Adult daughter expecting us to lend money

ajgrist

19lottie82 wrote: »

Do you or your OH drive? If so would one of you be able to drop her and collect her from work next week? (I take it you don't both work ft if you only earn 11k combined)

Obv not ideal or a long term solution but it means that you will be able to help her, while showing her that you won't hand over money whenever you are guilt tripped.

We do drive but my husband uses the car for his job and he is doing f/t this week and I use public transport to get to my job.

pollypenny

Stick to your guns - she has to budget.

We made the mistake of not taking money we had lent DD back - it was offered initially. She's still hopeless with money and we have to help her.

lilymay1

So she's taking home just shy of £1000 a month and is giving you £220. What the hell is she spending £750 on every month? Is she driving a ferrari?!

There's no way I would take behavior like that from a 19 year old. If I had ever spoken like that to my parents they'd have packed my bags for me...

ajgrist

lilymay1 wrote: »

So she's taking home just shy of £1000 a month and is giving you £220. What the hell is she spending £750 on every month? Is she driving a ferrari?!

There's no way I would take behavior like that from a 19 year old. If I had ever spoken like that to my parents they'd have packed my bags for me...

She wastes money on clothes, junk food, alcohol and petrol? Running friends around making unnecessary journeys. She also buys her lunch everyday ( tesco express, subway etc). She runs a six year old car.
(Just re-read what I wrote, to make it clear she does not drink and drive)

zzzLazyDaisy

ajgrist wrote: »

She also buys her lunch everyday ( tesco express, subway etc).

So if she uses her sandwich money to put petrol in her car, and you provide the bread and jam for her to make her own sandwiches, she should be able to get through till payday?

lilymay1

ajgrist wrote: »

She wastes money on clothes, junk food, alcohol and petrol? Running friends around making unnecessary journeys. She also buys her lunch everyday ( tesco express, subway etc). She runs a six year old car.
(Just re-read what I wrote, to make it clear she does not drink and drive)

Hmm, so the typical 19 year old then. I'm sure she feels like having £13k makes her a millionaire if, as you say, she grew up with very little.

I really feel for you, it must be a difficult situation to be in, but as others have said you really need to start giving her some tough love. The fact she has the gaul to ask for money when she earns more than you combined speaks volumes I'm afraid.

Up her rent to £500 a month and put the extra in a savings account. If she can't save her own money you should do it for her!

Edit: Just out of interest, who pays her car insurance/tax/MOT etc et?

thorsoak

The Bank of Mum and Dad has to close now!

ajgrist

Thanks for all the suggestions. I think the main problem is she doesn't see she has a problem. I offer to sit down and go through her finances and she says no way. I am hoping these are just teething problems she has never had this amount of money before, she works hard 5 days a week. She just needs to learn to make her money last the month not 2 weeks! She always pays us back on payday. She never borrows more than £100 a month. I am just frustrated that she even asks to borrow money of me and her dad when she earns more!

Bella73

Maybe you could suggest to her that she sells her car, the insurance alone is probably a huge amount of her income each month.

She is obviously able to get to work on the bus so maybe that could be her way forward, plus I really think she should be making her own lunch, maybe advise her how much she is actually spending on that too as she probably doesn't realise.

Trying to be kind here, I remember getting my first wages and thinking I was rich (I wasn't) and got in a money muddle, sorted now and easy for us all to say she should be able to manage but she obviously isn't managing and I think to be honest you are helping in the wrong way, it is much fairer in the long term for you to you say no and yes I think you have done the right thing by offering a bus pass only.

BitterAndTwisted

She's young. She's only quite recently started to earn her own money, so she hasn't learned the virtues of planning, budgeting and saving. She needs to be helped to learn before she squanders everything she earns, always.

If I had the spends to offer her a loan for a bus-pass, then that is what I would do and no more. What you do now could affect her attitude to spending and planning, possibly for the rest of her life.

To be honest, even though she's only just started working, I think she has a damned cheek to expect you to bail her out when she earns more than the two of you combined. I'm also surprised that on only £13k pr annum she expects to be able to run a car at all but then she's only paying you £220 a month for her keep. Maybe you should increase it to something more realistic?