Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

faithbtvs

i learned the hard way when family lend money things can get very messy.A few years ago my mother lent my partner and i some money interest free to pay off a few expensive debts and saved us a fortune in interest. problem was although we repay the money monthly as agreed she always questioned our finances now and now her finances have taken a turn for the worse, we're left feeling guilty as we cant afford to settle the loan faster.
Think very carefully.

crogers

She has every right to know how you are spending her money! I think you have a cheek even asking the question. Your Mother-in-law is concerned that you have made this mess, and how else is she going to know that you won't squander her offering to you.
She is giving you a get out card-use it wisely and don't throw it back in her face by saying she has no business to know your incomings and outgoings. You are oh so lucky!

thehappybutterfly

To echo others, it depends on how she asked. If it's the case that she sees you're struggling and she's really good with money, she may just want to help you out in more practical ways. For example, things like insurances, mortgage deals etc.

On the other hand, if she believes that you're just squandering money, it may be the best thing you can do to prove that you're spending as wisely as possible but there's just not enough income to make ends meet.

Ohit basically says what I'm struggling to say!

SplanK

Why is this in the mums section MSE?!?! Surley this is a question suited for all, not just mums!?!?!

caydee

You should consider how likely it is that you can realistically get a loan from a bank as an alternative. Banks are far less keen to lend money than they were a few years ago. If the bank has any inkling that you may have trouble repaying (and perhaps even if they don't) they may ask all the same questions that the MIL asks. Then if they decide you are not an acceptable risk, they are likely to turn you down without any explanation or advice.

On the other hand your mother in law may be able to offer some real advice. She obviously does want to help you, and part of that may be to help you work through the reasons why you need the loan in the first place, make sure you can realistically pay the money back, and help you to avoid getting into a similar situation in the future. And if you do take the loan from her and get into trouble repaying she may be able to give ongoing support and help to make further changes if necessary. That's much more than you would get from a bank.

Even if she didn't have the money, or was unwilling to give you a loan once she finds out all the detail, she might still be a good person to talk things through with. After all, she wants you to be successful. You'll probably never find out whether she can offer some good advice until you start opening up to her. If it turns out that she is really just being nosey, doesn't have any useful advice to offer, or puts unrealistic conditions on the loan, you can still choose to ignore her and go to the bank.

Viking_Man

I presume all she wants to know is what is the risk of lending you money and will you be able to repay it? So you need to show that you can repay it. When my relative lent me money, they set up a special account for me to repay the loan into. I set up a standing order monthly to make repayments into that account. So that gave them confidence that I had planned the repayments.

The loan was for a house purchase, so I showed my relative that the repayments I would make would be about the same as the rent we were paying already. Because I could already manage to pay the rent, I would also be able to repay the loan at a similar amount per month.

cheerful

I must admit that I haven't read all of the eighty-seven preceding replies so this may have been said before:

COMMUNICATE!

Ask your mother-in-law rather than a bunch of strangers on a web forum.

Ask her why she wants this information. As she has lent you money in the past she may be worrying about your repeated financial difficulties - after each loan you have ended up needing another one.

Other people have pointed out that she may simply want to make sure you do not get into a situation in which you are struggling with repayments.

The general financial situation is changing all the time (and for a while it has been generally for the worse) This too may have led to her wanting more information.

Speak to her about it.

grahamb_2

I have lent money to my children but only after they showed me details of their debts, income and future plans to `balance` their money situation.

Any bank manager will ask to see these details, ask your MIL exactly what she would like to see. She may want to give some opinion but you don't have to follow any advice she may give - but it may be good advice. Certainly, if you can live with giving her information, you should end up with a cheaper, more flexible loan....

System

She wants to help you out. You want to borrow her money.

As i see it, she holds all the cards. Either accept her terms or say no!

Judi_L

People shouldn't lend money to friends or family unless they can afford and would be prepared to write it off - it's the only way to maintain those relationships.