Adult daughter expecting us to lend money

ajgrist

FATBALLZ wrote: »

I agree it's irrelevant, however despite this you mentioned it in the 3rd sentence of your OP. I don't know your motivation for posting it, but it could be interpreted as playing the sympathy card without fully disclosing the facts. It does get a bit frustrating when people post about being low income but neglecting to mention they get thousands in welfare payments

Fair enough, but I don't think we are on a low income. We both work part time in jobs we love. I was just annoyed that my daughter who has alot more disposable income than us wants us to sub her.

Treevo

ajgrist wrote: »

Fair enough, but I don't think we are on a low income. We both work part time in jobs we love. I was just annoyed that my daughter who has alot more disposable income than us wants us to sub her.

She has more disposable income than you because she works more than you. Without subsidy.

I take your point that her expecting you to sub her is not on but I don't really have much sympathy for you considering your daughter is paying her share from her earnings and you're paying yours from money from the government.

ajgrist

Treevo wrote: »

She has more disposable income than you because she works more than you. Without subsidy.

I take your point that her expecting you to sub her is not on but I don't really have much sympathy for you considering your daughter is paying her share from her earnings and you're paying yours from money from the government.

I am not going into my financial details anymore on here. You do not know our circumstances and you have no right to judge.

Primrose

If you continue to "sub" your daughter, you'll just be condoning her bad financial management. However hard she pleads, she needs to learn to live within her income. Is she spending money on things that are "nice to have" rather than "must have for survival".
She's had a few months of having money rather than having to go without but needs to realise the party is now over. This period will be a defining moment in the way she handles her financial affairs for the rest of her earning life so she needs to adopt some financial disciplines which will see her through. This means some tough love on your part.

Bella73

Goodness I do find some comments a bit harsh. It doesn't matter what income the parents have at the end of they day, are they expected to sub their adult daughter for life. I had moved out at 19 so had to learn to budget the hard way. At least if you stop subbing her now she can learn to live within her means whilst still having the security of a roof over her head.

It will be hard but she must do a budget plan to pay off her overdraft or it will just spiral.

Good luck Bella

emsywoo123

So you charge her £220 pm, and you split it between 5 of you, therefore your outgoings are £1100.

You and OH "earn" £11,000.

Is the above correct?

And before you get narked about people talking about your money, I think the point it that a) you posted it on the internet and b) perhaps there is more than meets the eye. 2 sides to every story and all that.

ajgrist

emsywoo123 wrote: »

So you charge her £220 pm, and you split it between 5 of you, therefore your outgoings are £1100.

You and OH "earn" £11,000.

Is the above correct?

And before you get narked about people talking about your money, I think the point it that a) you posted it on the internet and b) perhaps there is more than meets the eye. 2 sides to every story and all that.

Yes that is correct, that figure does not include any benefits we get for the rest of the family. I think the problem has I have been too open about how much me and my hubby earn. We do not have any money problems, we live within our means. I just wanted advice about how to deal with my daughter wanting us to sub her. Maybe I should have never mentioned our earnings.

maman

ajgrist wrote: »

I am not going into my financial details anymore on here. You do not know our circumstances and you have no right to judge.

That's absolutely your right but you asked advice and have had it based on the situation as you presented it. We now realise that the situation isn't exactly as you told us. I realise that there may be good reasons why you work part time and top up our income with benefits. However, while almost everyone is agreed that your adult daughter needs to learn financial lessons it's maybe a bit difficult for her to understand that she has a fixed income but you can top yours up from the taxpayer.

I'm sure if you came on here and said we don't need the money but 'how do you think we should treat out daughter when she needs a sub?', you'd have had similar answers about learning financial lessons but maybe a bit less harsh. I've read similar threads about adult children and have been in that situation myself. I didn't ask for a penny in 'keep' from my DDs, we didn't need it, but as soon as they were able they started saving any spare money for house deposits etc. If they hadn't I might have invented a need for 'keep' and saved it for them. We all find our own ways of doing tings.

All I'm saying is you weren't entirely honest with your financial situation (which is your choice on a message board) but maybe your DD realises this too which is why she's finding it hard to take. You told us that she's had a hard time when she was younger maybe she's looking for a bit more slack.

ajgrist

maman wrote: »

That's absolutely your right but you asked advice and have had it based on the situation as you presented it. We now realise that the situation isn't exactly as you told us. I realise that there may be good reasons why you work part time and top up our income with benefits. However, while almost everyone is agreed that your adult daughter needs to learn financial lessons it's maybe a bit difficult for her to understand that she has a fixed income but you can top yours up from the taxpayer.

I'm sure if you came on here and said we don't need the money but 'how do you think we should treat out daughter when she needs a sub?', you'd have had similar answers about learning financial lessons but maybe a bit less harsh. I've read similar threads about adult children and have been in that situation myself. I didn't ask for a penny in 'keep' from my DDs, we didn't need it, but as soon as they were able they started saving any spare money for house deposits etc. If they hadn't I might have invented a need for 'keep' and saved it for them. We all find our own ways of doing tings.

All I'm saying is you weren't entirely honest with your financial situation (which is your choice on a message board) but maybe your DD realises this too which is why she's finding it hard to take. You told us that she's had a hard time when she was younger maybe she's looking for a bit more slack.

I asked for advice on how to deal with my daughter asking for subs, when she is earning what I consider a decent wage. What income/ benefits we have is irrelevant. My mistake was to mention our earnings in my first post. Lesson learnt. Thanks everyone for the advice.

gayleanne

She is on to a good thing here, and isn't learning any lessons, I think it is the best thing you could have done for her. you are on 11,000 and out of yours you have to pay rent or morgage, gas, electricity, water, food, plus other household bills, she is getting 13,000 and all she pays out to cover herself is 2,640 a year, for everything. she needs a kick up the ar** and you have just delivered one, let her stew. or let her move out, and see where she gets for 13,000 a year.