Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

redandy599

im sure she means well and i can certainly understand that she wants to be sure the money can be paid back, but you need to be happy that your in laws can be trusted with the information if you are in any doubt dont do it.

Also im a great believer that money and family members dont always mix and i would sooner deal with a faceless bank if the situation worsens you can always go cap in hand to your mil,but if your situation gets better then you still have your pride intact.

EeViL_WeEvil

Look at it a different way perhaps.

If a bank said to you, we will lend you £4000 interest free, but we want to scrutinize your finances first, what would you say?

I think I would go for it.

bulletproof_1979

janiebquick wrote: »

She's nothing but a control freak, which is the last thing you need. I sympathise, but don't be tempted or she will hold it against you forever. Go to a bank for a loan, you'll only lose interest, not your self respect.

A ridiculous accusation, which you have no way of supporting with the evidence we've been given in the post.

onesixfive

Think about what you've got to hide & why you are hiding it ?
Is this why you've got yourself into debt - not facing up to your debts?
Or not facing up to the truth about your spending ?
Are you worried she may criticise your spending?
How about going through your incomings & outgoings (maybe with an impartial party - citizens advice, or similar), so that any potential criticism your MIL may have of your spendings can be viewed by AN Other too.
Personally, I would welcome an interest free loan, but think carefully on what you will spend it on - its temptation to blow it - unless its to clear a debt thats running away with interest ie: a credit card.
There is no point clearing the debts if you are going to run them up again, or take a loan you cant afford.

CompBunny

My mother-in-law and her husband were struggling and needed to borrow £500 (which is a huge amount of money to us) from my partner.

He gave it to them freely, knowing that his mother wouldn't ask for help unless she really needed it. He also made a pact with himself that he wouldn't judge any future spending that he views as extravagant (eg iphone), and also wrote the money off in his mind - if you lend money to a family member, never rely on always getting it back unless you want to risk the danger of a family relationship tarnished by money. If you are unable to do that, don't lend money you can't afford to lose to family or friends!

We haven't seen that £500 again (its been about 6 months), nor has there been any mention of it. I must admit that I was hoping at least some of it would be repaid, but I am not as generous as my partner.

I guess in families you just have to help where you can - if you put "conditions" on it, you open the door to possible long running feuds if those involved can't or won't abide by them.

It is very kind of your MIL to offer, but you have to ask yourself whether you can:
a) Repay in a timely manner
b) Play by her rules
If you can't do both of these, politely refuse her offer.

Just my thoughts.

cazpost

If you are struggling to manage your budgets,I would have thought you would be glad of any advice being offered. Sitting down and going through your finances thoroughly (and honestly) is something you will have to do anyway,whether you decide to go to the bank or borrow from Mother-in Law.How can you be sure the Bank will lend you the money,if your finances arent in great shape?
Whoever lends you the money needs to be sure that you can afford the repayments,and how long it will take you to repay them.If your Mother -in -Law is about to lend you a substantial sum she needs to know how much you are going to pay her each month,and how long it will take you (unless she has so much money that she doesnt need it back)
Over the years I have lent money to certain family members,and its always been a struggle getting it back. I wish I'd made them tell me the full facts about the state of their finances before I gave them the money.

tallgirld

My immediate reaction would be SHE'S NOSEY! As I do not like discussing what I earn with individuals there is no way I would be able to take a loan from her.

I would rather take a loan from the bank and pay the interest!!!

SandraDJ

You don't state what your relationship with your MiL is.

It may well be that she has your interests at heart. I don't know how you got into debt, but it may well be useful to have someone else look at your spending pattern to see where cuts can be made. Sometimes it can just be down to money management.

You all need to be sure that you can pay off the loan without getting yourself into a worse situation.

If you all behave like sensible adults, you may be able to turn the problems around in a straightforward way.

BigAde

You say you have borrowed money from her in the past? I suspect she thinks you are unable to budget correctly because you are spending needlessly.

I have friends who are constantly pleading poverty and have a proverbial begging bowl out. As soon as a family member helps them out or they get a little bit of money, they spend it on drink, new furniture, or some other uncessary expenditure. Then, as soon as their car breaks or their children need new school uniform, they're pleading poverty again.

seven-day-weekend

CompBunny wrote: »

My mother-in-law and her husband were struggling and needed to borrow £500 (which is a huge amount of money to us) from my partner.

He gave it to them freely, knowing that his mother wouldn't ask for help unless she really needed it. He also made a pact with himself that he wouldn't judge any future spending that he views as extravagant (eg iphone), and also wrote the money off in his mind - if you lend money to a family member, never rely on always getting it back unless you want to risk the danger of a family relationship tarnished by money. If you are unable to do that, don't lend money you can't afford to lose to family or friends!

We haven't seen that £500 again (its been about 6 months), nor has there been any mention of it. I must admit that I was hoping at least some of it would be repaid, but I am not as generous as my partner.

I guess in families you just have to help where you can - if you put "conditions" on it, you open the door to possible long running feuds if those involved can't or won't abide by them.

It is very kind of your MIL to offer, but you have to ask yourself whether you can:
a) Repay in a timely manner
b) Play by her rules
If you can't do both of these, politely refuse her offer.


Just my thoughts.

We too lent an amount of money to a family member, but wrote it off in our minds (we did know that it was for a specific purpose and it was spent on that). We have not had it back (but still live in hope). The family member has since hinted that they need some more, we have said there is none available (true - there is none for that purpose).

I think if you don't want her terms and conditions, then you don't borrow off her.