grandparents finding grandchildren difficult

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, I found the same in Spain too (where I lived for eight years). It's always been a puzzle to me that it does not seem to work with UK children, but it doesn't. They DO turn into brats!

But UK children don't live in a society where they are treated like that so how do you know they turn into brats? I think it is being treated like they are monsters that turns them into monsters, self fulfilling prophecy perhaps?

Scrapaholic

Ds is much stricter and sometimes harsh with his sons than we were with him and sometimes forgets they're just kids . He's learning on the job as we all do as parents, so he's doing his best . DD + son in law have been lucky that their dd is a good little girl . DGS is a bit of a handful with his tantrums , soon to be 3yrs old. I think they're all good parents but all children are different .They'll grow up and learn to be socially acceptable soon enough! Mine had their moments just as the grandkids do. I find the noise level a bit wearing and sometimes feel a bit more tired . The mess is generally not bad to clear . We all live quite close so we see them a lot . We feel very lucky to have them and I wouldn't change a thing.

mumps

I have just thought of something from my childhood. I went to a Catholic inner city school. Most of us were first generation born in England. It was a poor area, lots of crime and poverty. Our school was low achieving. The Bishop moved some nuns in as teachers. They were tough, they expected alot of us but they let us know that we could do it. Make a presentation to the Bishop? Well I did that when I was about 9, I was scared but with a new dress, polished shoes and well rehearsed by Sister I carried it off. We were treated with respect unless we lost the right and then we were punished.

libra10

I think that through the necessity of women needing to work these days, there is a greater expectation for grandparents to provide childcare for their grandchildren.

When my two children were young I did basic part-time jobs in the evening and my husband was there for the children.

When my own three grandchildren were younger, I used to care for them two or three days a week, and found it quite tiring.

Although they're the greatest children, I realised that by the time my daughter collected them I was exhausted! My granddaughter chattered all day non-stop and argued with her elder brother over the smallest things. Nothing seemed to distract her.

My tolerance levels and energy had depleted considerably since my own children were younger, and although I hate to admit it, was glad when we had the house to ourselves again.

Maybe some grandparents would prefer to have more 'me' time, rather than being expected to care for young children again.

Not in every case, but in some.

seven-day-weekend

Mado wrote: »

So, if you've observed it, and it doesn't make the children better behaved, how do you come up with your conclusion? :think:
I think that many Brits , possibly exemplified by your attitude, simply have no time for children at all and abide by the 'seen but not heard' views.

I don't impose arbitrary rules on my children; I talk to them and explain why we have certain rules and the amazing thing is that they generally understand very well and are much more likely to obey what they understand. Yes, they've had the odd tantrums when little too, but, on the whole, they are well behaved.

TBH, I think the difference is that Spanish families give their children time. There are boundaries, however, the children know, for example, that when they are out for a meal they have to sit with the family and not race around like mad things. They are also very much members of the extended family and that understand they are neither more, nor less, important than great-grandma, who they treat with the utmost respect. They are given boundaries and do not expect to be the centre of attention all the time. They fit in.

I think here we give our children plenty of 'stuff', but not enough time and an attitude that they are the most important member of the family.

Dunroamin

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

TBH, I think the difference is that Spanish families give their children time. There are boundaries, however, the children know, for example, that when they are out for a meal they have to sit with the family and not race around like mad things. They are also very much members of the extended family and that understand they are neither more, nor less, important than great-grandma, who they treat with the utmost respect. They are given boundaries and do not expect to be the centre of attention all the time. They fit in.
.

That's very much what I've observed in France as well - children are expected to be part of the meal but on adult terms, not handed toys, colouring books etc and certainly not running around. In fact, it seems to me that children spend a lot of their time watching adults when at the table, obviously watching and learning how to behave.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm going to stick my head over the parapet and say that I do think that many young children are allowed to behave much worse than they used to be. (Not all, obviously.)

What a radical opinion, never heard that one before.

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

These car stickers you see that say 'cheeky monkey on board' - I always interpret that to mean 'badly behaved and undisciplined little scroat in the back seat'.

So much for 'suffer the little children'.

Mado

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think here we give our children plenty of 'stuff', but not enough time and an attitude that they are the most important member of the family.

I don't disagree with that bit.
Which is why I really don't see why children should give up their seat on publc transport for anyone on the basis that that other person is an adult ( and at what age does it start).
Also, on crowded public transport, the adults are much more likely to squash the smaller people.

Dunroamin wrote: »

That's very much what I've observed in France as well - children are expected to be part of the meal but on adult terms, not handed toys, colouring books etc and certainly not running around. In fact, it seems to me that children spend a lot of their time watching adults when at the table, obviously watching and learning how to behave.

I think the secret is that the adults talk to them rather than treat the kids as little scroats.

System

My Mom was far more lenient with my kids than she was with me.