Adult daughter expecting us to lend money

ajgrist

Ok I need advice, a bit of background info first.
Daughter earns £13,000 a year. We earn jointly £11,000. She pays us £220 a month board/rent. She has a car to run, a mobile phone contract but no other debts. Recently she took a £900 overdraft. She gets paid monthly and towards the end of the month she wants us to sub her money. This time I have said no, she is in tears saying she can't afford to get to work tomorrow and she will lose her job!
We have said we will buy her a bus pass to last this week, and she can pay us back when she gets paid. She wants money so she can put petrol in her car, we said no because we can't trust her not to do unnecessary journeys and come back in two days time wanting more money.
My question is have we done the right thing and has anyone got any better ideas?

go_cat

I would be asking for a detailed list of what she is spending the money on before lending some

Get her to fill in the statement of affairs on MSE

If she is spending it frivilously (SP) then the answer would be No!

balletshoes

you said "this time" you haven't subbed her. So is this a fairly regular occurrence?

I think you've done the right thing, it sounds like she's always just expected you to bail her out at the end of the month, and you've given her an alternative this time, its not like you're saying no to any help, you're giving her a bus pass.

Mojisola

ajgrist wrote: »

My question is have we done the right thing and has anyone got any better ideas?

Yes. And you need to keep on saying no.

Sit down with her and get her to do a SOA - you may be able to see immediately where she can reduce spending. The good people on the Debt Free Board will also give her good advice.

caeler

Of course you have done the right thing! She earns more than you! There are many ways of getting work, she could even ask a friend/colleague to get to work! She needs a wake up call so she learns to make her money last and loose the expectation that Mum and Dad will just sort it out if money doesn't quite last. A word of warning just keep watch on how she resolves things, a pay day loan could turn into a spiral or actually not going to work and ending up actually loosing the job. You may well decide to step in one last time but she needs to understand.

Mint1955

You have don't the right thing. She has to budget her money I am just pleased you are getting some rent from her.

Tigsteroonie

If you wanted to be a little more generous "this time" then you could sub her the money to put fuel in the car once but tell her that if the petrol doesn't last the week, then her only option is to take the additional sub for bus pass/tickets (i.e. no further petrol money). But I'd consider that generous - personally, I think offering to buy a bus pass is sufficient

Have you considered getting your own back? Seeing as your income in less, trying asking for a sub from her at the start of the month (after she gets paid)

As someone else says, keep an eye on it, watch out for the payday loans.

ajgrist

Mojisola wrote: »

Yes. And you need to keep on saying no.

Sit down with her and get her to do a SOA - you may be able to see immediately where she can reduce spending. The good people on the Debt Free Board will also give her good advice.

Thats the problem she doesn't seem to think she has a problem, she refuses to even discuss it. She justs begs me for money and cries and storms off if she doesn't get any!

Sagz_2

I think your idea of a weeks bus pass is good, but it has to be made clear that this is the last time you bail her out.

Offer to sit down with her and go through a budget so she gets to grips with her spending.

Sagz_2

ajgrist wrote: »

Thats the problem she doesn't seem to think she has a problem, she refuses to even discuss it. She justs begs me for money and cries and storms off if she doesn't get any!

Well it works so she'll keep doing it!

Tough love is what's needed to get her to grow up a little x

[Deleted User]

I think you are doing the right thing.

You need to stand your ground & keep saying no, she will then learn that she needs to make her money last rather than knowing she can just have a tantrum then you will give her what she wants.

I am speaking from experience here my brother who is 41 & has his own family still does this to my mum & she now is too far in to feel that she can say no.

Nip it in the bud now.

Dxxx