Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

MeanJean

A lot of us have struggled in the past and there is nothing more comforting than having a parent who cares and who wants to help.I have made loans to those of my children who have been open and honest and have not kept their income and lifestyle secret from me. I therefore trust them and know they would return the favour if ever I was in need.Incidentally I haven't kept my financial details secret from them either. Openness is called for in your present dilemma as she may be able to offer useful advice.People from older generations knew how to live on nothing and have bucketfuls of costcutting tips you would never have dreamed of. I suspect you may have no choice but to trust your mother in law. She is on your side but banks are not. Banks see you as profit. However, banks no longer seem to be lending to anyone who really needs help.They only lend to gold and platinum grade customers these days.I hope things get better soon for you .

Torry_Quine

I think that this is a very difficult area and a lot depends on the family dynamics in place. I can see that having leant money before she feels it necessary to know your financial information but also that this is something hard for you to do.

I can't imagine being in your position but on balance if you want the money she has the right to have conditions applied to it.

CCFC1987_2

Surely most lenders would want to know what you outcome is, why should your MIL be any different. I say swallow your pride give her the details, accept the interest free loan and thank her for helping you out!

lisawaters

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think that this is a very difficult area and a lot depends on the family dynamics in place. I can see that having leant money before she feels it necessary to know your financial information but also that this is something hard for you to do.

I can't imagine being in your position but on balance if you want the money she has the right to have conditions applied to it.

Sorry, but I keep reading your sig as ""When the day shall come, that we do part," he said softly, and turned to look at me, "if my last words are not 'I love you'--- ye'll ken it was because I didna have a good time." (Diana Gabaldon- Fiery Cross)

Torry_Quine

lisawaters wrote: »

Sorry, but I keep reading your sig as ""When the day shall come, that we do part," he said softly, and turned to look at me, "if my last words are not 'I love you'--- ye'll ken it was because I didna have a good time." (Diana Gabaldon- Fiery Cross)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

KerryMR

I think you're being a bit ungrateful to be honest... You say she has lent you money before and I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to want a bit more information from you, especially if a large sum is involved.

Puddytat

MIL has known her son for all his life so may have some ideas about his ability to budget! If you want to help to pay bank more money to gamble away, borrow from them.

bylromarha

Imagine the MIL was Martin. Would you be as reluctant then?

ie Does MIL want to know the financial details in order to help long term as well as short term? The fact that a 2nd loan is needed implies a little help is needed in the area of making a budget to stick to. Maybe MIL wants to help make sure this is the last loan she needs to offer - the fact she has savings to loan means she has a better handle on her money.

Flibbertygibbet

If someone is continually making loans for basics surely a worry is building here?
If the boot was on the other foot and you were lending her the money having already made her similar loans without asking for details, might you also be wondering if something was amiss?

Its not swallowing pride to demonstrate you CAN afford it.

A responsible lender with any investment you should keep an eye on it.

julzenthefirst

Saying that it's none of her business is just you not being able to put yourself in her shoes. Imagine if you had a son. You know he's not good with money but you love and want to help him, so you lend him money. You're not rolling in it though, so how do you avoid being put in an awkward situation where you risk not being paid back on time and end up in debt yourself?

I hope you can stretch your mind that little bit further and think about whether you would be as kind yourself in that situation. In her place, I don't think I'd lend the money in the first place. If I were you, I'd rather learn the hard way than take hand-outs from my relatives. If you're really in dire straights, you'll take the money, interest free, be grateful and love your mother-in-law as much as she loves you.