Mothers! Christmas! Drama has started already :(

thorsoak

If your mum wants to get it - then let her ....but at the same time, let her pay for it! You buy to your budget, not to hers!

I speak as an "organising mum" who would like everything to be as I see it.....but I know darn well that that is NOT the way that everyone else sees it! And as you say - if a big TV was an important thing in the lives of your sibling - they could get it!

Mummy could well have her fox shot if she turns up with a big tv to find that they've already got one for themselves for Christmas ......

DuckEggGingham

Brighton_belle wrote: »

How close are you to the sibling concerned? Is there any way you can tell them (without giving away the gift concerned) what games your mother is playing?

Thank you for the idea. I did also think of that as he knows what she can be like, I was just worried that may make him feel in the middle of it all without having any choice in it. He would actually be mortified this amount of pressure is being put on us which I think is why I am reluctant to speak with him.

ognum

Is it possible that your husband could talk with your mother and simply say ' DEG and I have discussed this, she is now upset that you want us to pay this amount of money, we cannot be involved with this present so would like you to not put our name on it'

hopefully she will listen if hubby gets involved.

margaretclare

I agree with all the others - do not do this. Your mother may believe that she's got away with this kind of behaviour time and time again and will continue to do so as long as she's alive and you're alive. You'd already made your decision. Stick to it.

I think that the whole Christmas thing has got completely out of hand. On the one hand we're being told that everyone is struggling, some families cannot afford even basic food, and yet there is still this 'you must spend spend spend' culture out there which is being touted by the advertising media. It's getting to be time to say 'enough is enough', if you don't need it don't buy it' which is what Martin has been saying for ages.

bestpud

I find it easier to email or write when it comes to slippery people like that.

First time is the hardest. She will still try but if you refuse to budge you'll find she will gradually learn when no means no.

It's hard, I know, but don't be apologetic and definitely don't be drawn into a conversation about it. If you have to speak, just repeat what you've already said.

Good luck!

Sambucus_Nigra

And surely...if they are adults too and they want a new TV they will get one?

This is just one-upmomship and nothing about what her family actually want.

margaretclare

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

Thank you all! I honestly was starting to wonder if I am being mean.

I have spoken with her a few times today to try and be firm with a No, explaining that we have no intention of spending that amount on just 1 sibling, that it may cause bad feeling as we won't be able to do it for the others. Her response to that was "they all already have big Tv's" lol! Honestly I could cry! lol

She keeps saying how amazing it will be when they see it on Christmas day etc how grateful they will be. I really think if they wanted a different tv, they would of gone and got one by now! She is adamant she is putting my name on the present and "we can sort it out later" as again I have tried to explain that I will not be spending that much and I would rather pick them a gift myself.

So frustrating!

Is having a big TV what Christmas is really all about?

IMHO it is either about a baby born in poverty in an inn stable because there was no room for his parents in the inn. Or, for some of my other friends, it is based on Old English 'Geol' or Yule - more of a midwinter festival for good food, good company and good cheer. In neither case has it anything to do with having a big TV and/or spending money you can't afford!

Brighton_belle

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

Thank you for the idea. I did also think of that as he knows what she can be like, I was just worried that may make him feel in the middle of it all without having any choice in it. He would actually be mortified this amount of pressure is being put on us which I think is why I am reluctant to speak with him.

But in a way, as siblings you are all in this together, or divided you fall?
I'm glad to hear he would be mortified - sounds a decent chap. But by letting him know it means your mum will be less able to pressure you for the money after xmas, which she will do of course. For all you know, unless you speak to him,she may be doing the same to him re a present for you?
He will be no more n the middle of it than you are at the mo.

Not any easy situation, but if the reverse was happening, wouldn't you want him to speak up and tell you?

caeler

I think a TV can be quite a dangerous gift - so many choices and it could well be the wrong one and the receiver hates it! They also may feel very uncomfortable with the generosity especially as you say they are in good jobs, own their home, etc. Stick to your guns!

KiKi

Hi OP

I think it's wrong that your mum has made the decision and has an expectation of what you'll pay, yes. And she needs to be told; you should buy what you feel is right, esp if it's something they don't need or what they want!!

Could I just put a different perspective on things, for a bit? I don't think your mum is right - just to be absolutely clear! - but she *may* be thinking a little bit differently.

You mentioned that you have to buy for the kids which is, of course, not cheap. But it also means that, as you are the only ones with kids in your side of the family, other people are probably spending more on your family as they're buying for you and then (I presume) your children as well. And it *may* be that your mum is thinking 'okay, you're saving for a house, but an extra £35 towards a present isn't going to make a huge difference to a deposit - especially given that your sibling buys presents for you and your children'. That's making some assumptions, obviously! But I could understand that your mum might be thinking that your sibling will be spending on you and your children, and therefore will be spending around £70 on your family in total, so may not see this as such a big deal as you. It doesn't make her actions right, of course!

KiKi