Passive Aggressive - Emotionally Abusive Partner - Anyone else?

loveasale

As much as love my [nice loving] ex husband the bully side of him was more and more each day,
he now has gone and with all my heart i miss my happy family unit ,but i dont miss the angry , unhappy , moaning bully he had become.
our kids are much more relaxed .
you must leave, try Womans Refguge?
i wish u well x
:j

ruthybabs

Please please leave this man. Do not let him ruin any more of your life or your daughter's.

He will no doubt turn on the charm when you do because he can't live without you, and then turn nasty because you refuse but that's part of his mind games and bullying.

Please please get out and put yourself and your children first.

Gra76

He sounds like the kind of person I'd cross the street to get away from. He's not a loving caring partner, he's your emotional tormentor. He probably thinks some of it is amusing to him. You shouldn't have to put up with it.

Get rid. Now. It won't get any better and if it makes you feel this way it's really not worth it.

delain

I've been there where you are. I escaped. It's not easy but it can be done. Speak to your HV. Mine was amazing.

Make sure you don't give in and go back however much he begs (and he will!) Or promises to change (all lies)

I'm only a pm away if you need to chat x x

You can do it. :grouphug:

LannieDuck

Well done for making the decision to leave. It sounds as if you're doing everything by yourself anyway. I can't imagine you'll find it very different on your own, except that your self-confidence won't take such a bashing every day. You're very wise to get your daughter away from that environment.

Let us help you get away as quickly as possible. If I'm correct, you're not married? Who's name is on the house deeds?

Do you have your own bank account that he doesn't know about? Put all child benefit in there. You could try some ebaying to build it up faster.

Similarly, do you and he have a joint bank account for all normal expenses, or does his pay go into his own account? If it's joint, I'm not advocating you empty the bank account, but I think you'd be morally entitled to some of that money - you do all the housework, all the cooking, all the childcare etc which allows him to hold down a fulltime job (although depending on his temper you may be reluctant to go down this route). But if you don't have access to the account, it's a non-issue.

Get all your paperwork together - passports, bank account details etc.

Do you have family you can stay with in the short term? Your brother perhaps?

Do you have friends who can help you move out while he's at work?

Give women's aid a ring and have a chat. They may be able to offer practical advice and assistance. Given the age of your daughter, your local sure start centres may also be able to help.

downsizer3

Its amazing how it can wear you down over the years.
When you get out you will feel so much better - and you deserve so much better. Good luck with the saving - every penny saved will be worth it. I hope you have family and friends around you who can help too.
Brave lady - there are a few of us out there who took that leap - for various reasons - but it can be done!

go_cat

OP if you read that post from another user what would you think?

That is probably one of the worst threads I have ever read and if ever anyone wanted to summarise emotional abuse that is it.

Worse of all your daughter is growing up to think that is normal and how men treat women...she could look for a partner like that too.

You need to break this cycle fr her if not for both of you.

Good luck you deserve a medal for putting up with that for so long. He is not worthy of you at ALL .

balletshoes

3WayFreedom wrote: »

I know not a lot in this world…I only know my experience of it…however I do know one thing: he isn’t making my baby into a nasty, passive aggressive,deeply miserable person. If I could never leave for myself (because I really don't feel worthy)…I can leave for my baby because she is.

Sorry it's so long...it just all kind of tumbled out. x

2 things - you recognise what your OH is, you recognise he'll never change, he's damaged, and he's damaged you. Thats a massive step in the right direction for you. And - get the hell out, now. For you and your little girl.

Your OP sent shivers through me, that a partner could be so continuously cruel.

3WayFreedom

LannieDuck wrote: »

Well done for making the decision to leave. It sounds as if you're doing everything by yourself anyway. I can't imagine you'll find it very different on your own, except that your self-confidence won't take such a bashing every day. You're very wise to get your daughter away from that environment.

Let us help you get away as quickly as possible. If I'm correct, you're not married? Who's name is on the house deeds? We have a joint mortgage as I was working up until having little one last August.

Do you have your own bank account that he doesn't know about? Put all child benefit in there. You could try some ebaying to build it up faster. I have my own bank account...I have been scrimping and saving for a couple of months. I have just over £600...hopefully by Jan I will hit the thousand pound mark and have enough for a months rent and months deposit that I need to move out. I did ring the council and I am on the housing list...but very low down and the wait is around 5 years.

Similarly, do you and he have a joint bank account for all normal expenses, or does his pay go into his own account? If it's joint, I'm not advocating you empty the bank account, but I think you'd be morally entitled to some of that money - you do all the housework, all the cooking, all the childcare etc which allows him to hold down a fulltime job (although depending on his temper you may be reluctant to go down this route). But if you don't have access to the account, it's a non-issue. He is very over-drawn and there is no money to take but I have the child benefit, Ebay, poll and money given as Xmas gifts in my "freedom" account.

Get all your paperwork together - passports, bank account details etc. I am doing that today...he is at work all day.

Do you have family you can stay with in the short term? Your brother perhaps? My family live quite a few miles away; mum has her own problems at home and brother has a houseful with kids and wife. Partner isn't violent and as long as I don't retaliate when he starts belittling or looking for an arguement I think I can chew through until Jan.

Do you have friends who can help you move out while he's at work? My son is 21 and can drive the van...he has a few friends that can help me move my things. Partner knows I am leaving...he told me to taking my fat f**king self off to another place after eating the three chocolate biscuits. He doesn't know when though...I feel he will try and stop me...first by being nice, then by been degrading and finally by using emotional blackmail over our daughter.

Give women's aid a ring and have a chat. They may be able to offer practical advice and assistance. Given the age of your daughter, your local sure start centres may also be able to help
As there is no physical abuse and no immediate threat I don't know what Woman's Refuge can really do to help at the moment and I don't want to take away the resources from a woman that really needs their help. I will be in touch with SureStart as soon as I moved asI hope to join a few of their baby clubs as I currently feel quite friendless and isolated.

Thank you again everybody for your support and kind words...I shall use this thread to continually stiffen my resolve. It also makes me realise that there are really lovely people in the world that show love and concern and those are the people I should gravitate towards...and the world I have lived in for the last 11 years isn't normal. X X

**Patty**

OP sometimes the price is too high.

I walked away with 2 beautiful children, 1 suitcase & a Marks & Spencer's dinner service (long story).

I'd pay 10 times again for what i have now.

My inbox is there^ if you need someone to walk with you