7.5 months pregnant & rudely refused a seat on the train!

BAGGY

No one offered me a seat on a crowded tube when I was 7 mths pregnant with twins. Until an old lady with a stick offered her seat up and I said in a loud voice 'Absolutely not. I couldn't live with myself if you fell over' It was only then that people offered their chairs up. In their defence I didnt look pregnant form the back but was waddling like an elephant and couldnt see my feet. I looked like I had mobility problems if you didnt see my bump.
Being pregnant ISN'T a disability. But in the latter stages, it does throw your centre of balance off, and a shunting train is a blooming nightmare.

LannieDuck

There are some pretty awful opinions on this thread. Shame on those able to stand who wouldn't offer their seat to a heavily pregnant lady.

The OP approached someone sat in a priority seat - specially designated for those less able to stand (specifically including pregnant women). If the girl sat there already had an invisible illness, she only needed to say so. There was no need to be rude.

I agree that it can be hard to judge whether someone will beoffended by being offered a seat, but in this case the OP had asked. So no problem with that.

Being pregnant doesn't mean 'getting a sense of entitlement'. It can mean SPD or PGP (I had this - bl**dy painful), you lose your sense of balance because your centre of gravity has shifted, and standing for any length of time is surprisingly tiring. Plus of course the possible damage incurred if you're knocked over or pushed into a pole is much greater.

It would be nice not to have to use public transport when you're pregnant, but not always possible. Someone people can't 'start their maternity leave early' because they're already fighting the idea that pregnant women will take long 'career breaks', and they're trying to maintain some semblence of normal work. Others simply can't afford to start it early (if you start it early, it comes out of your post-birth paid entitlement) depending on what childcare arrangements they have for returning to work. And why should they have to start their leave early if they have a job that they're capable of doing when heavily pregnant (e.g. at a desk)? Public transport is there for everyone to use - or are only healthy young men allowed to use it (sorry to the elderly, disabled, or heavily pregnant - if you're more likely to need a seat, you aren't welcome)?

athina_2

Hi, thanks all for the replies and what a debate! I too am truly shocked by the number of people who things I am no more tired than the average person for carrying around an extra 12 kg. I don't believe I am "entitled" to a seat but I do believe I am in more need of a seat than I was before I got pregnant and 99% of people have the common decency to understand this.

For the record, if I am tired and want to sit, I have no problem going up to the person in the priority seat and asking "may I sit down please". It's fairly obvious I am pregnant as I am very petite everywhere else. I am not the person the wait and see if I am offered one as by the time I board the train, I am already tired from the uphill walk to the station and want to sit asap.

This is the very first time I've been told no, and it just happened to be in an extremely rude manner.

I started asking for a seat around 4 weeks ago, prior to this I was happy to stand but now I am more tired and weigh considerably more.

90% of the time when I am standing (out of choice), I get offered a seat, which I will decline.

I agree that she could have had a non visible disability but from her attitude, I don't think so.

heartbreak_star

Disclaimer: Most of the pregnant women I've met annoy me, because they do have a sense of entitlement. I even once saw a girl with no bump at all tell someone to get out of their seat because she needed it more.

However, I do have manners, and will always offer my seat to someone in need, for whatever reason. Unless they are rude. See above.

OP, there was no need for the girl to talk to you like that, especially seeing as you were polite

HBS x

Joons

Unfortunately we now live in a world where mutual respect for each other is all but disappeared so asking someone to give you a seat, whether pregnant or not doesn't necessarily get you what you want. What a rude person to respond like that, perhaps it was the way you asked, I don't know but don't ever assume everyone is nice in this world cos they certainly are not, you were unlucky, next time you probably won't have to ask as someone will offer it to you.

londonsurrey

Too many idiots about these days. I was in a seat on a bus, and an elderly lady came on. She wasn't just an older lady, she looked frail and really unsteady on her feet.

I got up. A blinged up young woman in her 20s sat in it.
It may be extreme, but some people really should be shot.

Lara44

Gosh, shocked by some of the opinions here. Sense of entitlement??? Are people really so bitter these days?

I'm happy to give my seat to anyone who looks like they need it more. If a pregnant woman asked me to give up my seat I would be mortified that I hadn't seen her and offered pre-emptively.

BAGGY

Honestly my bump was comical. I still had a really curvy waist from the back and a massive bump at the front. People were visably shocked when I turned around. :rotfl:(which was like an ocean liner doing a three point turn)
Is there any truth in carrying boys at the front?
I also had feet so fat that I had to wear flip flips in December! My feet used to squidge through crocs and ugg boots cut in. Happy Days.
I do think respect for other people has gone. It's such a shame.

cr1mson

I personally think this could be 6 of one half a dozen of the other

The OP should not have assumed that the person sitting in the seat was not sitting there for a reason (although sadly would guess highly likely didn't). In the event that two people have a claim on the priority seating the person who got there first is the one who should get it otherwise we get into ranking claims.

The person sitting in the priority seat should not have responded in such a foul mouthed manner.

However none of this offers a solution for the future. I would suggest a few things

1) If it happens again ask the conductor to find you a seat and let them doing the asking.

2) Check if the train company have any scheme for expectant mothers some you can apply for a Priority Seat Card iirc when I was pregnant with my son you were allowed to travel in First Class.

C

balletshoes

athina wrote: »

I am 7.5 months pregnant and asked for a seat on the train this morning.

I requested politely that I am 7.5 months pregnant to the young lady sitting in the priorty seat and was told "f*** off b****, I don't know you".

I was a little gobsmacked and didn't really have a good response. However the two people next to her immediately jumped up and offered me their seat.

What would be a good thing to say back next time should such as unfortunate situation arise again?

I wouldn't say anything - as any reaction in reply would possibly start off a full-scale argument with someone like that young lady.