Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

Person_one

I take it the OP didn't drag him to London against his will and force him at gunpoint to settle down and raise their children there.

He made a decision many years ago to live far away from his mum (although with the fast trains now surely its only a couple of hours journey) and he can't expect his whole family to up sticks all of a sudden.

Sacking in his job without a word to the rest of the family is shocking behaviour. I'm sure there would have been a way for him to see more of his mum without uprooting the whole family and making his wife and children unhappy but he's taken things to a completely different level by acting unilaterally.

Acc72

sue_sue wrote: »

Me and my kids are adamant we are not moving, If he really wants to move, it will be with out us.

It looks as though you have made your mind up - I am not sure why you are asking for advice ?

Ps - the children are both yours and your husbands.

podperson

I do agree that it was extremely rash for him to hand his notice in without discussing it properly with you and the kids first! Is he perhaps more worried about his mum then you're thinking though? Even if the cancer isn't life-threatening at the moment it may have been a big shock to him to find out she was so ill. Have you discussed her illness between you at all? For example, how often do you get up there at the moment - could you discuss making more regular visits so he gets to see his family up there more often?

Dunroamin

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Sorry, but I think some of your comments are selfish... YOUR mother in law has cancer. How do you think your husband feels about that? Plus she's been part of your family for at least 18 years but you don't seem moved by it.

You say it's not life-threatening but then mention high survival rates... that all just sounded callous to me.

You describe it like it's a toothache or something.

You then go on to say that you don't want to move away from your family, friends and work... no mention of your daughter's final exam years there... until the next poster mentioned it.0

This post just smacked of 'me' and not 'we'.

Although any major illness in the family is worrying, jacking in your job, expecting your wife to do the same and disrupting a child's education at a crucial time is a total overreaction, particularly as MIL has all the rest of the family around her.

It sounds as if the OP's husband is using this an excuse to get his own way.

Tiddlywinks

Dunroamin wrote: »

Although any major illness in the family is worrying, jacking in your job, expecting your wife to do the same and disrupting a child's education at a crucial time is a total overreaction, particularly as MIL has all the rest of the family around her.

It sounds as if the OP's husband is using this an excuse to get his own way.

Perhaps he had tried to raise the subject and it just fell on deaf ears? The poster didn't show much understanding of OH's feelings or care for her MIL's condition in her opening message.

When my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and that feeling stayed until she died. I immediately took time off work and moved in with her and, sorry, but nothing would have stopped me - not the thought of losing my job, my home or anything... it was just something I needed to do. Lucky for me though, my OH gave me his absolute support.

Dunroamin

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Perhaps he had tried to raise the subject and it just fell on deaf ears? The poster didn't show much understanding of OH's feelings or care for her MIL's condition in her opening message.

When my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and that feeling stayed until she died. I immediately took time off work and moved in with her and, sorry, but nothing would have stopped me - not the thought of losing my job, my home or anything... it was just something I needed to do. Lucky for me though, my OH gave me his absolute support.

We'll have to disagree on this. If everybody threw in their jobs when their elderly parents contracted a life threatening illness, the world would fall apart.

My husband was called to his father's bedside to say his final goodbyes several times over a period of nearly 10 years. Shouldn't he have worked through all those years and lived on thin air?

Sambucus_Nigra

Ok - I'm going to do a bit of a crude logical analysis now; bear with me.

But his logic does not follow on the basis that his mum might die...

If she does - then he has jacked his job in and probably got himself a divorce and will find himself in Liverpool, single with no income and no mum.

If she doesn't - then he will have jacked his job in, probably got himself a divorce and will find himself in Liverpool, single with no income but with his mum, who [because she has survived] doesn't really need him at her bedside.

So - either there is something else going on, or his logic is completely up the swanee.

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So - either there is something else going on, or his logic is completely up the swanee.

It's possible that he's not thinking straight at all and has made a stupid decision

OR

there is a lot more wrong in their life and his Mum's illness is the final straw.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

It's possible that he's not thinking straight at all and has made a stupid decision

OR

there is a lot more wrong in their life and his Mum's illness is the final straw.

Yes - that's what I said.

seashore22

My husband was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and it has now returned.

There is no way on earth that we would want our adult children to disrupt their lives in order to be physically closer to him. If they all rushed back to be with him, he would be thinking that they saw it as a death sentance and that he didn't have much time left. Like the op said, there are cancers that are very treatable and no need to panic.

It is a stressfull time and we really wouldn't need the added stress of one of our children packing in their job and possibly effectively leaving their family. Like all parents we still worry about our children and I would be having stern words with them.

I know every family dynamic is different, but just wanted to give a point of view from another angle.