Would you/ could you adopt?

ognum

Dunroamin wrote: »

If you adopt older children you have to be prepared for the fact that they're likely to be damaged to some degree. That's why you have to undertake a period of training before you're approved as adoptive parents.

They did all the pre adoption courses but no amount of training can help in some situations and these couples really tried, neither got good support from the adoption authorities.

ognum

Bella-Bubble wrote: »

This isn't limited though to families who adopt, your own biological child could have major difficulties and/or disabilities which would be very testing, my daughter included, but its not the children's fault and they need someone there for them, love, support and stability.

Of course I am aware of this, it is however very difficult to make up for extremely poor parenting ay a young age, if a child has been locked in a cage from a young age sadly loving them is sometimes not enough

time2deal

I would adopt, but I also feel that the barriers are so high that I would never make it past first base, so to speak. I may be wrong but as I understand it the following would prevent me from adopting:

1. BMI of 32
2. Good high paying job in the city, but one that I can't leave as DH doesn't earn as much.
3. I would want to move to my home country (Australia) in a year or so.
4. I wouldn't want the child to keep in regular contact with their birth parents.
5. White and middle class. And would prefer a baby.

Does anyone know if they are all really showstoppers? I can't really work out how to find out!

Dunroamin

Pee wrote: »

I think there is a shortage of children, with the possible exception of children with disabilities, who need adopting and a surplus of people who would like to adopt.
.

There is absolutely not a shortage of children to adopt there's a severe shortage of adoptive parents.

There is a shortage of healthy, white babies available for adoption, which is a totally different thing.

Caroline_a

I know of 3 sets of friends who have adopted, and sadly all 3 couples have now split up. Difficult to know the full story from the outside, but from what I have seen a lot was down to expectations that life with children would be all picnics and roses. None of them seemed to recognise that life with children isn't like that, to a far greater extent than I've ever seen with people who conceive their own children.

Dunroamin

time2deal wrote: »

I would adopt, but I also feel that the barriers are so high that I would never make it past first base, so to speak. I may be wrong but as I understand it the following would prevent me from adopting:

1. BMI of 32
2. Good high paying job in the city, but one that I can't leave as DH doesn't earn as much.
3. I would want to move to my home country (Australia) in a year or so.
4. I wouldn't want the child to keep in regular contact with their birth parents.
5. White and middle class. And would prefer a baby.

Does anyone know if they are all really showstoppers? I can't really work out how to find out!

Relating that to my experience of adoption.

1. BMI, no problem.
2. Both of us were lecturers, SS wanted one of us to be at home part time for
6 months for older children.
3. When we considered moving to Spain, they weren't keen.
4. Not all children have regular contact with birth parents.
5. White, middle class not a problem (although we made sure an Asian friend of ours was one of our character references.).

Wanting a baby - that's likely to be a problem given what you've already said.

POPPYOSCAR

ognum wrote: »

Of course I am aware of this, it is however very difficult to make up for extremely poor parenting ay a young age, if a child has been locked in a cage from a young age sadly loving them is sometimes not enough

The fault lies with the adoption agencies not giving enough information to the adoptive parents.

Perhaps, adoptive parents need to dig much deeper into the history of the child and not just take what they are told at face value. However,they are more than likely quite reluctant to do this for fear of being declined.

The agencies also need to be more forthcoming with potential problems.

The whole process needs to be overhauled IMO.

If it were, I think more people would adopt.

time2deal

Dunroamin wrote: »

Wanting a baby - that's likely to be a problem given what you've already said.

Thanks - although not sure what the random comment at the end was about.

Raksha

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The fault lies with the adoption agencies not giving enough information to the adoptive parents.

Perhaps, adoptive parents need to dig much deeper into the history of the child and not just take what they are told at face value. However,they are more than likely quite reluctant to do this for fear of being declined.

The agencies also need to be more forthcoming with potential problems.

The whole process needs to be overhauled IMO.

If it were, I think more people would adopt.

How about making it easier for the birth mother and child to stay together?

POPPYOSCAR

Raksha wrote: »

How about making it easier for the birth mother and child to stay together?

Why birth mother?

Many children are taken away from the whole family, i.e. father and siblings.

Adoption should always be a last resort by the agencies involved.