Mothers! Christmas! Drama has started already :(

Valli

Sometimes something similar is arranged in my family, where my mum will buy a big item and we chip in

BUT we don't chip in an 'equal' share; we are asked to pay what we normally would IYSWIM. Usually, because [STRIKE]I am a mean cow[/STRIKE]I am the lowest paid, and a single parent to boot, I pay least.


In this case I would say I have no intention of paying over and above my budgetted amount.

ETA Just tell her you are NOT paying - now, or later.

[Deleted User]

Not mean at all. You know how much you can and want to spend on gifts at Xmas for people.

If your mother cannot understand that then that is not your problem.

Explain that you will be getting them x,y, or z and that you're not chipping in for the new Telly, and make it clear that you'll not be paying her back down the line either.

take a deep breath - and have a cup of tea!

Sagaris

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

She keeps saying how amazing it will be when they see it on Christmas day etc how grateful they will be. I really think if they wanted a different tv, they would of gone and got one by now! She is adamant she is putting my name on the present and "we can sort it out later" as again I have tried to explain that I will not be spending that much and I would rather pick them a gift myself.

So frustrating!

So when she comes out with that - you just reply 'NO!' No explaining, no reasoning - just 'NO!' She will probably be shocked but too bad - make up your mind and stick to it!

Mrs_Arcanum

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

Thank you all! I honestly was starting to wonder if I am being mean.

I have spoken with her a few times today to try and be firm with a No, explaining that we have no intention of spending that amount on just 1 sibling, that it may cause bad feeling as we won't be able to do it for the others. Her response to that was "they all already have big Tv's" lol! Honestly I could cry! lol

She keeps saying how amazing it will be when they see it on Christmas day etc how grateful they will be. I really think if they wanted a different tv, they would of gone and got one by now! She is adamant she is putting my name on the present and "we can sort it out later" as again I have tried to explain that I will not be spending that much and I would rather pick them a gift myself.

So frustrating!

No explanations just a straight out NO, followed by I will not contribute to this present. You could add you will also tell your siblings that you have not paid towards the present.

Sambucus_Nigra

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

Thank you all! I honestly was starting to wonder if I am being mean.

I have spoken with her a few times today to try and be firm with a No, explaining that we have no intention of spending that amount on just 1 sibling, that it may cause bad feeling as we won't be able to do it for the others. Her response to that was "they all already have big Tv's" lol! Honestly I could cry! lol

She keeps saying how amazing it will be when they see it on Christmas day etc how grateful they will be. I really think if they wanted a different tv, they would of gone and got one by now! She is adamant she is putting my name on the present and "we can sort it out later" as again I have tried to explain that I will not be spending that much and I would rather pick them a gift myself.

So frustrating!

'We aren't sorting anything out later. I am a married woman with 2 kids and myself and my husband will be buying what we want to buy for our siblings when we are good and ready'.

mrcow

Say very slowly to her:

"Mum, don't put my name on the TV as it's nothing to do with me. I've already said it about 100 times but you're not listening to me. I'm not buying it. I'm not putting towards it. I'm not sorting it out later. I'm not having anything to do with it. And that's the end of it."

Brighton_belle

How close are you to the sibling concerned? Is there any way you can tell them (without giving away the gift concerned) what games your mother is playing?
And/or if you are planning to get your sibling a present, buy it soon, wrap it and get it to thm early so they can see what is from you and you are nothing to do with your mother's decsion to add your name to her present.
Or perhaps, discuss with this sibling the idea of not buying for each other anymore. I think taking control of your inter-sibling present buying and not referencing your mother at all might help.
You are definitely not being mean - £70 is my entire Christmas budget,lol. Do many people spend that on adult siblings?
Keep saying NO! and refuse if possible to get sucked into the subject.

seashore22

Sometimes, just sometimes mums need putting firmly in their place, and I say that as a mum.

In our family, once children started to arrrive, we agreed that we wouldn't buy presents for adults, only the children. We still bought the grandparents something though. Everyone seemed happy with that and it took the pressure off of us all. Buying a small, thoughtfully chosen present is lovely, but spending £70 on my siblings at Christmas? No way!

DuckEggGingham

Thank you all again.

I really think its time I grew a backbone where she is concerned. This is just another frustrating situation to add to the many over the years. Though this one is one of the "kinder" situations! Yeah I think it is time for no more of this! I would never put up with this from anyone else, she just has a "knack" lol

I have thought about speaking to my brother and explaining without telling him what it is because he does know "what she is like" but that hardly seems fair to put him in a situation that he has no control over.

I am wondering now if she may be disappointed in her pressie! I made use of the BodyShop offers lol!

blondie7

Put it all down on paper and send it to her, as she clearly is not listening to you, hopefully she will read the letter and get the message.

Good luck and stick to your guns.