Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

rodney

I lend my son and DIL money,they pay back regularly,if I think they are struggling I will stop the payments permanently or for a short time. Could it be perhaps mil is thinking they may not be able to meet the payments (then better over a longer period) or perhaps a gift instead of a loan. The info demanded by mil is no more or less than a bank, loan shark or any other source.

Brownie_Owl_2

My brother and sister-in-law borrowed £10k from my mother-in-law and she now watches over them like a hawk.
My sister-in-law and I (along with other friends) went on a day trip to Paris just before Christmas (£59 return on the Eurostar which was her Bday Present from her hubbie and we gave her 50 Euro spending money which was her bday and xmas pressie) and what did she get from the mother in law? '
'I didn't think you could afford it?'.... 'ohh, I see....nice to see you have some spare cash for luxuries' etc etc etc
Rewind two months and we were all invited to a fashion show for a cancer charity - tickets were £5, all of which went to charity and included nibbles and soft drinks... we felt obliged to buy something, so my sister in law bought a purse for £8 (cheapest thing) - our mother in law put her glasses on as soon as she saw my sister in law pick up the order form to see what she was ordering and then said 'ohhh right.... i didn't think you could afford anything?' and then continued the rest of the evening tutting loudly.
Ohh, then there was the time she told them she would go mad if they bought their children christmas presents because she thought they couldn't aford it...... I could go on for hours!

I don't know what your mother in law is like..... but if she is anything like mine, I wouldn't even think about it.

purple.sarah

It depends on your relationship with her and her previous behaviour. Does she have a history of trying to control you or interfere in your life? How has she handled her previous loans to you?

My mother has loaned us money and I would be happy to show her our finances because I appreciate her advice on budgeting. OTOH my MIL has a history of making interfering comments including criticising me for a rare night out and implying I'm financially irresponsible so we don't give her details of our finances or borrow money from her.

If your MIL has a history of being controlling, you might find that the debt comes with strings that are worse than interest. If not, she might be trying to help.

happyinflorida

You say you've borrowed before so obviously, as you keep having to borrow, something's wrong with your finances.

Maybe she's just interested to know all your financial dealings or she knows enough to be able to help.

If you don't want her knowing your finances, for whatever reason, I suggest you look into your finances yourself as it would appear from what you've said in your post, that something isn't right.

You can download an income and expenditure form and fill that in - this will give you a clear picture of what's going on and seeing it all may help you to realise the highest amounts you're spending on and hopefully cut down on.

You need to do something and make changes as things are not working out on your current income and expenditure.

thorpehesleyptw

If your mother in law has the resources to help you and your husband start to address your financial situation the it would pay you to seriously consider her offer.
If her loan is merely going to allow you to continue as you have been doing then I would say you should not take the money, as this is not the real issue you have.
If on the other hand you use the money to give you a breathing space to address your financial situation and put your budgeting on a proper footing then swallow your pride and let her help you. I would suggest that you then immediately put in place a repayment schedule to gradually repay her.
If I were to offer to lend someone money it would be necessary to know how and why they had got into financial problems so I was not just throwing good money after bad if the recipient was not going to change their circumstances to improve their future finances.
I personally recommend taking a personal budgeting course to look how to take control of your money and budgetary skills, I have found the CAP Money course very helpful [ Christians against Poverty].

Lola242

Ask yourself this question, if someone (family or not) was asking to borrow money from you for the second time, what would you want to know before agreeing to lend them your hard earned cash? I doubt you would hand it over no questions asked.
Perhaps you might consider asking the bank to help you work out a budget plan with a short term loan, this would keep your financial matters private and take the burden to bail you out off your MIL. You would also be taking responsibility for your situation.

xv_biker1

this sounds all too familiar,
Been an only child and mum not working since i was born (now 33) im the only thing she has to fuss over and boy does she. I cant fart without her knowing.
She means well but she interferes with everything and so far has cost me 700 quid this year cause she insisted she knew better about boilers than my qualified gas safe registered mate who i really trusted but ended up with a right bunch of cowboys in. Then we ordered a sofa i cant afford cause i thought she was going to give us more than she had.

bottom line - NO WAY.
/rant off

XRAT

Only you will ever be able to answer this question, because only you know her.., and yourselves.

But, if you are struggling you may well be doing something wrong, and if she's able to lend.., then she's probably doing something right.

It may well be that she really is trying to look into your books to make sure that you aren't living beyond your means, and wants to help you budget. (We've all seen the TV programs where people are hard up because they waste so much on stupid magazines or wine! And you can't have used this site without catching on that it's all about budgeting to keep track of where it goes.)

The money may help short term but if she's savvy she may be able to help you long term by pointing out the holes in the dyke.

I wish you and your finances well for the future.

Androcles

As XRAT and others have said, this is really about relationships - you with your other half and both of you individually and jointly with MIL. The one thing you do not mention in the case statement is how your husband feels about this situation and about your attitude to his mum trying to help.
Neither do you mention how you got into this difficulty yet again and your shared view over how to get out of it.

If you cannot square these, then going ahead with the loan looks a dodgy decision. If you and he end up with a major disagreement over it for whatever reason, then it cannot be worth it - go to the bank. There are many of us who have "lent" money to relatives only for us never to see it again, and her request for information suggests that MIL is starting to get cautious and question if she is doing the right thing in lending you the cash. Her heart probably says help while her head is saying "watch out!" Is she right to be worried?

Only you know the answers to these.....

thelem

Your mother in law is offering you a loan at better terms than you could do for a bank, so she is already doing you a favour because of your relationship. Why does she what to know your financial situation? Presumably it is either so she can judge what risk she is taking on (which is perfectly reasonable), or because she wants to ensure the loan will help you.

You haven't given us much background about your personal circumstances and the previous loan, but reading between the lines I'd guess that it was for a big ticket item such as a car and was repaid on time (if you got into arrears then she is very generous even to offer again).

It sounds like this loan is for your day to day living expenses. She is probably worried that you are spending more than you are earning, and that by giving you a loan she might be allowing you to continue that mistake until you get yourself into serious financial trouble. If you are spending more than your income, then a loan can give you the time and money to put that right (e.g. find a job or higher paying job, move home to a cheaper property), but if you just continue as you are at the moment then at some point the loan will run out and you'll find yourself in exactly the same situation you are now, but with a loan you need to repay.

Sorry if the above advice doesn't fit your situation, but I had to make some huge assumptions to post anything useful.