Seeing a relative after they have passed away (LONG)

janiebaby29

wow , what a lot of lovely posts . it seems death is still a taboo subject and we really dont talk enough about what we really want .
I.ve decided to write a letter for my wishes to be taken into account when i die , hopefully taking away the pain and agony that relatives have to go though .my sis and i took my dads boys brigade outfit down on monday, and i had to smile as mum had packed dads underpants !!!
i''m hoping she doesnt expect me to check he has those on. !!!
the day is drawing nearer , and i will see him tommorrow as the funeral is on friday . its gonna be hard that one ,as family will ask me how he went , and we have 2 services , one at the church with well over 200 people and thats not including family , we will have our own private service after wards then back to the wake at the church hall.
i just pray that i have the strength to be strong to support my mum .

bloomin_freezing

Morning JB

Yep Friday seems to be coming round quicker doesn't it. In some ways I want it to never come and in others I need to get this over with, say my goodbyes and lay grandad to rest.

I'm dreading the funeral, I know I won't hold it together at all. We have arranged for a bagpiper to walk grandad into the creamatorium and then to play out as the curtains close (grandad was scottish), and even as I write this I have a lump in my throat. Don't get me wrong the piper will be a lovely tribute, but heart renching also.

I'm sticking with my decision to not see him tomorrow but as I said I will be taking some things to go with him.

I will be thinking of you on friday. I know you need to be strong for your mum, but think of yourself also (hard I know).

I hope everything goes well, is that the right thing to say? I don't know but you knkow what I mean hopefully.

xxx

janiebaby29

i'm so with you on the wanting to get it over with bit but not wanting friday to come . i'm welling up at the bagpipes , its always been a heartstirring sound to me .
hang on in there BF, we will get through it some how.

miss_edith

I lost my grandad very suddenly last year and saw him in the hospital. I thought that would be enough but the thought of him being carted from the emergency to the mortuary to the post mortem and on to the funeral directers upset me so much that I decided to go to see him in the chapel of rest and it made me feel so much better. Seeing that he was ok and looked nice and peaceful was a weight off my mind and I was able to get through the funeral and let him go. I couldn't have done that without seeing him.
But things were a bit different for me because my boyfriend is the embalmer so I knew that he would take great care of my grandad and he was there for me when we went to see him. He also drove the hearse and was a bearer so it made things a little easier for me knowing that someone who cared so much for me was looking after my grandad every step of the way.
But if you're not sure whether to see him or not it might help to speak to someone at the funeral directors, the embalmer if possible, and tell them your concerns. They are considerate people, they have to be to do the job. From time to time my boyfriend does talk to relatives and helps them to decide whether to view or not. Its better than making a decision you might regret.
Hope that helps a little.

janiebaby29

its nice to know that there are caring people in the undertakers business .
it must be such a hard job though

Queenie

janiebaby29 & bloomin freezing

Will be thinking of you both tomorrow and Friday.

You won't get *over* it; you can't hide *under* it; but ...


... you will get *through* it!!

((heartfelt hugs)) x

janiebaby29

well i did go in the end as it was ok really , mum and my daughter came as well.
he did look peaceful , but was not like how i remember him .
but he did pass away 2 weeks ago .
i told him that i would see him on the other side and that i love him .
i'm glad i went and dont regret it at all

Poppy9

You were in my thoughts today. I like this saying:

'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning'

janiebaby29

Poppy9 wrote: »

You were in my thoughts today. I like this saying:

'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning'

that is so spooky , when my dad was in hospital , my mum kept drawing pictures of butterflies wanted him to be free .
i have written that down and will give to my mum in a few days

lil_me

janiebaby29 & bloomin freezing will be thinking of you both.