Grandparents looking after grandchildren

onlyroz

Oh my word. My mum is in her mid sixties and she's said that she's fine with one of my kids but finds it exhausting to have them both for a full day. And she only lives a mile away. It sounds utterly bonkers to drive hundreds of miles to pick up a whole bunch of kids from different locations. But I agree with others that it's not your call. If the parents of these children are unhappy then they are the ones that should be making a complaint - however they should note that this arrangement would exceed the maximums for a legitimate OFSTED registered childminder.

Marisco

margaretclare wrote: »

I didn't realise that it was possible for 'grandparents to insist on having the children full-time'?

It sounds like the GP's insisted and no one has the balls to stand up to them!! What about the other sets of GP's? I know if my son (if he had one!) or daughters' mother in law behaved like this, I'd have something to say about it!! I'd have a "word" with the MIL myself!! As I'm sure my kids would let me know the situation! Although TBH, I'd probably tell the pair of them to grow a pair, and tell her themselves!

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

It sounds like the GP's insisted and no one has the balls to stand up to them!! What about the other sets of GP's? I know if my son (if he had one!) or daughters' mother in law behaved like this, I'd have something to say about it!! I'd have a "word" with the MIL myself!! As I'm sure my kids would let me know the situation! Although TBH, I'd probably tell the pair of them to grow a pair, and tell her themselves!

One SIL has no parents and DH's parents treat her like a daughter. She's the one that does as she's told.

The other niece's mum's mum works full time, so has the child one day a week but has said she won't have both.

And the third SIL's mum is alcoholic, so I can't imagine they'll be doing any childcare.

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

It sounds like the GP's insisted and no one has the balls to stand up to them!! What about the other sets of GP's? I know if my son (if he had one!) or daughters' mother in law behaved like this, I'd have something to say about it!! I'd have a "word" with the MIL myself!! As I'm sure my kids would let me know the situation! Although TBH, I'd probably tell the pair of them to grow a pair, and tell her themselves!

Why do you asse it's the mother? If anything it's the father (who doesn't actually do much of the childcare anyway)!!!

ALIBOBSY

Hmmm well to add a slightly different perspective, I know a lovely lady who is in her late 60's and loves kids but sadly couldn't have any of her own. Over the years she adopted 3 (including a disabled child) and fostered over 150. She still works in a local nursery and has only recently reduced her hours and gone part time. Now someone like her I could well believe could cope with 5 little ones (although obviously she isn't the only assistant at the nursery).

My Mum and Dad voluteered to have DS but I only went back part time to work as I felt any longer would be pushing things really. They then had DD1 again part time, but once I had DD2 I became a SAHM.
So they had a 1yr old then later a 2yr old and 5 yr old (around school). BUT Mum was only 51 at the start (and only did part time work herself) and Dad was 60 (but out at work most of the time).

When they have the kids now on occasion (14, 9, 5 and 2) they are exhausted afterwards and thats without much nappie duty lol.

To me the big issue is the number of "babies" together and the travelling. I would advise SIL to actually look at the figures. It might actually be better for SIL to be part time and use a local nursery or childminder for say 2-3 days a week, than do all that driving. Petrol costs can be horrendous. Don't forget you can claim against tax credits for childcare costs for a nursery or childminder not for family. This way SIL might be able to use a cost arguement against her OH.

Ali x

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

It sounds like the GP's insisted and no one has the balls to stand up to them!! What about the other sets of GP's? I know if my son (if he had one!) or daughters' mother in law behaved like this, I'd have something to say about it!! I'd have a "word" with the MIL myself!! As I'm sure my kids would let me know the situation! Although TBH, I'd probably tell the pair of them to grow a pair, and tell her themselves!

Why do you assume it's the mother? If anything it's the father (who doesn't actually do much of the childcare anyway)!!!

Amanda65

There is absolutely no way I would let anyone, regardless of age, look after my young children as part of such a large group and ferry them around in a minibus for hours at the start and end of each day. However as it does not involve your children I really do not see what you can do about it without looking interfering and potentially falling out with OH's parents.

What would the GP's do if one of the sets of parents actually just booked local childcare for their children? They could hardly go and 'snatch' them from the nursery / childminder. Also as the time when they would have all of the children is still over a year away I really wouldn't be getting too worked up about it at this stage. Anything could happen - sadly people get ill, move, change / lose jobs etc.

If I were you, I would be trying to support my SIL's by offering to be a sounding board but no more - their children, their problem to sort.

seven-day-weekend

The grandparents must either be crazy or control freaks, or both.

Really, they all need to grow up and see that it is unworkable.

But I agree the OP should keep out of it, other than being a support for the one who has asked her advice.

notanewuser

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

To me the big issue is the number of "babies" together and the travelling. I would advise SIL to actually look at the figures. It might actually be better for SIL to be part time and use a local nursery or childminder for say 2-3 days a week, than do all that driving. Petrol costs can be horrendous. Don't forget you can claim against tax credits for childcare costs for a nursery or childminder not for family. This way SIL might be able to use a cost arguement against her OH.

Ali x

Pretty sure 2 out of 3 of them won't qualify for any tax credits because their income will be too high (even if the mums don't go back full time). Think that's part of the issue.

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

Why do you assume it's the mother? If anything it's the father (who doesn't actually do much of the childcare anyway)!!!

Because it's usually the grandmother that does the most childcare (as per your second sentence!) So why doesn't the mother stand up to her husband and say she can't do it? I can't understand how folk allow themselves to be walked all over!

TBH I didn't mean the other GP's to look after the kids, but more having a word with the them, and point out that everyone should be free to choose their own childcare arrangements, especially as everyone lives in different places! They might listen to someone of their own generation, rather than their sons or DIL's.