Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

meritaten

I cannot help wondering if there isnt more to this than you are saying?
To hand in notice in a job is a major step - he may not have consulted you beforehand, but he has told you - and got the same reaction he would have had if he said he was 'thinking of handing in his notice'?

You have blithely stated that the cancer isnt life threatening? how do you know that? Personally, I dont know of any cancer which is completely non-lifethreatening.........or are you taking the term 'treatable' as meaning that?
Your OH is probably worried sick about his mum, he has always said you will move back to Liverpool one day and to him this is the 'right time'.
I can understand your fear of moving and perhaps not being able to get a job (I dont know why, I thought there was a shortage of teachers?). But, in the reverse situation - wouldnt you be willing to move heaven and earth to support your own mum through a very nasty debilitating illness.

quinechinoise

His mother will die - tomorrow or in 20 years' time - and you will be in Liverpool with no friends and your kids will grow up and leave home. Of course, you may make new friends in Liverpool.

Has he never settled in London? Does he have no local friends?

As for the teacher shortage (mentioned above), my MIL has told me there is a huge shortage of supply teachers. Not the same thing as regular teaching posts though.

It's terrible that he's handed in his notice without telling you first. If the 18 year old doesn't want to move, presumably he's happy to move without one child as the other is technically an adult.

kingfisherblue

There is a shortage of jobs for teachers on Merseyside, possibly because there are so many universities that offer the PGCE. Experienced teachers sometimes find it more difficult to get a job because they are higher up the pay scale than a newly qualified teacher. Also, teachers have to give enough notice to the school they work in. You can't just give four weeks and leave mid-term, as you can with many other jobs.

In the OP's circumstances, I would be concerned that her husband has handed in his notice already, knowing that the job market on Merseyside isn't marvellous. I can understand his desire to be with his mum whilst she is I'll, but he hasn't taken his wife or children's needs into account.

Person_one

kj*daisy wrote: »

If he's done that to you, there's no way I'd be uprooting everything and going with him. Stay put, if its meant to work out long distance in the long term it will and you can make another decision when your daughter leaves school. And no you are not being selfish in the slightest.

I have to agree with this.

Even if you were considering it before, that action would make me completely put the brakes on.

**Patty**

Whilst he may be concerned about his mother's health.......

Removing 1 income from the household without ANY discussion and thus threatening the roof over his children's heads (OP states they would struggle without her income so the reverse would be true) I would think indicate more than a desire to move house.....

Counting_Pennies_2

I have not had a chance to read the replies yet, but is it possible for you to downsize where you are now and buy a small property up there.

You could rent it out in the week (many people look to rent Monday to Friday for business purposes) and go up every other weekend.

That way you don't disrupt your life too much in London and your OH gets to see his family more?

Lunar_Eclipse

Mojisola wrote: »

With a 15 year old, I wouldn't want to move until she has finished at school.

Totally agree with this and selfishly, it would be the angle I would take in your shoes.

I do however understand your husband wanting to be nearer his mother, so would discuss other options that could meet both your needs, although they would split the family (he goes there during the week or for weekends) potentially with undesirable consequences in the longer term.

Lunar_Eclipse

Just seen your latest reply, I would stay put, but try and understand if there is more going on that he is letting on.

Tiddlywinks

sue_sue wrote: »

Hi all,

Im a 46 year old drama teacher from london, I have two children with my husband, son 18 and daughter 15. Ive lived in london all my life, and all my family live very close to me.

My husband is from liverpool, all his family live there. His mum has recently fallen ill and is having treatment. Her cancer is not life threatening and she is recieving treatment with a high rate of survival. My husband has always wanted to move back to liverpool and thinks now is the perfect time. I do not want to leave my family, freinds, job and neither do my kids. I know this is extremerly selfish and unsympathetic of me,

can anyone who has been in my situation offer any advice,


Thanks

Sorry, but I think some of your comments are selfish... YOUR mother in law has cancer. How do you think your husband feels about that? Plus she's been part of your family for at least 18 years but you don't seem moved by it.

You say it's not life-threatening but then mention high survival rates... that all just sounded callous to me.

You describe it like it's a toothache or something.

You then go on to say that you don't want to move away from your family, friends and work... no mention of your daughter's final exam years there... until the next poster mentioned it.0

This post just smacked of 'me' and not 'we'.

Marisco

Has he been trying to discuss it, and you haven't taken much notice of him, maybe hoping he'll "forget" about it? Maybe that is why he's put in his notice, in desperation. He might think that his feelings haven't been taken into account, especially if you are all "ganging up" on him and refusing to even think about it.