grandparents finding grandchildren difficult

Mado

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm afraid that, to me, that just says it all.

It's quite interesting you should say that; we've travelled quite extensively and I clearly remember being in the metro of various cities ( south America and eastern Europe mainly) where adults offered their seats to my children.
Clearly, other cultures love children a little more.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Small children can sit on your lap so an adult can sit down. Older ones, imho, should give their seat up for an adult. It is a sign of respect

Respect is earned.
Being an adult doesn't entitle you to it in any way. And I've certainly seen quite a few extremely rude older folks.
Children, past the age of sitting on your lap get tired.

seven-day-weekend

Mado wrote: »

It's quite interesting you should say that; we've travelled quite extensively and I clearly remember being in the metro of various cities ( south America and eastern Europe mainly) where adults offered their seats to my children.
Clearly, other cultures love children a little more.
Respect is earned.
Being an adult doesn't entitle you to it in any way. And I've certainly seen quite a few extremely rude older folks.
Children, past the age of sitting on your lap get tired.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this.

Mado

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We'll have to agree to disagree on this.

Disagree on what exactly?

The fact that children can get tired too?
The fact that in other countries, it is apparently normal for children to sit on public transport if nobody has greater needs?
Or the fact that being a adult does not entitles you to respect?

Abbafan1972

I would always make my children give up their seat on the bus if it was packed and there was someone that needed it more.

There is definitely a lack of discipline with kids these days. Mine will get a telling off whether it's in the supermarket or wherever. I would smack them if it's something really bad, but that doesn't happen very often. I just ignore people that tell me I shouldn't smack them, parents these days are way too soft. And because teachers aren't allowed to touch the kids anymore, discipline in schools has gone to pot as well.

My Mom and Dad are good with my kids, but they are softer than me and they get more treats there. Also, for a time my Mom didn't have a clue on bringing up 2 kids, as I'm an only child, she was only ever used to having one. As a result, she's come up with some stupid ideas on parenting, one particular thing was when she was going to buy gifts for both of them on one of the birthdays (their birthdays are November and March), I didn't want them growing up thinking that they would both get presents even when it wasn't their birthday, plus it would be expensive. They have to learn that they only get birthday gifts on their own birthday, I had to nip that one in the bud straight away!

seven-day-weekend

Mado wrote: »

Disagree on what exactly?

The fact that children can get tired too?
The fact that in other countries, it is apparently normal for children to sit on public transport if nobody has greater needs?
Or the fact that being a adult does not entitles you to respect?

I didn't really want to discuss it, but I meant that children should give up their seat for an adult. Just because they are children and they have to learn that, contrary to what they might think, their needs are not always going to be put before everybody else's.

zaksmum

Mado wrote: »

And why on Earth should they?????
I used to let my children sit in public transport whislt standing myself, as they did get tired after a day out and/ or would be less capable of standing still.
My teenagers would no longer be given preferential treatment, but I would still let my 10 yo sit down if we've had a busy day or had to do a lt of standing already.
Adults can stand perfectly well. I would expect them to give up a seat for an elderly person or a clearly pregnant one or someone with young children, but no more.

I would never allow my child or grandchild to remain seated while I stood!:eek: Or indeed while any adult needed a seat. It's just basic good manners for a child to offer their seat to an adult. I'm amazed anybody thinks otherwise.

mumps

Mado wrote: »

It's quite interesting you should say that; we've travelled quite extensively and I clearly remember being in the metro of various cities ( south America and eastern Europe mainly) where adults offered their seats to my children.
Clearly, other cultures love children a little more.

I remember this in eastern europe as well, in fact they didn't just offer they insisted. I spoke to a man about it, he was explaining that it was normal and I said in my country it was the other way round. He was amazed and said they felt children were not as stable if the bus braked hard and could hurt themselves or others so it was safer if they sat. There was also a stampede of helpers to get the buggy on the bus,almost fighting for the honour.

I was queuing for icecream one day, famous east european queues pre 1990 and had a one year old in my arms. I was suddenly being pushed and pulled and thought I was being attacked but no I was being pushed to the front of the queue.

The interesting thing was this did not make the children brats, they were lovely kids and well behaved and a world where they were considered did not mean they weren't expected to behave.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

I remember this in eastern europe as well, in fact they didn't just offer they insisted. I spoke to a man about it, he was explaining that it was normal and I said in my country it was the other way round. He was amazed and said they felt children were not as stable if the bus braked hard and could hurt themselves or others so it was safer if they sat. There was also a stampede of helpers to get the buggy on the bus,almost fighting for the honour.

I was queuing for icecream one day, famous east european queues pre 1990 and had a one year old in my arms. I was suddenly being pushed and pulled and thought I was being attacked but no I was being pushed to the front of the queue.

The interesting thing was this did not make the children brats, they were lovely kids and well behaved and a world where they were considered did not mean they weren't expected to behave.

Yes, I found the same in Spain too (where I lived for eight years). It's always been a puzzle to me that it does not seem to work with UK children, but it doesn't. They DO turn into brats!

mumps

zaksmum wrote: »

I would never allow my child or grandchild to remain seated while I stood!:eek: Or indeed while any adult needed a seat. It's just basic good manners for a child to offer their seat to an adult. I'm amazed anybody thinks otherwise.

In our culture but that doesn't mean it is the same everywhere and as I said above in countries where children are treated in this way they seem to behave better not worse. Well that was my observation but obviously it was a few years ago.

I have often put two of my children on a bus seat and stood next to them you might have thought it was wrong but there might have been reasons you know nothing about for example one of my children had several operations as a child and if he had not long had stitches out or casts off I would not have risked him standing on a bus. As far as I was concerned they were sharing my seat and the reasons were nothing to do with anyone else. When they got older I would have flayed them if they hadn't offered someone a seat be it someone older, a pregnant woman or a young child.

Mado

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, I found the same in Spain too (where I lived for eight years). It's always been a puzzle to me that it does not seem to work with UK children, but it doesn't.

So, if you've observed it, and it doesn't make the children better behaved, how do you come up with your conclusion? :think:
I think that many Brits , possibly exemplified by your attitude, simply have no time for children at all and abide by the 'seen but not heard' views.

I don't impose arbitrary rules on my children; I talk to them and explain why we have certain rules and the amazing thing is that they generally understand very well and are much more likely to obey what they understand. Yes, they've had the odd tantrums when little too, but, on the whole, they are well behaved.