Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

sue_sue_2

Hi all,

Im a 46 year old drama teacher from london, I have two children with my husband, son 18 and daughter 15. Ive lived in london all my life, and all my family live very close to me.

My husband is from liverpool, all his family live there. His mum has recently fallen ill and is having treatment. Her cancer is not life threatening and she is recieving treatment with a high rate of survival. My husband has always wanted to move back to liverpool and thinks now is the perfect time. I do not want to leave my family, freinds, job and neither do my kids. I know this is extremerly selfish and unsympathetic of me,

can anyone who has been in my situation offer any advice,


Thanks

Mojisola

With a 15 year old, I wouldn't want to move until she has finished at school.

balletshoes

sue_sue wrote: »

Hi all,

Im a 46 year old drama teacher from london, I have two children with my husband, son 18 and daughter 15. Ive lived in london all my life, and all my family live very close to me.

My husband is from liverpool, all his family live there. His mum has recently fallen ill and is having treatment. Her cancer is not life threatening and she is recieving treatment with a high rate of survival. My husband has always wanted to move back to liverpool and thinks now is the perfect time. I do not want to leave my family, freinds, job and neither do my kids. I know this is extremerly selfish and unsympathetic of me,

can anyone who has been in my situation offer any advice,


Thanks

Do you never want to move to nearer your husbands family, or just not now? Have you guys discussed this over they years, or has your husband mentioned it and you've just not given it much thought, put it on the back burner so to speak?

balletshoes

Mojisola wrote: »

With a 15 year old, I wouldn't want to move until she has finished at school.

yep, I agree with this. I probably will move again, to be nearer to my family and my husband's business, but it won't be until my daughter has left secondary school.

Mojisola

Could you start to have regular visits up there so that he can support his Mum and you can get to know people? Then, when your daughter's schooling is over, you could look at it as an adventurous change and something to look forward to.

harrys_nan

I have moved twice away from my family, once in my 20's away from my mum (and south London) I was very homesick and missed my family dearly but my mum and younger sisters moved up to where I was living so that was then ok.
I moved again 3 yrs ago and again miss my kids and young grandchildren.
I can only say be sure be very sure this will be what you want to do, is there any way you can go up a few times to get a feel of the place, not just once though.

sue_sue_2

Hi all,

My daughter's schooling is the main reason I dont want to leave. My husbands all ways made it clear that he wants to move back, and there's always been a reason not to. We visit reguarly and I get on with his family, but these are the only people I know up there.Also, finding a teaching job is hard, we cant afford for me not be working.
We had a massive row this weekend as I found out that he has handed in his four weeks notice without consulting me. Me and my kids are adamant we are not moving, If he really wants to move, it will be with out us.

Thanks

balletshoes

sue_sue wrote: »

Hi all,

My daughter's schooling is the main reason I dont want to leave. My husbands all ways made it clear that he wants to move back, and there's always been a reason not to. We visit reguarly and I get on with his family, but these are the only people I know up there.Also, finding a teaching job is hard, we cant afford for me not be working.
We had a massive row this weekend as I found out that he has handed in his four weeks notice without consulting me.
Me and my kids are adamant we are not moving, If he really wants to move, it will be with out us.

Thanks

Wow thats a big thing right enough.
It doesn't need to be the end of your family though, lots of families (including ours) have one parent working away and home when they can be.
Has your husband really never said he wanted to move so soon? What did he say when you argued and he found out you and the kids don't want to move with him?

Dunroamin

sue_sue wrote: »

Hi all,

My daughter's schooling is the main reason I dont want to leave. My husbands all ways made it clear that he wants to move back, and there's always been a reason not to. We visit reguarly and I get on with his family, but these are the only people I know up there.Also, finding a teaching job is hard, we cant afford for me not be working.
We had a massive row this weekend as I found out that he has handed in his four weeks notice without consulting me. Me and my kids are adamant we are not moving, If he really wants to move, it will be with out us.

Thanks

If he's handed in his notice without a job to go to I'd just let him get on with it. (If I didn't shoot him first.)

claire16c

The fact hes handed his notice in without talking to his wife, and no plan, makes me think this is a much bigger problem than him wanting to move to Liverpool.

Plus has he even thought about the future prospects for your family up there and moving in a recession - with no job?? Sounds like complete madness.

kj*daisy

If he's done that to you, there's no way I'd be uprooting everything and going with him. Stay put, if its meant to work out long distance in the long term it will and you can make another decision when your daughter leaves school. And no you are not being selfish in the slightest.