Declining A Wedding Invite

Fire_Fox

KxMx wrote: »

I'm glad you're happy FireFox being single but that is not the case for all of us.
Optimism can only last through so many hurts and disappointments and you eventually just become resigned to it not happening.
Not everyone meets their Mr Right like in a Disney film. People can be doing everything to meet someone and it just doesn't happen.
Thus comments such as "maybe you will meet someone at the wedding" just become hurtful and condescending frankly. As though you hadn't been to x amount of weddings before and not met anyone.
It may happen that way for others but not or everyone, and when you've been single a long time you do resign yourself to nothing happening because so far there has been nothing to prove you wrong, and as I said optimism and hope can't survive forever.
I can well understand why OP doesn't want to go to another wedding as a singleton.

There are many emotions and attitudes aside from happiness and unhappiness. I didn't say I was 'happy' I just know from experience how utterly destructive it is to live in the past, dwell on something that should have been but wasn't. In all seriousness get some medical help if you have issues that need addressing, don't go around feeling low or hopeless or pessimistic.

If you make assumptions that can be why you end up feeling like your life falls short. I don't think that many people these days do meet Mr Right like in a film they meet Mr Right for now, look at the divorce and separation rate. Relatively few of our generation meet 'the one' in their early twenties, have 2.4 children and stay together forever.

Being blunt the people that go from relationship to relationship to relationship with barely a day to breathe often have lower standards. Mr Right for some women in my city are one or more of: alcoholics, drug dealers, in and out of prison, can't keep it in their pants nor use a condom, been on benefits so long they still call it a giro. Really. :rotfl:

balletshoes

KxMx wrote: »

I can well understand why OP doesn't want to go to another wedding as a singleton, especially a family event where you are a women of childbearing age/ all your peers have kids.

I know someone said earlier about people having kids later, but I am 25 and there is still a huge expectation that by my age you should have had them. My friends have also remarked on this same issue. You've only to look in the media where they label a woman in her 30's as a "geriatric" mother!

the media is an *rse - don't read newspapers or watch the news, its all complete nonsense. In medical terms, a "geriatric mother" is aged 35 or older, so "the media" can't even get that right.

I am surprised that a 25-year old and a 28-year old feel so under pressure to have kids and a long-term partner, I really am. At 25 I was out working 2 jobs, one of them in a pub, going on girly holidays and spending all my money on me .

KxMx

Thanks for your reply. I have much worse medical issues than feeling low, I expect anybody would be depressed after being sick for 6 years (since I was 19), now unable to have any kind of life and even better the Drs have no clue what it is and from time to time tell me it's in my head (handily ignoring clinical evidence) or because I am fat. Meanwhile I am in pain, so tired I can't get dressed most days and I won't even go into the constant fear of bowel incontinence.

All the while watching all my friends move out of home, get married, have kids and generally fabulous lives. Even my Mum has an amazing social life (clubbing, cocktail bars, meeting friends for lunch etc and jetting off to Spain) as she did once already in her youth.

Added: also watched Mum's first foray back into dating lead immediately to a persistent 26 year old. And even when she ditched him she had someone else lined up. She tells me the trick is to have more than one on the go but some of us can't even manage one let alone multiple interested men!

So yeah, I do believe that for some people they just don't get what everyone else does. That is what life has taught me.

In some ways being single is the least of my problems, but that doesn't make it any easier, neither does knowing I can't do anything about it, because at the end of the day I am still alone. I made it to a friends wedding as mentioned earlier in the year and it really reinforced my own pitiful situation. Especially as I was the only single person there.

I lasted about 4 years btw before my optimism that I would get a diagnosis, treatment and some kind of life again ran out. And guess what 2 years later no indication I was wrong!

balletshoes wrote: »

I am surprised that a 25-year old and a 28-year old feel so under pressure to have kids and a long-term partner, I really am. At 25 I was out working 2 jobs, one of them in a pub, going on girly holidays and spending all my money on me .

It is surprising for sure but in my experience I believe it to be true. I think there has been a societal regression in attitudes in that respect, not a good thing.

Pthree

My point about July being months away just didn't cover the OP meeting the love of her life, it could a friend she can take along with her, the happy couple splitting up, some one who now part of a couple having to go alone due to countless unknown reasons... anything can happen in the next 8 months, I don't see the point of getting worked up about it now.

I have now been single for coming up to 4 years, at 37 (!!) mostly cause I cant be a*sed with men and am trying VERY hard to be happy for myself. Yeah it can be the most awful feeling thinking your going to be alone forever (it's where I am at, I mean who would want me) but jeez its not the end of the world if I manage to be able to live with myself.

I look around at friends relationships and so many of them aren't happy and are sticking out because they don't want to be single - to me that is a lot more sad and pathetic than living your life and (trying, all be it failing quite often ) being open to experiences what ever they may be!

KxMx

I do see your point, but again have been in that position pre-health problems, wedding 4 months away, oh well I can find someone else to go with save going with Mum again, 4 months later, yes ended up going with Mum.

When you have hope you think like that but after a while there is no point kidding yourself. Or rather you try not to hope because of past disappointments.

OP for whatever reason doesn't seem to have much hope so perhaps she has also been in that place before? Been there, done that and been disappointed?

shaz77_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

So extend an olive branch. You don't know if you don't try!

HBS x

Took your advice and sent a gentle text message, the last time I got a response was the end of July and I haven't been in touch for over 2 months. Not sure that I'll get a response.