meeting husbands female friend!

JamesUK_3

It does all make me wonder where people who are bi-sexual fit into this.

Based on some of the comments by people on here, I have to ask are they allowed to have *ANY* friends?

I really am amazed how people can judge an entire gender. If it was turned around into a nation or a race of people there would be an uproar!!

If someone turned around to me and said "you cant be friends with xxx because they are yyy" i'd turn around and tell you where you could go. Unless of course I could come back with my own comments and ban your friends for whatever reason i could think of.

dianadors

The problem is not with gender. My hubby works with a lot of women and has lots of women friends at work. I have no problems with any of these friendships. The one I had problems with was the "inappropriate" friendship that almost cost us our marriage and nearly split the family up. I think that this is what Kerry was fearing. I have evidence to suggest that even the most loyal and devoted of husbands and dads can get their heads turned when its "offered on a plate".

peter999

Rachie_B wrote: »

it was cancelled ,kerry did reply a few pages back

The husband has been given a right royal rollocking !!

Flirty texts my arsse, invited to BBQ to rub wife's nose in it !!:rotfl:
What an idiot.

That would be some BBQ.
Call the ambulance.

peter999

murphy61

One of the reasons this thread interested me was because I'm in a similar situation, but in this case I'm the husband. I wrote earlier that the husband should allay his wife's fears, now I've had to practise what I preach! I have a female friend who I work with occasionally who's half my age. We've spent time abroad together, text each other regularly and generally get on really well. Recently we've been spending time together (in company with other people, never alone) outside work as well. But there's nothing untoward going on, never has been, never will be. Just really good friends. Anyway my DW is increasingly feeling excluded, thinks it might develop into something, thinks the age difference is bizarre and is worried about what people are thinking. So reluctantly I'm severing the ties, it'll be work contact only from now on, and it's made me realise just how complex relationships are. My DW comes first every time, she deserves nothing less, and I think that applies to any situation in any relationship. Both sides have to be totally comfortable with what the other is doing. Even groundless fears must be addressed!

seven-day-weekend

dianadors wrote: »

The problem is not with gender. My hubby works with a lot of women and has lots of women friends at work. I have no problems with any of these friendships. The one I had problems with was the "inappropriate" friendship that almost cost us our marriage and nearly split the family up. I think that this is what Kerry was fearing. I have evidence to suggest that even the most loyal and devoted of husbands and dads can get their heads turned when its "offered on a plate".

Yes, same here.....thankfully firmly in the past.

Frugal_Fox

Milky_Mocha wrote: »

How do you know?


accusatory

Because I trust him, because I shared my concerns, because he showed me the texts, because I've met the people he texts - at then end of the day I trust him - and if I can't do that, then I really do not have a marriage.

NB - thanks for the spelling assistance.

TokochickUK

My best friend of 11 yrs ( my first boyfriend actually) married a few yrs ago, I was invited to the wedding but his wife was not a happy bunny about it. I see my friend as just that, none of my boyfriends or dh has an issue with our friendship as they can see it for what it is. A trusting and very dear friendship, nothing more. He means the world to me, and I dont have to tell him when im down he just knows, and the same from me. His wife however is not happy still even now about our friendship, I understand she is a very insecure person, best mate has known her about 4 yrs and married 2 of the, I even took myself over to her before the wedding ( I live over an hours drive away , am married with two small boys myself) so just really wanted to set her mind at rest... promptly after I left he informed me she had now banned my number from his phone and from him contacting me and if I called him he was to tell me friendship was over. I was heartbroken, this guy had been through so much with me, supported me, as I him and our long standing friendship meanat nothing to her because I was female.
We still text, and we are still friends...
My number however is not under my name in his phone, makes me feel pretty poop as I have never done, or said anything to instigate that our friendship is more than just that.

murphy61

That's really sad...... but it's not his wife's fault that she's insecure. Lots of people are...... But happiness in the home is crucial. Then we get into the realms of "ok, actually we're still friends, text each other, what she doesn't know won't hurt her...." where does it end? Main thing is - don't hurt her!

slates

Like Tokochick, I have a very very dear friend who was once a boyfriend when I was 13 and for nearly the last 20 years we have been the best of friends and just purely friends. He knows my good points and bad points and we've always been there for each other when the chips were down for either of us.
His ex was'nt keen on me at all whether she saw me as a threat or didnt like me who knows, but we didnt have as much contact as we'd liked. We dont really speak or even see each other that often as we live 200 miles away from each other but we're always be friends. My current b/f knows the situation and he is ok with it.
The funny thing is his previous g/f is now a friend of mine due to them having to work together therefore we have all been together at outings. I have no doubts, fear or trust issues with her or my b/f that relationship is in the past. I truly like her as a friend and vice versa. If I'd met her though another situation she would've become a mate of mine.

Sometimes its funny how life turns out

xxx

rosieben

murphy61 wrote: »

Both sides have to be totally comfortable with what the other is doing. Even groundless fears must be addressed!

Above is the whole point of this thread.

We are all different in our beliefs, in our tolerance, our self esteem. The end stop is whether or not both parties in the marriage are feeling safe with the situation. If they are not, then that needs to be addressed. The happiness of a partner should come before a friendship, surely?