto a mortgage, understandable

Melissa177

danielleindebt wrote: »

i here this all the time from older people (im 24)

it has always been my money his money and 50/50 on the house. we set up a joint account for all the house stuff and put the same in each a month and the rest is our own. if it wasnt i can forsee arguments. OH "why did you buy this? i dont use this why should i pay for it etc.

e.g i buy vegetarian foods - oh - why should i pay for that?

although both families shared eveything as you say it hasnt rubbed off.

But if you're a couple, shouldn't you share and share alike?

It depends on the stage of the relationship, I guess. Is he really that miserly that he complains about you buying veggie food, versus his meat?

What an odd attitude from your OH.

shamu95

southwester, maybe in time she will change mind as she can see how hard your trying and that your gambling days are behind you?
My oh has said for certain that he will consider it in 4yrs when mort fixed rate is up. condition is my savings which will be £10k in 9 years time must be paid off the mortgage.
why oh way does my oh stick conditions to everything?!

Hope your off to the meet?

Melissa177

southwester wrote: »

I tried to get my OH to increase our mortgage and put the debts onto it, our house is worth £200000 and are mortgage is £70000 so loads of equity but she wants me to pay these off myself and teach me a kind of lesson I suppose, which I can understand.

She wont put gambling debts onto a mortgage, understandable

Well, if it goes onto the mortgage, won't your OH end up paying it as well?


I very much feel for Shamu on this thread. I think your OH should be more supportive. Perhaps you could sit and down talk through it together. say something like:

"I recognise that I need to deal with my debts myself, but it is your emotional support I need at the moment to help me get through this. Two heads are better than one - will you help me?"

If he says "no", I would be looking another OH!

danielleindebt

melissa177 - yes he is that much of a git lol. he is extremley tight. we went bed shopiing and OUR daughter needed a bed not a cot bed he said i dont think she needs it so im not paying it.

this coming from a bloke who spend £700 a year on a season ticket

shamu95

Hi melissa,
My oh isnt any good at emotional support. full stop. we did spilt up but still lived together for 18mths as he wasnt emotionally there for me while i was seriously ill in hospital. infact he even left my dd with me and went home while iwas stuck in the hospital and he wasnt there when our ds had an operation so ive grown somewhat accustomed to dealing with things on my own.
luckily i am quite a strong person and i dont get down too often and when i read what some of you have gone through i feel lucky.
i do like to have a whinge at times and the support im getting through here is helping me no end.
thank you

shamu95

men- who needs em. perhaps we should do a poll to find out if its the male or female partner that it most supportive/

Shineyhappy

I think some of the OHs on this thread are most unfair!

I really feel for you guys as although I am not in as much unsecured debt as a lot of people on here, my OH has been incredibly supportive and we have only been together a short time. He even offered to balance transfer a load of money onto a zero card.

The main problem I have with an OH who isnt in debt, well 80k on a mortgage, and who earns a lot more than me is that I feel guilty when he says I want to do this or go out for a meal and then I think, well its my turn to pay and I would rather stick the money towards a debt.

Although I suppose I have helped in to wisen up as far as money is concerned. He opened up an ISA and is getting a cash back credit card instead of a normal one and I made him negotiate the banks fee for renewing his mortgage from 500 to 0. I have also introduced him to hunting for supermarket bargains. Although I worry he thinks I am cheap.

Melissa177

danielleindebt wrote: »

melissa177 - yes he is that much of a git lol. he is extremley tight. we went bed shopiing and OUR daughter needed a bed not a cot bed he said i dont think she needs it so im not paying it.

this coming from a bloke who spend £700 a year on a season ticket

Jeez! You are going to have to buy a bed at some point for your daughter - is he going to keep her in a bed for a long time?

Do you have any other friends who can be there for you? I am blessed with a set of wonderful friends who help me out when I have a problem - maybe you could find someone else out to help and talk things through with when OH is out at the footie?

(When you said a season ticket, I thought you meant rail season ticket at first! :rotfl: )

Melissa177

shamu95 wrote: »

Hi melissa,
My oh isnt any good at emotional support. full stop. we did spilt up but still lived together for 18mths as he wasnt emotionally there for me while i was seriously ill in hospital. infact he even left my dd with me and went home while iwas stuck in the hospital and he wasnt there when our ds had an operation so ive grown somewhat accustomed to dealing with things on my own.
luckily i am quite a strong person and i dont get down too often and when i read what some of you have gone through i feel lucky.
i do like to have a whinge at times and the support im getting through here is helping me no end.
thank you

This is a real shame. Do you have any children? (Also, what do "DD", and "DS" mean? I've seen "DH" as well, which also mystifies me.)

Letting it out on a forum is great, because there are lots of likeminded people on here who will help you. I have a real bugbear about people who won't help themselves, but everyone on this forum is the exact opposite of that.

Good luck - if you can't rely on your OH, maybe you have friends instead you could confide in?