Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

milvusvestal

So you're perfectly happy to divulge details of your personal finances to complete strangers who intend to charge a commercial rate and maybe put you in a worse position than you were before, rather than give them to a close relative who has only your interests at heart.

Has it not occurred to you that the reason your mother-in-law has money to lend is because she has saved it, rather than spent it, unlike you and your husband, who seem to have no conception of putting money by for a rainy day?

Just think yourself fortunate that you have someone like her whose main concern is that you don't get deeper into debt. Were I in her position, I would most definitely want to see where your money is going each month before I made any commitment.

Talent

You want the money, do as she asks.... simples.

poodledoodle_2

Why not try and swallow your pride and take up her offer of help, my guess is she's offered to help with love in heart for both or you and wants to help you plan for a more secure future. You are more likely to succeed if you have a plan!

She probably wants to know about your financial committments to make sure that any agreements to repay etc that you make between each other are realistic. Think of the money it will save if you don't have all that interest to pay, you can clear your debts so much quicker.

You could try talking to her beforehand to explain how sensitive this all is for you and ask for her understanding and respect (try and be open minded about any 'advice' she may have to offer...) and most importantly both sides should try to keep it all businesslike (as if you had gone to a professional debt councellor - forget she's your MIL!).

I would suggest having a simple agreement about repayment terms etc that is written down with a copy for everyone, the same as you would if you had gone to a bank - ie: borrow £2000 & agree to repay at £100 a month for 20 months, set up a standing order from your bank account and all will be taken care of. Don't forget to talk about what happens if you can't meet your repayments.

The fact that your MIL has offered to help suggests that she has faith in you but maybe she knows you better than you think and her 'wise' insight might just help you avoid needing any extra help again. I am sure nothing would make you and her happier than knowing that you won't need to ask again in the future! Good luck I hope you sort something out soon.

moralnanny

Giving or lending money to those in debt rarely helps longterm unless the root problem is tackled. Keeping track of all outgoings and discussing ways to change is the best type of help and tough love you can possibly give your offspring. Otherwise you are throwing your money away. Honesty is the only way and if this seems nosey so be it.:money:

lisawaters

milvusvestal wrote: »

Has it not occurred to you that the reason your mother-in-law has money to lend is because she has saved it, rather than spent it, unlike you and your husband, who seem to have no conception of putting money by for a rainy day?

Just think yourself fortunate that you have someone like her whose main concern is that you don't get deeper into debt. Were I in her position, I would most definitely want to see where your money is going each month before I made any commitment.

Quite a few assumption here! :eek:

Elsewhere on MSE: "Tesco offers lowest standard loan rate on record". Is the saving over a bank loan THAT much to make all this worthwhile? We don't know how much money you're talking about.

alggomas

I posted earlier but noticed that advice was given to go to CAB. Fine.
However the question is take a loan from mother in law and the ONLY alternative is an expensive loan. This is the information we are given. There are lots of assumptions flying around. We must stick to the information gven.

So I will also digress.
Some people said that the mother in law could be a controller. This is assumed. I would trust they knew the mother in law. My brother came to my father and said he had missed his gas payments and they were short of money. Could he lend £3000? My father said yes. My father was furious when later he found his son had bought a car using the money he had given him for his debts !
You want free money from your relation? Then they should know what you are spending your money on !
My original comments stay.

glad2bmad

you should be grateful that m.i.l. is willing to lend you the money! in these austere times
if you are already struggling with finances now, you naturally assume that "banks" will lend to you, this may not be the case.
swallow your pride, give her the info and repay on time .
the banks make enough money from customers already.

tgroom57

It really does depend on the sort of person your MIL is, and something only you can know.

I will say that I 'compared notes' ie where our household budget went, hers and mine, with my daughter last year, and found they were being overcharged by almost all providers, including banks.

Perhaps you could approach this the same way, asking to compare notes with what they pay for bills, so you can see where the most obvious savings can be made.
Regardless of where you eventually borrow the money.

Poppyland

Well would you loan someone money if you did not know the borrowers circumstances? It doesn't appear to be a case of nosiness more ensuring she'll get her money back.
If you go to the bank or money lender they will want to know this information so why shouldn't your mother in law.
Hopefully she gets Martins money saving tips and she'll withdraw her offer!

silkcutblue

I guess you could refuse it and go to a bank where they will ask you what your incoming and outgoing finances look like.

I can't see what is unreasonable about her request.