7.5 months pregnant & rudely refused a seat on the train!

Metranil_Vavin

I got on a train at Clapham Junction at about 8 months pregnant, and actually watched a youngish man watching me get on through the window, and as I boarded the train and moved down the carriage to the priority seats, shut his eyes very quickly and spend the next 2 stops (till he got off) pretending to be asleep.

As he was only going 2 further stops anyway, it wouldn't have been any great hardship for him to let me sit down (in the priority seat he was occupying), but hey ho..there's a lot of ar5eholes about!

codemonkey

I commute by train everyday and if its busy and there's a visibly pregnant lady standing near me, I offer my seat. Same as I do for older people, or people struggling with toddlers or babies or a disabled person. Pregnant women are not mentioned on the priority sign though but as it doesn't look especially comfortable, they can have my seat. Standing for 20 minutes won't do me much harm and if I can make someone else's day a tiny bit better , then why not?

Having said that, if they were impolite and demanded my seat (not saying you did OP, but its happened before), then they can stand and I will happily while away the rest of the journey sending ugly baby vibes their way.

There does seem to be a serious lack of consideration on public transport though. I've been shoved and pushed getting on and off the train.The amount of people I see who don't move their bag from the seat when it's busy or the parents who sit there with a child taking up a seat when it could be in their lap, thus freeing up a seat and potentially letting another person on drives me crazy. I actually saw two people with their baby in a buggy taking up 6 seats with their stuff, despite the fact that the train was busy and people were standing. They just sat stuffing their faces with crisps, shooting smug looks at the standing passengers.

OrkneyStar

codemonkey wrote: »

There does seem to be a serious lack of consideration on public transport though. I've been shoved and pushed getting on and off the train.The amount of people I see who don't move their bag from the seat when it's busy or the parents who sit there with a child taking up a seat when it could be in their lap, thus freeing up a seat and potentially letting another person on drives me crazy.

I hate the shoving too, people trying to push on before others are actually off- doesn't really make sense does it?
Also hate the bag thing.
Regarding the child issue, when DS was under 5 I'd consider having him on my lap, now he is over 5 it would simply be too uncomfortable to have him on my knee for more than about 5 minutes, so he needs a seat of his own. When we did use a buggy we tried to fold it or if not, then put it somewhere that it was not in the way. We also avoided rush hour if we were down in the city, though not so much an issue up here, thankfully!

codemonkey

Just to be clear, I did mean under 5s on the lap. But I've seen parents with very young children on the seat next to them while elderly people are standing. There are places for buggies on the train already so no need to fold.

OrkneyStar

codemonkey wrote: »

Just to be clear, I did mean under 5s on the lap. But I've seen parents with very young children on the seat next to them while elderly people are standing. There are places for buggies on the train already so no need to fold.

I didn't always find spaces on the train carriages (or on the bus if someone else in there already!), perhaps not getting on at the right bit, but you know what I mean, tried not to block seats etc.
Most under 5's can go on your lap, some cannot, or if you have more than one with you.....I get your drift though, exercise common sense and courtesy, within the space you have .

mysk_girl

If you have 2 under 5 it is more difficult, but I usually buy one child ticket to make sure I can reserve 2 seats. In the next few days I will have 3 under 5, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to fork out for 2 child's tickets (for children under 5) to make sure we can travel in comfort.

However, I have been asked to have both children on my lap so a "fare paying" adult can have the other seat, and when I tried to explain that my 3yo was in fact a fare payer, having her own ticket, getting abuse for that. I wouldn't be able to have both on my lap for a 4hr journey!

I do remember being on a very crowded train, and coping with both on my lap for a short while as I was the only one to offer a seat to a man with an ankle-mid thigh plaster cast!

choccybuttons

Im on my 3rd pregnancy and always took the bus to work. I would not ask anyone to give up their seat as they paid for ticket but I would hope someone would offer. If not I just stood as it would be just as rude to ask people to move on my behalf.

Fuzzy_Duck

newcook wrote: »

I know its probably more likely that she was just a rude little so-and-so but its possible they had tourettes

I don't think Tourettes works that way though. Swearing is a type of tic people with Tourettes may have, but it's completely random- they wouldn't look you in the eye and come out with a whole offensive sentence. It would most likely be one offensive word that pops out. I expect they'd be mortified and apologise as soon as they could too.

Anyway, the fact remains that she was was rude about it. As already discussed some people have disabilities/issues you can't see, and in those cases all she needed to say was, "I'm sorry, but I need this seat because___". You were right to ignore it- it's not worth responding to someone like that. At the least it would leave you feeling stressed and at the worst you might get physically assaulted.

It's not an excuse, but I do think a lot of us worry about offending people. I've offered my seat to pregnant women and elderly people before and not all will take it (although they have always thanked me nicely for asking them). Just because someone is what we consider elderly, does not mean they are frail/uneasy on their feet, and likewise some pregnant women have an easier time than others.

Personally I worry particularly with pregnancy because it's not always obvious if someone is pregnant or simply has a rounded tum! I once saw a girl who didn't have a bump from what I could see, but her feet looked awfully swollen and were hanging over her ballet pumps! As it happened there were spare seats, so I guessed she was getting off shortly or wasn't in the discomfort I thought she was by looking at her feet.

Another issue is that many people are in their own little world in the morning commute, whether that's reading a paper, playing on their phone, listening to music or shutting their eyes for a while. They aren't necessarily looking for someone who may need their seat, so it's best to ask. You might want to ask the conductor next time, as people are more likely to co-operate if asked by a member of staff and it saves you dealing with potentially difficult people.

Fuzzy_Duck

OrkneyStar wrote: »

I didn't always find spaces on the train carriages (or on the bus if someone else in there already!), perhaps not getting on at the right bit, but you know what I mean, tried not to block seats etc.
Most under 5's can go on your lap, some cannot, or if you have more than one with you.....I get your drift though, exercise common sense and courtesy, within the space you have .

This has reminded me of travelling on a coach once with my family- there were loads of people and many had tiny children with them sitting on their own seat. My parents made my brother and I sit on their laps- we were 14 and 16 years old at the time!

Del_Astra

OP - You think that is bad, just wait until the baby arrives and you have to use public transport with a pram.

I don't think you could do anything, say anything to this person, I would have moved to another carriage to be honest.

I recently had to insist a female on crutches take my seat on a packed bus, it looked like she had a broken ankle due to the cast on her foot, so I offered her my seat as it was standing room only. She refused but I got up anyway, I'm not going to stand when someone clearly has a greater need for it than me.

Some people were brought up to have manners and look out for others, some people weren't.

All the best for when baby arrives, enjoy.