grandparents finding grandchildren difficult

Lalaladybird

Does anyone else's parents find their children's behaviour difficult? Ie the grandparent finding their gradchildren difficult. My mum thinks my childrens behaviour is horrendous...I think it is just typical behaviour for their age eg my 2 year old got tired and was rolling on the floor being cranky and wouldn't get into her coat and shoes without a struggle, my mum said I let her control me and that I would have got a smack for such behaviour. Also she was scribbling over a colouring book and my mum wanted to put the book away until she knows how to do it properly but how does she learn if she can't scribble first? That sort of thing.

Who is right here? Apparantly I never behaved like this and if I did I would have been in trouble! I don't remember being smacked and have a good relationship with my mum.

meeps

my mum can't handle my incredibly well behaved 8 year old son because she 'doesn't do boys' as she had 3 girls.

I am sure you did behave similarly sometimes when you were that age but your mum may have rose tinted specs on - I'd make light of it, but if it bugs you then jovially turn it round to say your daughter is good as gold at home and you wonder why she only plays up at grandma's house..

However I disciplined my child at that age I would have cut him more slack if we were out visiting as he'd more likely be bored/tired/hungry and we'd want to get home and deal with it.

Mado

It sounds as if your mother has quite unrealsitic expectations!
I would never expect a 2 year old to be able to colour in nicely.


I know there are some things that my mother disapproves of with my children's behaviour; for example, I know she doesn't think their table manners are good enough. Meanwhile, my sister's kids have better table manners but are awfully fussy (whilst mine will eat everything on their plate and will not whinge in public).

I think that sometimes, some criticism can be helpful (even if at the time it isn't well received), if you can reflect on it in your own time and find a different approach.
At other times, just take it on the chin and ignore her; different generation, different methods. I would certainly not advocate smacking a tired 2 years old to get results.:eek:

sedment

As the mummy of a 3 and 6 year old, this sounds perfectly normal!! Think your mum is maybe having a selective memory. If anything in my house, my two are well behaved at my mums and play up at home!!

Mortgage_Reduction_Novice

Can you challenge you Mum in an asking advice manner? For example ask how she would 'deal' with the coat situation - if she can't come up with a decent approach to take in that situation it'll make her realise she's carping about nothing!

custardy

My mother in law struggles with our 4 year old
He is pretty well behaved for a 4 year old IMO. perhaps he acts up more for her or its an age thing
I wonder if your mum is simply older and has a memory of how things were,rather than how they actually were

peachyprice

I think grandparents see their own parenting years through rose coloured spectacles and only remember the good things about us. The bad thnings seem to drift from their memory

moomoomama27

My mother has selective memory, I just humour her when she says something because I'm sure her memory is failing, sounds perfectly normal behaviour from a 2 yr old! Infact sounds like better behaviour than my tantruming teen yesterday over her coat, we almost had a full blown floor moment as apparently she's gone off it and thinks that's reason for a new one!

ognum

peachyprice wrote: »

I think grandparents see their own parenting years through rose coloured spectacles and only remember the good things about us. The bad thnings seem to drift from their memory

Wow, this is a very sweeping statement. I am a grandmother of one grandchild, both my husband and I say that our son and his wife are great parents and probably better than we ever were!!!

Lalaladybird

ognum wrote: »

Wow, this is a very sweeping statement. I am a grandmother of one grandchild, both my husband and I say that our son and his wife are great parents and probably better than we ever were!!!

Your son and his wife are very lucky to get such a nice compliment. I think peachyprice was trying to be supportive of my situation which can be quite unpleasant. I would love it if my parents adored my children and thought I was an amazing mum!

maman

meeps wrote: »

However I disciplined my child at that age I would have cut him more slack if we were out visiting as he'd more likely be bored/tired/hungry and we'd want to get home and deal with it.

I can't agree with that bit. I've always expected a higher standard of behaviour when out of the home. Isn't that what we do even as adults?

I think if the level of behaviour this grandparent is complaining about is as described, especially the colouring book, then I think she's OTT. You have to choose what to focus on with children and you can't be picking them up on every little thing. If it was a special storybook she was destroying then that's different. Personally I'd just explain wy you're letting her scribble and leave it at that. The tantrum thing is slightly different. You can either scoop them up or go for distraction or just let them burn out. I might go for the first if I was trying to leave someone else's house but you have to choose.

As a grandparent myself I often disapprove of some of my DGDs behaviour but I keep my lips tightly closed unless I have them on my own.

My DGD2 had dreadful table manners and openly manipulates her mother to get her own way but I wouldn't dream of saying so particularly in front of the child. My DD knows my views on parenting I don't need to repeat them she just chooses the easy way out. DGD2's behaviour is fine with us when her mum's not around it's as if she knows we won't put up with it. DGD1 is a teenager and she can be every bit as sulky and stubborn as her mother was at that age. If DD1 ever complains to me I just smile ruefully.