Mothers! Christmas! Drama has started already :(

notakid

Okay then be crafty.

Ring her back and say okay what is the telly like?

And then say Oh I know they want the 3D smart telly, they will be disappointed with the model you are thinking of buying and then tell her the model they are looking at is a qrand more! Waffle on about who television viewing is on the cusp of change and what she is thinking of buying will be obsolete in six months hence that is why it seems such a bargain.

Tell her that the reason they haven't brought a TV is they are looking for a certain type. Or better still get your brother to tell her.

DuckEggGingham

KiKi wrote: »

Hi OP

I think it's wrong that your mum has made the decision and has an expectation of what you'll pay, yes. And she needs to be told; you should buy what you feel is right, esp if it's something they don't need or what they want!!

Could I just put a different perspective on things, for a bit? I don't think your mum is right - just to be absolutely clear! - but she *may* be thinking a little bit differently.

You mentioned that you have to buy for the kids which is, of course, not cheap. But it also means that, as you are the only ones with kids in your side of the family, other people are probably spending more on your family as they're buying for you and then (I presume) your children as well. And it *may* be that your mum is thinking 'okay, you're saving for a house, but an extra £35 towards a present isn't going to make a huge difference to a deposit - especially given that your sibling buys presents for you and your children'. That's making some assumptions, obviously! But I could understand that your mum might be thinking that your sibling will be spending on you and your children, and therefore will be spending around £70 on your family in total, so may not see this as such a big deal as you. It doesn't make her actions right, of course!

KiKi

That could actually be a fair point but everyone only buys for our kids. A book/voucher/chocs etc. Its been that way for a few years now and something we are in total agreement with, it became that way as one year we were asked due to budgets if we minded not being on the pressie list, just the kids, of course we had NO problem with that. This is a little bit why its all so frustrating, this has come from nowhere lol As a family, we "don't" do this, if that makes sense.

I didn't want to say before as I was worried I may be coming across as 'bitter' but my brother is my mums golden child. Through no choice of his own and I am almost positive he would swap that title in a heartbeat lol I actually feel for him and the pressures that come with that title! He has a milestone birthday coming up next year and we are all contributing to that behind the scenes and on top of that we are having to pay quite a bit of money to travel to the UK to attend which I do not mind in the slightest as I love him to bits but she takes none of this in consideration. He is lovely and he hates how she is and is actually firmer with her then I could ever be. I may start taking lessons lol

My mum wanted a holiday earlier this year but my dad could not get the time off work to go. The next thing I knew was she called me to tell me she had booked a holiday for her and my older teen daughter for a couple of weeks and we only owe her £xxx ( for my daughter!) her reasoning was that it could be my daughters birthday gift from us. We did pay that, maybe like fools but we were kind of put on the spot and it involved my daughter. Though she had no idea until it had been booked - just like us!

See what I am dealing with here? lol

pinkshoes

Does she do email??

I'd email her:

"Mummy, lovely idea to get brother a TV, but you'll have to count me out as we've already sorted our christmas presents for this year. X"

Be FIRM, say it one more time, then forget it and buy your brother a book or something. If she does ignore you and go ahead and put your name on it, then on xmas day, just say "actually, it's not from me - I just got you a book, but mum thought she'd be nice and put my name on".

Do NOT pay her any money. Just repeat that you already said no.

Until you stand up to her and follow it through, she'll keep walking all over you!

DuckEggGingham

notakid wrote: »

Okay then be crafty.

Ring her back and say okay what is the telly like?

And then say Oh I know they want the 3D smart telly, they will be disappointed with the model you are thinking of buying and then tell her the model they are looking at is a qrand more! Waffle on about who television viewing is on the cusp of change and what she is thinking of buying will be obsolete in six months hence that is why it seems such a bargain.

Tell her that the reason they haven't brought a TV is they are looking for a certain type. Or better still get your brother to tell her.

I love this! Bamboozle her with technology! The only thing that worries me about this is I may be looking at an assumed bill of more then the £70 lol!:o

I am going to get my hubby to speak with her, if that does not work, I think I may start thinking about the term "no contact" as to be honest this is just the tip of the iceberg. I am getting so tired of it all. I just do not understand why I fail to own a backbone when it comes to her! I am madder at myself then I am her!

Sambucus_Nigra

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

I didn't want to say before as I was worried I may be coming across as 'bitter' but my brother is my mums golden child.

