Would you/ could you adopt?

lisawood78

Been TTC for over ten years here, 9 failed IVF's and no possible chance at a natural pregnancy. But, from all I have read our situation precludes us from adopting despite having a large owned home, fabulous income and huge family support network. Adoption is a great thing and I fully understand they can not hand a child over to 'just anybody' but some of the rules/regulations make it impossible for many suitable people to go down this route.

TeamLowe

if i could be confident that i would have the support to deal with any difficulties then i would not hesitate to adopt a child of any age if i could not have any of my own or if they would let me when i'm older and my children (if i am blessed) have flown the nest.

I've met young teenagers who are in children's care homes and they were so lovely and well behaved and hearing the stories of how many homes they've had and how quickly they'd have to move (sometimes the next day) it just makes your heart bleed. every child deserves a stable loving home x x

debtfreeat40

After 12 months of TTC with no success it is something I would consider. Two friends of mine have done it with success although I'm not sure how long it took them from start to finish. Does anyone know what rules and regulations stop people 'suitable' people from going down this route?

Raksha

sk240 wrote: »

My partner and i have been trying to have a baby for 3-4 years now without success, i would go for adoption tomorrow, but there is so much hassle that goes with it because of the social services that i cant currently be bothered!By the time it all goes through the child is already "damaged" by all of the foster carers etc and the child is now 2-3 years old.

If you think that's hassle - wait till you do have your own child. :mad:

Raksha

Speaking as an adoptee, do you know how patronising it is to be spoken about as if you're homing a rescue dog?

How about putting the needs of the child first, rather than satisfying your wants?

fawd1

lisawood78 wrote: »

But, from all I have read our situation precludes us from adopting despite having a large owned home, fabulous income and huge family support network.

Just out of interest what sort of things preclude people from adopting?

ognum

I know many adoptions work very well but I have two sets of very close friends who have adopted, both sets have been through the most horrific experiences adopting.

This has been sadly due to the damage the children's birth parents did to them prior to being taken into care and then put up for adoption. Both sets have sadly had to make the decision that they cannot cope with the behaviour of one of the siblings they adopted. At one point one friend phoned me and said' I truly believe we would all be better dead, I can see no end to this'

Both sets of friends are now divorced, their marriages could not survive the behaviour of the damaged children.

I know this doesn't happen to everyone but it has changed how I feel about adoption and mostly about the adoption agencies who place these children

Bella-Bubble

ognum wrote: »

I know many adoptions work very well but I have two sets of very close friends who have adopted, both sets have been through the most horrific experiences adopting.

This has been sadly due to the damage the children's birth parents did to them prior to being taken into care and then put up for adoption. Both sets have sadly had to make the decision that they cannot cope with the behaviour of one of the siblings they adopted. At one point one friend phoned me and said' I truly believe we would all be better dead, I can see no end to this'

Both sets of friends are now divorced, their marriages could not survive the behaviour of the damaged children.

I know this doesn't happen to everyone but it has changed how I feel about adoption and mostly about the adoption agencies who place these children

This isn't limited though to families who adopt, your own biological child could have major difficulties and/or disabilities which would be very testing, my daughter included, but its not the children's fault and they need someone there for them, love, support and stability.

Alikay

Of course I'd adopt if it were my only way of being a parent. Luckily we managed to produce our own three home-made kids without too much trouble, but we foster sibling groups who are going through court proceedings. One "batch" we could've easily kept as we all grew to love them very much and learned to cope with their issues (they went back to family btw).

I think it's a shame that some people are put off applying to adopt as they think the process is too difficult or intrusive. I has to be done to protect the children involved, and I think some of it is urban myth anyway - most social workers are ordinary people, not the ultra zealous PC brigade they're made out to be!

Dunroamin

ognum wrote: »

I know many adoptions work very well but I have two sets of very close friends who have adopted, both sets have been through the most horrific experiences adopting.

This has been sadly due to the damage the children's birth parents did to them prior to being taken into care and then put up for adoption. Both sets have sadly had to make the decision that they cannot cope with the behaviour of one of the siblings they adopted. At one point one friend phoned me and said' I truly believe we would all be better dead, I can see no end to this'

Both sets of friends are now divorced, their marriages could not survive the behaviour of the damaged children.

I know this doesn't happen to everyone but it has changed how I feel about adoption and mostly about the adoption agencies who place these children

If you adopt older children you have to be prepared for the fact that they're likely to be damaged to some degree. That's why you have to undertake a period of training before you're approved as adoptive parents.