Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

Mark_Beech

No! Politely tell her that your private financial affairs are just that ..... private.
Then say that you would welcome a loan ... but without the strings.

alggomas

You should give her the information.
The bank would want it. You may lead an extfavegant life style and subscribe to SKY ! If you are struggling then tell her as much honestly the information she needs.

rojanich

purpleweasel wrote: »

There are two aspects to this dilemma as i see it, and either way the first thing to do is to sit down and go through your finances.

Firstly, why you need it. If you are having trouble getting by day-to-day a loan surely isn't the way out. You will have the repayments to find on top of all your everyday outgoings (even if it is interest-free!). Cutting back can be unpleasant but it is the long-term way to win, and can even lead to a feeling of pride and satisfaction when you find you can manage on less, as many of the people in this forum will testify!

If it's for a one-off, is there no way you could wait and save for it instead? Either way, if you do decide to go for the loan you will be able to demonstrate how & when you will be able to repay.

The second part is the relationship. If you do decide to borrow from a friend or relative please please make sure you stick to your agreement and repay faithfully (set up a standing order if you can). Think carefully whether you can risk your relationship with your mother-in-law over debt.

Try not to rush into anything, talk it over with your husband, and good luck!

Quite right. If you are struggling at the moment what will happen to change that for the better ? Borrowing will only change things for the worse in the short term as you will have to start repaying unless you 'have expectations' from which you can repay the loan.

Analyse and communicate before making decisions.

Tali_2

This is a choice, not a dilemma. The price of the 0% loan is disclosure of information; the price of a bank loan is an unreasonable interest rate. Which hurts least?

Kaz2904

I think you should tell her. She may well have ideas about how to help you out of a bind.
I spent a day with a friend trying to help her sort some debts recently. I don't know why I wasted my time tbh. I haven't lent her any money but in the space of an hour we had cut her house insurance by £35 per month and her husbands car insurance by £25 per month. I explained the need for using this money to repay other debts and set up a snowball for her. We looked at which debts needed to be cleared first (an Argos card at a scary interest rate).
Since then, she's gone out and bought another dog. Had several nights out and has been out for 3 Christmas meals in 1 week at a cost of £20 per time. She keeps buying her daughter new mobile phones as she breaks her current ones.
She's never going to get out of debt!

stmartinsdiver

It sounds to me as though your MIL knows you have got into financial difficulties and very sensibly wants to understand how big a risk she is taking in lending you money otherwise how can she know she will ever get it back again? She may even be able to provided advice as well as a short term financial support. Why would you want to hide how you spend your money unless you think you've done silly things with it, in which case a bank would probably turn down a loan request as they will ask for all the same details. If you do accept MIL's offer, be sure to agree a regular fixed direct debit repayment plan beforehand that you know you can honour.

Fujiko

purpleweasel wrote: »

There are two aspects to this dilemma as i see it, and either way the first thing to do is to sit down and go through your finances.

Firstly, why you need it. If you are having trouble getting by day-to-day a loan surely isn't the way out. You will have the repayments to find on top of all your everyday outgoings (even if it is interest-free!). Cutting back can be unpleasant but it is the long-term way to win, and can even lead to a feeling of pride and satisfaction when you find you can manage on less, as many of the people in this forum will testify!

If it's for a one-off, is there no way you could wait and save for it instead? Either way, if you do decide to go for the loan you will be able to demonstrate how & when you will be able to repay.

The second part is the relationship. If you do decide to borrow from a friend or relative please please make sure you stick to your agreement and repay faithfully (set up a standing order if you can). Think carefully whether you can risk your relationship with your mother-in-law over debt.

Try not to rush into anything, talk it over with your husband, and good luck!

I feel borrowing money, especially within the family, is always a bad idea. The only money we have ever borrowed was for our mortgage, long since paid off, never for anything else. If we couldn't find the cash for anything we wanted we went without until we had saved enough. You say you are struggling financially by which I guess you mean coping with day to day expenses, in which case a loan of any kind will not help. The two of you should sit down and draw up a strict budget of exactly what you can afford on your income, and stick to it! Not easy, but better than being beholden to anyone. The old adage "cut your coat according to your cloth" comes to mind. Good luck!

JuliusCaesar

Is it swallowing your pride to give the same information to a bank? Your mother-in-law has made a very generous offer. Either give her the information she wants, or if you don't want to, the price you pay is paying interest to a bank. A bank will ask you for the same information, will charge you interest and may refuse your application.

scotsbob

If she wants to lend her son money with conditions and he wants to accept, then that is up to them.

Lucky you if he shares it with you.

lisawaters

The underlying question is... why are you in trouble financially?

Maybe she just wants to know if you or your husband are hopeless with money, or whether this is a one-off to cover a period of illness or redundancy. That in my mind would affect how much I gave you and how strict I would be about the repayment rate, or whether to give you the money as a gift.

Generally it's better not to borrow or lend money to friends or family.

Can you scrape through but let her know you are grateful and may ask her one day again when you are in deep trouble.

All easier said than done. Do let us know what happens!