See what I am dealing with here? lol

Yeah, we could tell that from your posts...and you will always be dealing with it until one day when you say 'no and I refuse to pay'.

And it needs to come from you - not hubby...

DuckEggGingham

pinkshoes wrote: »

Does she do email??

I'd email her:

"Mummy, lovely idea to get brother a TV, but you'll have to count me out as we've already sorted our christmas presents for this year. X"

Be FIRM, say it one more time, then forget it and buy your brother a book or something. If she does ignore you and go ahead and put your name on it, then on xmas day, just say "actually, it's not from me - I just got you a book, but mum thought she'd be nice and put my name on".

Do NOT pay her any money. Just repeat that you already said no.

Until you stand up to her and follow it through, she'll keep walking all over you!

I like the idea of saying that. It kills two birds with one stone so to speak! It makes it clear it has nothing to do with me but also the word nice will make my mum feel like a martyr so will keep her in a good mood! Thank you!

Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out the obvious when you are living it daily. Everyone has been so kind, thank you all. I will update on this tv saga on the 26th Dec lol

seashore22

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

That could actually be a fair point but everyone only buys for our kids. A book/voucher/chocs etc. Its been that way for a few years now and something we are in total agreement with, it became that way as one year we were asked due to budgets if we minded not being on the pressie list, just the kids, of course we had NO problem with that. This is a little bit why its all so frustrating, this has come from nowhere lol As a family, we "don't" do this, if that makes sense.

I didn't want to say before as I was worried I may be coming across as 'bitter' but my brother is my mums golden child. Through no choice of his own and I am almost positive he would swap that title in a heartbeat lol I actually feel for him and the pressures that come with that title! He has a milestone birthday coming up next year and we are all contributing to that behind the scenes and on top of that we are having to pay quite a bit of money to travel to the UK to attend which I do not mind in the slightest as I love him to bits but she takes none of this in consideration. He is lovely and he hates how she is and is actually firmer with her then I could ever be. I may start taking lessons lol

My mum wanted a holiday earlier this year but my dad could not get the time off work to go. The next thing I knew was she called me to tell me she had booked a holiday for her and my older teen daughter for a couple of weeks and we only owe her £xxx ( for my daughter!) her reasoning was that it could be my daughters birthday gift from us. We did pay that, maybe like fools but we were kind of put on the spot and it involved my daughter. Though she had no idea until it had been booked - just like us!

See what I am dealing with here? lol

Ok, I think even more now that something needs to be done about your lovely mum. I'm sure she is lovely, but like all of us she comes with her faults. If I was the one booking surprise holidays (and I wouldn't even do that) then I would be the one paying. It's a bit cheeky isn't it? Time to make a stand I think.

marisco_2

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

But I just wanted to check, am I being mean not wanting to pay so much towards just 1 siblings present when we would not choose to spend that much of our own accord? Is it me that is wrong? I genuinely doubt myself and I'm totally open to your opinion! I have a thick skin and can take it!

You are not being mean spirited at all. You are clearly a grounded, sensible woman who has her priorities exactly where they should be.

Your questions above speak volumes about your mothers treatment of you. You explained very carefully and respectfully to her why you didn't wish to club in for this present for one of your siblings. She chose to completely ignore your point of view. It is not her place to tell you she will pay out and you can pay her back. The fact is you dont want to be spending that amount of money on one gift. Something that as an adult is totally your perogative and as such your mother should respect this.

As you advise us the recipients of this TV could afford to purchase one for themselves if they chose to. Maybe the fact they dont have one is that they dont want one. Personally I would hate one of those huge, gawdy, ugly monstronsities in my house. It would not fit in with the design of my rooms at all. I have a small flat screen TV and love it. It is there when I want it, but doesn't stand out like a sore thumb and take over the room.

I can see this situation going on and on and causing you no end of grief unless you really put your foot down. People with narcisistic tendencies are a force to be reckoned with and a nightmare. Dont tolerate it though. You have told her verbally and she has taken no notice. So email her or write her a note and say you have other plans regarding gifts for this couple and will not be part of the TV purchase. Word it in a way that makes it clear, that if she goes ahead then the price per person will increase, as you and yours will not be contributing to it. Any further hassle from her gets her instantly referred back to the written word after that

seashore22

And, if she really won't listen, the only way is to leave her with the bill for a new tv. All of it!

Be strong! Don't pay up!

Hope it goes well. Families, what would we do without them, eh?

marisco_2

Anyone else feel like this about their families? Especially at Xmas time!