Grandparents looking after grandchildren

valk_scot

notanewuser wrote: »

They'll all sleep in prams/buggies. DH's parents don't take either child to any play groups or swimming etc. (My 16 month old niece had never seen bubbles before my daughter's birthday party!!). I don't think there are any parks near them but they do walk them to the shops at nap time.

FIL hasn't much experience of childcare at all - he has, I believe, changed 2 nappies in the past 37 years. He wants them all walking at 8 months, talking at 12 and potty trained by 18 months else he thinks they are "behind". I seriously question whether his memories of his own 4 sons' infanthood are in any way accurate at all.

Both toddlers will sit on the floor and play with whatever they are given - whereas my daughter is a climbing, exploring monkey (and has always been). FIL thinks our daughter is a "child genius" because she does things the others aren't encouraged or allowed to think about doing. It saddens me, to be honest.

You're right that the others need to come to a solution themselves. But I can't help but worry what might happen if they attempt this harebrained scheme.

So basically your BILs/SILs are happy to have their children looked after in this unstimulating, educationally impoverished environment? Where they are strapped in a childseat or buggy for almost the entire time they are being "cared" for, no play time, no parks, no activities, no stimulation? And unless they invest in a couple of double buggies they won't even be able to take the kids for a simple walk. And by the sound of it then it's one person (MIL) going to be doing all the hands on childcare, FIL will just be sitting back pontificating. Has he thought btw who is going to be doing the shopping, cleaning and cooking while MIL is doing all this childcare?

And all this because FIL thinks the kids are going to be sexually abused every time the kids get a nappy changed by a non-family member? And the parents involved have plenty of disposable income but don't want to spend it on childcare?


I think you're well out of it tbh. Keep it that way and don't get involved. My bet is that it will last three months max, round about the time your MIL goes down with some sort of stress related illness. If anyone asks for your opinion you can remark on the travel time and poor stimulation not being ideal for kids, you wouldn't do it, but otherwise you don't really have much influence here and getting too involved will put you in someone's bad books so best not.

Sambucus_Nigra

Wow

This is one of those 'really, no...really?' situations...

Come on OP - you're winding us up - surely???

notanewuser

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Wow

This is one of those 'really, no...really?' situations...

Come on OP - you're winding us up - surely???

I swear on my daughter's life it is 100% true. I wish it weren't.

paddy's_mum

notanewuser wrote: »

on my daughter's life

If all this goes as disastrously pear-shaped as so many of us can forsee, your daughter may be the only one left to these utterly cretinous grandparents!

Even having only one side of the story (no offence intended OP) I'm afraid that I have little but contempt for the whole greedy, selfish, unloving, spineless and mean-spirited lot of them.

How awful that their parents would rather their children endure needless distress so long as they don't have to fork out for childcare. :mad:

What a pity that you can't legislate to protect idiots from themselves!

Dumbe

notanewuser wrote: »

I swear on my daughter's life it is 100% true. I wish it weren't.

Sorry but other then the distance which may be an issue .. And the parents may miss out on 1/2 a week an hour or so of time with child ..
Based on go leaving home an hour or so before parents reach home and child arriving home at same time as parent for half week slightly later for half the week..

I would be surprised if it didn't work really well and in reality its only for a couple of years given the distance I am guessing it won't be possible once each one starts school ( I am guessing no way school local to gps would accept a child from 40 miles )


But I am failing to see why people are so amazed .. It's a sensible plan and means you have someone who cares deeply looking after your child not a stranger ...

Dumbe

paddy's_mum wrote: »

If all this goes as disastrously pear-shaped as so many of us can forsee, your daughter may be the only one left to these utterly cretinous grandparents!

Even having only one side of the story (no offence intended OP) I'm afraid that I have little but contempt for the whole greedy, selfish, unloving, spineless and mean-spirited lot of them.

How awful that their parents would rather their children endure needless distress so long as they don't have to fork out for childcare. :mad:

What a pity that you can't legislate to protect idiots from themselves!

What distress .. . .? Lucky children to be able to form bonds with their cousins and gps ... They get benefit from it for ever .. Why would you prefer a stranger to a loving grand parent?

notanewuser

Dumbe wrote: »

Sorry but other then the distance which may be an issue .. And the parents may miss out on 1/2 a week an hour or so of time with child ..
Based on go leaving home an hour or so before parents reach home and child arriving home at same time as parent for half week slightly later for half the week..

I don't understand what you're trying to say here. Lets assume all parents need to be at work by 9am, leaving their houses between 8am and 8:30am.

The last child/children will have to be collected by 8:30, meaning that the 2nd pick up will be made at around 8:10am and the first an hour and a half (minimum) away at 6:30am. GPs will need to leave their house at around 5:45am to start the pick ups, and will get home 150 miles and 3.5 hours later. Then a full day of child are with 3 babies and 2 toddlers in a through room about 20ft x 10ft (with dining table and chairs, high chairs sofas and arm chairs) before beginning the journey for the drop offs. If the first parents are home at 6pm, they leave at 5pm. 2nd drop off at 6:30pm, 3rd at 8pm. That child/pair of children has to be up at 5:30am for the next day's pick up and will have spent 6 hours in the car. So they're on negative time with mum and dad, aren't they?

And GPs have been on the go from 5am till 9pm. Even if they went straight to bed they'd get less than 8 hours before having to start again. Zero relaxation time, no social life. MIL already has sleep apnoea and sleeps with an oxygen mask. Their weekends will be spent cleaning/shopping/seeing MIL's parents, who are fast approaching their 90s.

That's insane in anyone's book, surely?

Dumbe wrote: »

I would be surprised if it didn't work really well and in reality its only for a couple of years given the distance I am guessing it won't be possible once each one starts school ( I am guessing no way school local to gps would accept a child from 40 miles )


But I am failing to see why people are so amazed .. It's a sensible plan and means you have someone who cares deeply looking after your child not a stranger ...

Which bit is sensible? What if the GPs are ill? That's 3 people having to take time off work rather than one (likely 3 childminders would be ill at the same time). Yes, the cousins will get to send lots of time together, but to the exclusion of all others in their neighbourhoods. What happens when they go to school? The GPs won't be able to provide wrap around care across those distances.

notanewuser

Dumbe wrote: »

What distress .. . .? Lucky children to be able to form bonds with their cousins and gps ... They get benefit from it for ever .. Why would you prefer a stranger to a loving grand parent?

Read the timings I've just set out.

You think the kids will benefit from grandparents driven to an early grave by this exhaustive timetable? Spending 30 mins max a day with their parents?

I'd rather my daughter be cared for by somebody with enough energy, who wanted to spend time with her for the right reasons, not subjecting her to hours strapped into a car seat and having to be up at 5am!! And that's before the non-socialisation issues.

kettlefish

Dumbe wrote: »

Sorry but other then the distance which may be an issue .. And the parents may miss out on 1/2 a week an hour or so of time with child ..
Based on go leaving home an hour or so before parents reach home and child arriving home at same time as parent for half week slightly later for half the week..

Have you read the OP?! The 3 sets of parents each live around 45 mins from the grandparents, in different directions. That is waaaay more than missing out on "an hour or so of time with the child each week". The grandad is proposing driving the kids around in a minivan for approx 3 hours a day doing pick up and drop offs!

Each to their own if you see no problem with it and would put your children in this situation, but I see grave problems with an elderly couple looking after 5 children from 2.5 years down to 6 months old full time :wall:

Blackpool_Saver

Bonkers........