Grandparents looking after grandchildren

poet123

I think that all things being equal family care is preferable to paid for care. Just my opinion. However, in this instance the logistics are daunting. I would be thinking about moving closer to the GP's if my children were being cared for by them.

OP you seem to have quite a low opinion of your in laws which seems to be colouring your views somewhat (or that is how it is coming across).

We all make our choices and we all have to live with them, your child is not involved in this scenario so I wouldn't be getting involved. What comes across to me is that you feel (perhaps quite rightly) that your in laws are prepared to do almost anything to enable them to care for the cousins but make minimal effort to see your child. That may be true, but it does not give you the correct perspective to be involved in this issue imo.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

I think that all things being equal family care is preferable to paid for care. Just my opinion. However, in this instance the logistics are daunting. I would be thinking about moving closer to the GP's if my children were being cared for by them.

OP you seem to have quite a low opinion of your in laws which seems to be colouring your views somewhat (or that is how it is coming across).

We all make our choices and we all have to live with them, your child is not involved in this scenario so I wouldn't be getting involved. What comes across to me is that you feel (perhaps quite rightly) that your in laws are prepared to do almost anything to enable them to care for the cousins but make minimal effort to see your child. That may be true, but it does not give you the correct perspective to be involved in this issue imo.

I don't have a low opinion of them. I often don't agree with them and have to see regularly how much his parents not bothering with him affects my DH. It isn't an issue for my daughter either. I grew up with no extended family around so I think it's great that my in laws have been able to spend significant time with me nieces. I just think adding another 3 babies to the mix and the trowel logistics make this an exceptionally bad idea. And I'd rather try to avoid something horrific happening before it does, than be sat at the side saying "I knew this would happen" at a later date.

Dumbe

notanewuser wrote: »

This para is not in English. What were you actually trying to say?

Sorry ! IPhone auto text corrected is a pain .. But all the words it changed it to we're English .. Just not in any particularly logical fashion!

The post simply said I would leave at 6 am quite happlily and do a long round trip and again in the evening to allow kids to be cared for by family as opposed to paid carers who look after children for a job.

It changed evening to vending ! Strange !


And again to reaper !

Abbafan1972

Dumbe - I don't agree with your posts at all. Yes it is nice for Grandparents to care for their grandchildren, when it's practical. This is nowhere near practical. I would rather use a nursery/childminder that is local to me, than having gps look after them with these types of distances involved.

notanwuser - your inlaws sound very controlling and I certainly wouldn't want to be part of their lives, if this is the way they behave!
Accidents at nursery are very isolated and few and far between, I would imagine a lot more happen in the home!

Scorpio33

Just to put a different slant on things...

We have recently been looking into chilcare for when my wife goes back to work and we were faced with either having childcare near home, or childcare near her work, 30 mins away.

After much deliberation, we decided it would be better to have childcare as near to home as possible, simply as if there were any issues (illness etc), then someone will be with baby most of the time, and they wouldn't be stuck in a car for 30 mins with no one able to help. Similarly if there were any traffic issues, then baby would not bne stuck in a car for long periods. On top of that, if my wife and I had time off at the same time, we can walk to the nursery to drop baby off and enjoy our time off together, rather than and hour round trip twice a day on our days off.

So if I were in your shoes, I would be asking your OH to question the childcare offer. I agree with parents in law to an extent that it is better for family to look after children than childminders etc, but they are simply too far away for that to be practical. If they could guarentee the kids would not be in the car (or mini van) for more than 15 mins, then maybe it would be practical, but I just can't see this happening.

Caroline_a

I had another think about this one and thought of one horrific scenario.... what if one or more of the children are car sick? I had 1 that was and 2 that werent, but the one that was had to be dosed up every time I went anywhere! At the time I had no car, so it was a fairly rare occurrence, but it that case it really wouldn't be great for one or more poor children to be continually dosed up to prevent this! Also, it isn't something that children are born with - my daughter developed it at just under 2.

mummyroysof3

Caroline_a wrote: »

I had another think about this one and thought of one horrific scenario.... what if one or more of the children are car sick? I had 1 that was and 2 that werent, but the one that was had to be dosed up every time I went anywhere! At the time I had no car, so it was a fairly rare occurrence, but it that case it really wouldn't be great for one or more poor children to be continually dosed up to prevent this! Also, it isn't something that children are born with - my daughter developed it at just under 2.

or if like my son they hate being in a car seat?..that wont be fun listening to screaming the whole time

Toomuchdebt

I think it's madness...firstly because of the sheer distances involved and secondly because my parents (66 and 65) had to look after my 6 children(ages 17,14,11,9,4,2) for a few days as I had to go into hospital for an operation and by the end of the few days they were totlaly shattered.The older kids did a lot to help but even looking after the 2 youngest while the others were at school was tiring for them.

jellyhead

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

or if like my son they hate being in a car seat?..that wont be fun listening to screaming the whole time

My youngest absolutely hated any longer than 15 minutes in a car seat and would scream and scream As he got older we realised that he was getting pins and needles - no idea why. It's the same with sitting on our shoulders to watch a parade etc.

Plus, if the journeys are long they will get sore if they dirty a nappy and it doesn't get changed for 45 minutes.

I suppose the poor babies will just get used to being stuck in a car seat for hours on end though, and will eventually become so docile that they won't see the point in crying.

jackyann

I do hope that this has helped OP.
One of the hardest things to do is to watch children one cares about being given less-than-the-best care. However, unless it is really abusive or neglectful, there is nothing that can be done.
Note: this is nothing to do with grandparents doing the care. It is to do with sheer numbers and travel time.
Your DH has done what he can. The only other suggestion I have is to ask "have you done a dummy run at the exact times?". I care for a relative one day a week - on those days the journey takes me 90 minutes instead of the Sunday afternoon 60.
So OP, back to sympathy & support, but stop worrying about something you have no control over. Enjoy your own LO and give thanks for the distance and a sensible DH.