Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

newcook

Unfortunately, with OP not willing to discuss it (apart from we are not moving – end of) she has made her husband choose between his ill mom and his wife.

OP, if the boot was on the other foot would you expect him to move?

Person_one

newcook wrote: »

Unfortunately, with OP not willing to discuss it (apart from we are not moving – end of) she has made her husband choose between his ill mom and his wife.

OP, if the boot was on the other foot would you expect him to move?

I think its really poor form to try and put the blame for this on her.

She wanted to stay where her job and her children's schools are and not uproot the family from the place they've lived for decades. Hardly unreasonable.

Mojisola

sue_sue wrote: »

Im a 46 year old drama teacher from london, I have two children with my husband, son 18 and daughter 15. Ive lived in london all my life, and all my family live very close to me.

My husband has always wanted to move back to liverpool and thinks now is the perfect time. I do not want to leave my family, freinds, job and neither do my kids.

Person_one wrote: »

I think its really poor form to try and put the blame for this on her.

She wanted to stay where her job and her children's schools are and not uproot the family from the place they've lived for decades. Hardly unreasonable.

It sounds as if the husband has, for decades, wanted to move back home. Perhaps he'd like to spend part of his life having all his family around him?

His Mum's illness may have made him realise that his family won't be there for ever and, if he doesn't spend time with them now, he might miss out on them for ever.

Bogof_Babe

Sounds like a typical midlife crisis to me.

Would he go to counselling with you OP, to try to get to the bottom of this? If he won't even discuss it I fear the writing is already on the wall for your marriage.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

It sounds as if the husband has, for decades, wanted to move back home. Perhaps he'd like to spend part of his life having all his family around him?

His Mum's illness may have made him realise that his family won't be there for ever and, if he doesn't spend time with them now, he might miss out on them for ever.

So he should talk to his wife and work something out, not demand to get his own way and then storm off in a strop when she's not keen.

If he's wanted to move back all this time maybe he shouldn't have agreed to live in London in the first place, I presume he wasn't forced to. Adults have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

So he should talk to his wife and work something out, not demand to get his own way and then storm off in a strop when she's not keen.

If he's wanted to move back all this time maybe he shouldn't have agreed to live in London in the first place, I presume he wasn't forced to. Adults have to live with the consequences of their decisions.

Maybe he's been trying to for years. It takes two to have a discussion.

If she hasn't been taking his feelings into account for years, this might be the consequence.

lostinrates

newcook wrote: »

Unfortunately, with OP not willing to discuss it (apart from we are not moving – end of) she has made her husband choose between his ill mom and his wife.

OP, if the boot was on the other foot would you expect him to move?

And his daughter's education is not worth considering?

System

With a 15 year old, I wouldn't want to move until she has finished at school.

I so agree with this.

Only move if your happy to do so. I wouldnt be blackmailed into anything i wasnt happy to do.

For years my husband has wanted to emigrate. Ive told him to go then but i wont be going with him.

I dont mind moving but i have to feel/know that i am doing the right thing.

As for him quitting his job. Sympathies again, my husband has quit more jobs than he's had hot dinners but he's never been out of work longer than a few weeks.

newcook

Of course it is but there are other options with that – there are schools in Liverpool, she could stay with OP’s mom until she leaves school and then join them etc. OP hasn’t said if its her GCSE’s this year or next year.

Its quite possible that his mom might die – even with the fantastic treatment they have these days for cancer she could still pick up a bug (even a cold can be bad for someone having chemo).

OP has said that DH has always wanted to move back to Liverpool but there has always been a reason not to, so its not like this is something out of the blue for her.

Im sure if it was the other way around and they were up in Liverpool and it was OP’s mom who was ill that she would be wanting to move and be closer to her family.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

I think its really poor form to try and put the blame for this on her.

She wanted to stay where her job and her children's schools are and not uproot the family from the place they've lived for decades. Hardly unreasonable.

Not just her job - his as well!