Would you/ could you adopt?

sweetme

After having four of my own I wouldn't adopt. I would, however, consider fostering some time in the future. I've seen what my daughter's friend has gone through with care homes, some of it is horrendous. There are an awful lot of teenagers out there who could do with a supportive, family environment.

Grimbal

fawd1 wrote: »

Just out of interest what sort of things preclude people from adopting?

Weight in our case. We have a large, comfortable home, good income & a great support network, but were turned down even before walking into the agency because of how much we weigh. I'm not saying it's the wrong decision, just answering the poster's question

sealady

I personally don't want any more children, I've have two teenagers and am a single mom, but I can also look at it from the point of view of the child. I was adopted 40 odd years ago, I know things were much different in those days, but I could never be more grateful to both my parents for what they did for me! I am also very grateful to my natural mother for having the courage to give me up for adoption. I'm sure it was not an easy decision.

I know of a couple of families who have successfully adopted children, and what seems to put most people off is that "hassle". You are dealing with a person's life here, and the process has to be through but saying that it does seem they do make it very very difficult. There has to be a thorough but less red tape in order to encourage more people to do it.

I also know of a couple in their late thirties who had been fostering children for many years, they had a young boy in their care from a few days old, when this child was 4 they asked if they could adopt him and were told they were to old. This child was given up for adoption and unfortunately the adoption did not work out and was then placed within the foster care system. It's these kinds of situations when it seems to wrong.

time2deal

sealady wrote: »

I know of a couple of families who have successfully adopted children, and what seems to put most people off is that "hassle". You are dealing with a person's life here, and the process has to be through but saying that it does seem they do make it very very difficult. There has to be a thorough but less red tape in order to encourage more people to do it.

I disagree that the hassle puts me off - to be honest its something more like fear. Fear of having to strip bare every part of your life, of being judged by people who would have inbuilt prejudices (as we all do) and fear of disappointment and failure.

Those who have tried to conceive for years and years with no result know the constant cycle of hope and depression can be soul destroying for the best relationship or the strongest person. It's also very sad, and very isolating, and to add another level of judgement and failure is a tough thing for anyone.

The comment above aimed at me - 'you don't want a child enough' - is exactly the type of judgement that puts me off. Maybe it's my failing, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to deal with ever more stress and disappointment, with a nice overlay of pious judgement too.

jumpedtheshark

I want to adopt - no birth children yet - though OH is slightly less keen, and would prefer birth children then adopted children. I cut off contact with own parents three years ago because my father was emotionally abusive. He had been all throughout childhood, but when I turned 30 I realised I didn't have to take it any more. I'm still in touch with my siblings. OH has a large, loving family but all overseas. OH thinks that there would be red flags raised because of the situation with my parents. Does anyone with any experience know?

Dunroamin

time2deal wrote: »

Thanks - although not sure what the random comment at the end was about.

It wasn't a random comment. I was trying to explain that most of your worries probably wouldn't be a problem until you got to the point where you said you would prefer to adopt a baby, in which case they almost certainly would.

Because there are so few babies available for adoption the bar is set much higher.

(Given that you don't want to give up your job and that you plan to move to Australia fairly shortly, wouldn't you be better to think of adopting there?)

Dunroamin

Raksha wrote: »

How about making it easier for the birth mother and child to stay together?

SS bend over backwards to keep mother and baby together; children aren't taken into care and placed for adoption for no reason!

j.e.j.

With adoption you can never be sure what you're taking on. I think behaviour is influenced by heredity and genes as much as by environment. What were the child's parents like, what sad circumstances came about that necessitated the baby/child/teenager being put up for adoption.

And you can never feel the same way about an adopted child as you would about your own flesh and blood.

Those are the things that would make me wary of adopting, I think.

Sorry if my post sounds a bit doom and gloom, I'm sure there are many success stories out there of adopted people/adoptive families!

silvercar

And you can never feel the same way about an adopted child as you would about your own flesh and blood.

I know people for who this isn't true. People who adopted because they (seemed) unable to have children naturally and then science moved forward and they were able to have a natural child with assistance. They speak of how the love they feel for their adopted child gave them the courage to go through the assisted repro programme.

Dunroamin

j.e.j. wrote: »

And you can never feel the same way about an adopted child as you would about your own flesh and blood.
!

That's a terrible thing to say!