Adult daughter expecting us to lend money

ajgrist

lilymay1 wrote: »

Hmm, so the typical 19 year old then. I'm sure she feels like having £13k makes her a millionaire if, as you say, she grew up with very little.

I really feel for you, it must be a difficult situation to be in, but as others have said you really need to start giving her some tough love. The fact she has the gaul to ask for money when she earns more than you combined speaks volumes I'm afraid.

Up her rent to £500 a month and put the extra in a savings account. If she can't save her own money you should do it for her!

Edit: Just out of interest, who pays her car insurance/tax/MOT etc et?

She pays for car insurance/ tax/ mot. She does have a secret fund for emergency repairs, she knows nothing about this. We sold her the car for £500 more than it was worth and put this to one side.

Bella73

ajgrist wrote: »

Thanks for all the suggestions. I think the main problem is she doesn't see she has a problem. I offer to sit down and go through her finances and she says no way. I am hoping these are just teething problems she has never had this amount of money before, she works hard 5 days a week. She just needs to learn to make her money last the month not 2 weeks! She always pays us back on payday. She never borrows more than £100 a month. I am just frustrated that she even asks to borrow money of me and her dad when she earns more!

I know this is going to sound a bit daft but have you actually told her she earns more? Does she realise how expensive all the household bills are? Maybe now as an adult you should write down how much your household bills are and what her third "should" be so she realises that you are already subbing her as I feel you must be as I would love to only pay out £220 a month on all my bills :rotfl:

ajgrist

Bella73 wrote: »

I know this is going to sound a bit daft but have you actually told her she earns more? Does she realise how expensive all the household bills are? Maybe now as an adult you should write down how much your household bills are and what her third "should" be so she realises that you are already subbing her as I feel you must be as I would love to only pay out £220 a month on all my bills :rotfl:

We did sit down and show her when she started earning, we split the household bills into 5 as there are five of us. This is how we came to the odd figure of £220. I will look at this again to make sure she is paying a fair amount.

Tigsteroonie

ajgrist wrote: »

I think the main problem is she doesn't see she has a problem. I offer to sit down and go through her finances and she says no way.

In which case there's a simple answer to the request for a loan - "no way". If she wants the money, she has to learn to swallow her pride and take the advice that is being offered.

balletshoes

ajgrist wrote: »

We did sit down and show her when she started earning, we split the household bills into 5 as there are five of us. This is how we came to the odd figure of £220. I will look at this again to make sure she is paying a fair amount.

that sounds fair to me - but I still say stop subbing her. I remember being that age and just having all my money (except board) to spend on me . It was great - but I knew there was no way on earth I'd be getting a sub from my parents if I ran out of money towards the end of the month.

DavidF

I was like your daughter when I started earning decent wages. Parents couldn't help me out though so I was "poor" for 1 week per month lol. My dad used to tell me I was living a champagne lifestyle on beer wages lol. He was of course totally correct. Basically I just grew out of it when I realised I was being a bit of an idiot lol. I had friends earning half what I was and similar essential outgoings who all managed to budget their cash to last until payday and even save....Think when I realised this I changed my silly ways. Good luck to you and your daughter....at least she is working and earning.

Treevo

How are your household bills more than you earn? Seems like you're making a profit out of your daughter.

tesuhoha

Firstly, I am sympathetic towards you due to your income. It must be very tough.

However, in a way I disagree with the majority of the posters on here. It sounds like your daughter has had it somewhat tough too and maybe she should be cut some slack. She has done very well to get herself a job but £13,000 is not that much and perhaps after not having much in the way of material possessions she has to kit herself out with clothes for work and other things. She is very young and so maybe she should be allowed her carefree way of life for a while. Life soon becomes full of worry, debt and responsibility. Let her have some fun while she is a teenager with a bit of money in her pocket. She probably won't get another chance.

I would lend her the money but stress it is the very last time you do this. Tell her she has to manage her cash from now on. I would also encourage her to take out a savings account and put a regular amount away each month when she gets paid.

The amount she pays you seems quite fair to me. After all, she is your young daughter, not your lodger.

Treevo

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She's young. She's only quite recently started to earn her own money, so she hasn't learned the virtues of planning, budgeting and saving. She needs to be helped to learn before she squanders everything she earns, always.

If I had the spends to offer her a loan for a bus-pass, then that is what I would do and no more. What you do now could affect her attitude to spending and planning, possibly for the rest of her life.

To be honest, even though she's only just started working, I think she has a damned cheek to expect you to bail her out when she earns more than the two of you combined. I'm also surprised that on only £13k pr annum she expects to be able to run a car at all but then she's only paying you £220 a month for her keep. Maybe you should increase it to something more realistic?

Why do you think it's wrong for the daughter to run a car but not her parents who are on less money?

I'd be interested to know what you consider more realistic 'keep' than her share of the household bills? Should she be paying more than her share? Maybe she should be paying all the bills in your mind?

lilymay1

tesuhoha wrote: »

Firstly, I am sympathetic towards you due to your income. It must be very tough.

However, in a way I disagree with the majority of the posters on here. It sounds like your daughter has had it somewhat tough too and maybe she should be cut some slack. She has done very well to get herself a job but £13,000 is not that much and perhaps after not having much in the way of material possessions she has to kit herself out with clothes for work and other things. She is very young and so maybe she should be allowed her carefree way of life for a while. Life soon becomes full of worry, debt and responsibility. Let her have some fun while she is a teenager with a bit of money in her pocket. She probably won't get another chance.

I would lend her the money but stress it is the very last time you do this. Tell her she has to manage her cash from now on. I would also encourage her to take out a savings account and put a regular amount away each month when she gets paid.

The amount she pays you seems quite fair to me. After all, she is your young daughter, not your lodger.

This sort of attitude is the reason a huge number of 'young' people reach adulthood totally unable to function.

Not having material goods doesn't mean her daughter had it 'tough' whilst growing up. By the sounds of it she has 2 loving parents who care about their daughters future - that is worth more than any amount of money.

She is not 'very young' as you put it - she's 19 and a grown adult. She takes responsibility for her own life, and that of her friends, every time she get's behind the steering wheel so I fail to see why she should still be mollycoddled like a child. Lending her money, yet again, will only exacerbate the problem further.

Christ. If her own parents don't teach her to budget she has no chance.