Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

Pthree

By the sounds of it he has always wanted to go back while you have never had any intention of doing so?

I really think you should stop being so hard on him. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your parents after being away from them for many years.

I know when my Dad was ill (again nothing life threatening) it also made me want to move closer, something I have yet to achieve and spend more time with them after being away for 20 yrs.

To be honest, while giving up his job without telling you was a silly rash decision, I think you should cut him a little slack.

He has just realised his Mum is not immortal and that, I can tell you, is devastating!

Dunroamin

Mojisola wrote: »

It sounds as if the husband has, for decades, wanted to move back home. Perhaps he'd like to spend part of his life having all his family around him?

His Mum's illness may have made him realise that his family won't be there for ever and, if he doesn't spend time with them now, he might miss out on them for ever.

I think anyone with teenage children who would voluntarily move them to an unemployment black spot because of their own needs would be incredibly selfish.

lostinrates

newcook wrote: »

Of course it is but there are other options with that – there are schools in Liverpool, she could stay with OP’s mom until she leaves school and then join them etc. OP hasn’t said if its her GCSE’s this year or next year.

Its quite possible that his mom might die – even with the fantastic treatment they have these days for cancer she could still pick up a bug (even a cold can be bad for someone having chemo).

OP has said that DH has always wanted to move back to Liverpool but there has always been a reason not to, so its not like this is something out of the blue for her.

Im sure if it was the other way around and they were up in Liverpool and it was OP’s mom who was ill that she would be wanting to move and be closer to her family.

Any of these schooling options are possible, and in some circumstances would be better, but these don't strike me as one of those circumstances necessarily and they all surely have an impact on their daughter?

It seems crazy to risk impairing the future of a young person academically , and in situtations like this emotionally. (if he is leaving op it happens, but the impact on kids should really be minimised where possible). At a tender age she could risk learning that it's normal for women or one partner to be bullied into decisions made by a domineering man/partner who makes decisions based on soley his needs at times of difficulty.

Mojisola

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think anyone with teenage children who would voluntarily move them to an unemployment black spot because of their own needs would be incredibly selfish.

I think what's he's done is foolish but people do sometimes make rash decisions when they reach a breaking point and it's possible that his mother's diagnosis was the final straw for him.

We don't know the history behind the current events - it's just worth throwing up possibilities for sue_sue to consider. She can ignore any posts that don't have relevance to them.

Person_one

Let's not forget that Liverpool is only a two hour train journey from London, some people commute that distance regularly.

We're not talking about a dying mum on the other side of the world where visiting costs a fortune and involves crossing time zones.

mountainofdebt

Well I have to say that a few years back there was a strong possibility that my mum had breast cancer (nothing was ever said but by the way the doctors and nurses were acting they too thought cancer was more than likely to be the diagnosis)

I never said anything to my mum at the time but had the results come back positive then I would have had no hesitation in either going parttime or at worst handing in my resignation.

I'm fortunate never to have nursed someone with cancer but speaking to people who have been that unfortunate it seems that the treatment can really knock the stuffing out of you so whilst the cancer may not be life threatening (what does that mean exactly?) I bet the treatment is no bed of roses

19lottie82

What are your husbands plans if he moves back to Liverpool and you stay in London with the kids? Will he stay with him family or get his own place? If the latter can you afford to run 2 homes? I'm guessing not as you say that you can't afford to quit your job.

neneromanova

My parents moved from Berkshire to Devon when I was 15 (Year 10). My brother and sister were 12 & 9 so it didn't affect them at all, but I have come away from school with rubbish results, and no friends. Everyone was all clicky together and not willing to let a new girl into their friendships.

I would stay put until your DD finishes school and take it from there. I would also let him get on with what he wants to do as quitting his job but not saying anything is rude and harsh.

Dunroamin

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Well I have to say that a few years back there was a strong possibility that my mum had breast cancer (nothing was ever said but by the way the doctors and nurses were acting they too thought cancer was more than likely to be the diagnosis)

I never said anything to my mum at the time but had the results come back positive then I would have had no hesitation in either going parttime or at worst handing in my resignation.

I'm fortunate never to have nursed someone with cancer but speaking to people who have been that unfortunate it seems that the treatment can really knock the stuffing out of you so whilst the cancer may not be life threatening (what does that mean exactly?) I bet the treatment is no bed of roses

Not everyone has to go through months of chemotherapy and radiotherapy with breast cancer and, even if they do, it doesn't necessarily mean nursing care is needed.

Even if your mother's results had been positive, she could have been back at work a couple of months later, as I was, needing nothing other than lots of rest.

19lottie82

Dunroamin wrote: »

Not everyone has to go through months of chemotherapy and radiotherapy with breast cancer and, even if they do, it doesn't necessarily mean nursing care is needed.

Even if your mother's results had been positive, she could have been back at work a couple of months later, as I was, needing nothing other than lots of rest.

True. My Mum recently finished treatment for BC and she was told that there were over 30 types/ cocktails of chemo that were prescribed depending on the patient. Some people can hardly get out of bed for the whole period of treatment and others can go bakc to work straight away.

She had 8 chemo sessions once every 3 weeks and just stayed in bed and slept for the first week after each one. I popped in every day on my way home from work to deliver shopping and do a bit of cleaning / cooking but tbh i think she just wanted peace and quiet.