Passive Aggressive - Emotionally Abusive Partner - Anyone else?

Cally_Smart

You must put yourself & your daughter first.Your son is going to be making his own way in the big wide world soon.Being treated like by this 'man' & looking after everybody's needs has ground you down.
Lots & lots of excellent ideas on this forum to get you through this from people who have been in similar situations.I can see myself years ago.If you read what you have written posted by someone else-I feel you would say ''leave, you deserve better'' There's your answer.
You obviously know what needs to be done, it is being brave enough to make that first step. Find out ,secretly ,obviously,what help you could get (dare I say it CSA)& benefits you could be entitled to & plan.
Like us you never know what is around the corner & how happy you could be with the right person!
I bent my friends ears asking for advice & they got very frustrated with me 'going back for more'.They were relieved when I saw sense!
Reading through your post made me feel very sad for you but I can detect a sense of humour & spark from you still, so I know you can get through it ! Go Girl !

RuthnJasper

OP - also didn't want to read and run. Basically I can only echo the excellent advice offered above.

The amoral sh*t-stick doesn't deserve a fabulous, intelligent and caring woman like you. He's had his chance and only proved time-and-time again that he's mere pondlife and unworthy of your company.*

I know how hard it is - but you WILL make it; and have a happier future with as many biscuits as you want.

Look after yourself, and stay strong. You can do it. xxx

* And try to be brave and stand firm against his pathetic pleas for another chance and his promises to change. He won't. And you are worthy of better company than a bullying little tapeworm. x

missindecisive

you really must leave this horrible man before he destroys your soul completely...please find strength to do it soon x

Frith

Just to second what others have said - you do not need to have been abused physically to go to a women's refuge. I stayed in one for a month after leaving my husband in 2005.

They will be very helpful if you can give them a ring. You can always email them if you find that easier.

jaqui59

My goodness, he's one sick dude isn't he!!! OP take all the others advice and get out of there asap. The sooner you start to rebuild yours and your childrens life the better.

I wish you and your family all the very best. You are going to feel wonderful when that (whatever it is) is out of your life.

3WayFreedom

Thank you all VERY MUCH again...you are all like virtual, common sense talking, hug giving, back covering big sisters (and brothers) and have given me a real boost. Can't thank you all enough.X X X

I am so glad all you ladies that have been in similar situations have got out and gone on to soar like a pheonix. It is nice to feel I am not alone...and I too can follow your lead and make a wonderful life for me and my kids.

Just a quick update as his Lordship is at home. When I told my aunt what had been happening...she was very upset I hadn't told her sooner...us abusee's hide it well. Anyway, she has offered to GIVE me the rest of the money I need to move out...so in looks as though I could be moving out in the next two weeks.

I have found a property a few streets away from my mother...I go to see it on Thursday...and it is currently empty. Fingers crossed...it is affordable...just (that is if I can get income support and housing allowance.) I am excited but incredibly apprehensive...the coward in me says...you can't cope as a single mum...but I have before with DS 11 years ago and I will again...but OH has filled me with the self belief I can't do anything right...I have that nagging little voice that fills me with self-doubt.

I am back to read my original post again...I need the motivation again. Until tomorrow...sleep well friends. x x

X x

amyloofoo

Firstly honey, well done for writing it all down and massive hugs :grouphug: from (I'm sure) all of us here. You've written a very comprehensive and touching list that you can re-read whenever you need to remind yourself why it's time to go. You've already been given some really good advice, so there's not an awful lot for me to add, but I didn't want to read and run.

The council should be able to make you a higher priority, as other people have said, emotional abuse is still abuse, and they have a duty of care both towards yourself and your child. It might be worth going down in person, explaining the situation, and refusing to leave until you're certain they've understood. Health visitors, maternity support workers, voluntary advocates, church ministers, etc can all be very helpful in getting the council to see sense. Are you also registered with your local housing associations? They all tend to have slightly different criteria for offering properties, and some are very sympathetic towards those leaving bad relationships.

I'm very pleased that your aunt has offered to give you the money to move out - even if you need to rent privately, this should give you the ability to get away from this lowlife and concentrate on your kids. Just as an aside, as you're planning to claim housing benefit, please remember you'll only be entitled to full HB for a 2 bed (or 3 bed if your son's still with you), and any other bedrooms will lead to you having to 'top up' your benefit.

Women's Aid are really helpful, and as others have said, they are not just there for those who've experienced physical abuse. Talking to them might give you access to further support, and could help you to stay strong for when he inevitably decides he's made a massive mistake in 'allowing' you to leave.

Big hugs,
Amy xx

tigerstriper_2

Yes you can do this. Try thinking of it this way; you have been a single parent all this time with him in the background, sabotaging you all the way. In actual fact, you have done better and have been stronger than you realised.

Keep that in mind whenever you have a wobble. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Frith

Ooo, that's very exciting! Do you know, it is SO much easier to cope as a single mother than it is with someone like that burdening you?

delain

Well done talking to the family is a big step and a difficult one to take.

You can do it. You will be entitled to the help.

You are good enough, you are beautiful.

Just think how good it will be to sit in your own home and have as many or as few biscuits as you damn well please!

We are (in the small way online peeps can manage) all here for you.